emotionalydistraugt Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 This is a recap of my story if you don't know it. If you don't please take the time to read, if you do then please help. Why can't I move on from her? If you dont know my story here it is. We dated for 3 years and we were always serious about marriage and everything. She's a year younger then I and I went off to college to pursue football and a degree. Well she stayed at home and worked at a doctor's office. She had a solid income and started paying for just about everything in the last year of the relationship. I payed for everything the first two years and I couldnt do it anymore because all my money was going towards school. Well in october my sister got married and she went with me and alot of marriage talk started between me and her and my family. She always said she didnt want to get married young and I told her I understood but I still did want to marry her at some point. In november I started to not be able to get ahold of her when we were suppost to hang out and I got really irratated. I would yell when I finally got a hold of her because I was afraid she had died or something. Well one weekend I didn't get a hold of her and I stopped trying. I later found out she had cheated on me with some guy during this weekend and she had been hanging out with him this whole time. I told her I didn't want to break up that I could forgive her for what she had done but she would have to gain my trust back. I told her I would manage my anger better and I would come home more than what I was and start paying for things again. She never really committed to this agreement and the weekend I came home from break I saw her once and we kissed but she said it was wierd. I called her later that night to talk and we talked like old times. I asked if she wanted to hang out later in the week and she said OK. Well she renigged and hung out with this other guy again. That was the final straw and I stopped talking to her. I asked if I could get my stuff back and I would stop by to get it. I never did because I couldnt bring myself to do it. I cut off all contact for a month. Then earlier this week a friend told me she was in a relationship with someone and it hit me hard. She had already moved on from me. Two days later she contacted me and told me her grandpa had cancer. I told her how I'm sorry to hear that but she should be talking to her new boyfriend about it. SHe said she still loved me and always would no matter what. I didn't say it back I just said I wish I felt the same and ended it there. Now I don't understand why I want to be with her so much still. I can still envision us being together in the future. I don't know if this is a fling with a new guy or a rebound or the real deal. I am unable to move on from this and it's hard to see her so easily move from me to him. I'm not really ready to be with someone else but it would be a lot easier to get over her if I had someone else in my life. I want so bad to just write her asking if she can see herself with this other guy in 40 years and if she can then I'll leave her alone forever but I dont know if that's a good idea or not. I need some guidance on what to do.
lonelygurl Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I honestly don't know what to tell you because I feel the same as you. All I know is you love her, you miss her and you are grieving. It is hard not to obsess what they are doing, in your case you know she has someone new. Try to fill some of your time with things you need to do for yourself to try and move forward even it it is very small babysteps. Read some grieving books, self-help books. One very good book I read years ago and am re-reading is called obsessive love by Susan Forward or How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Melba Colgrove. I am also in regular therapy for other reasons so that helps. Maybe talking to a counselor or someone would help you? It is not easy I know. I am also in the middle of a medication change and was very close to admitting myself this past weekend. All I've been doing is sleeping and barely functioning. I will see how the week goes. It is really hard but just try not to focus all your time on her, or try to spend less time on her and more time on you.
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I loved Rocky Balboa. I have been watching that whole series since childhood. Nice quote. But oh my GOD your ex is a selfish, psychotic *****. Unless you really ****ed her over hardcore at one point or another. Cuz holy ****, if I were you, I'd probably hit her with my car.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 Haha. Thanks Tom. But would it be a good or bad idea to write her?
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 HELL no you shouldn't write her. I should knock you out for even THINKING about maybe writing her. My God, this selfish ***** has proven herself untrustworthy. She is a selfish *****. If I see her on the road while I'm driving, I'll accidentally run her over. And put the car in reverse and run her over again. Then drive forward over her one final time. Three times the charm. **** no you shouldn't write this 'girl'.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 Why do I want her back so bad. And why can't I get over her
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Because you have a heart, maybe? Because you're a good person? Or because you have dependent personality disorder. Or because she abused you mentally which put you down subconsciously, which makes you want her back to reverse the damage she's done to you. Your ego. Your subconscious is a scary thing. Fight it.
stace79 Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 What everyone has to learn -- including me -- is that we each deserve someone who cherishes the love we give. This girl doesn't value your love. If she did, she wouldn't have cheated. Just leave her alone would be my recommendation. Focus on finishing school and doing good things for yourself. Make new friends who value your time and friendship. Yes, it is hard, and I don't always take my own advice, but I am trying anyway! Good luck...
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