lilmrcheerful Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 I was with my girlfriend for nearly a year and around 60% of that time she had been haunted and hunted down by her obsessed ex who let her go a year before that. Last week, she finally succumbed to the temptation and ended it between us even though she probably thought about doing this for quite some time but never had the nerve to until now, I suspect an ultimatum was given ("come with me now or I will tell him everything that's gone on between us", well I can pretty much say that's how it seemed based on what type of text's I was getting from her days before the break up. Classic signs were one minute she was all over me and couldn't wait to get back "home", the next she "didn't know what to do", went on for ages and ages. There were no real major problems between us, just random excuses that she conjured up that were just laughable. Yes, she always did have a thing for him still, however, she did the wrong thing by letting him in again as "friend" when his intentions were clear cut from the onset - and she listened to them all. I don't know who's guilty more to be honest and I don't know how much of an influence he had in breaking up our relationship, for example, he must have promised the earth and a much better relationship the second time around, perhaps gave a few speeches about how much he's changed and realised what the "mistakes" he made when they were first together, all this to just brainwash her. Well, whatever was promised and the scheming that went behind it, it's happened. In this scenario, it's like you've won a trophy, you've played a game and you've eventually won it, you've won the "prize", but now you have that prize, what next? Is it a genuine win? Was it just about the chase? Or does he really want her, after all, he said to her he never loved her and only saw her as a friend when they were first together, so what on earth would have changed that now? I just can't fathom or comprehend how this situation has been allowed to happen, you should know your ex and their flaws, they don't change so easily do they, it's a complete con, he's a con-artist. If a relationship is broken up by influence rather than naturally ending because of "real" issues, then that person is always going to be left wondering, I suppose that their curiosity would escalate when things don't go according to plan in their new relationship, maybe she'd be always comparing, there were certainly "new" standards set in our relationship and I have no doubt she will continue to expect these elsewhere, she's even said as much when she said in her final speech "you're going to be a tough one to follow, if at all". I am trying to make sense of all this, but I just cannot. I guess this is just part of my grieving process, I must admit I am feeling it a bit today, I just wanted the truth really, I deserved that much!
Joker77 Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I was with my girlfriend for nearly a year and around 60% of that time she had been haunted and hunted down by her obsessed ex who let her go a year before that. Last week, she finally succumbed to the temptation and ended it between us even though she probably thought about doing this for quite some time but never had the nerve to until now, I suspect an ultimatum was given ("come with me now or I will tell him everything that's gone on between us", well I can pretty much say that's how it seemed based on what type of text's I was getting from her days before the break up. Classic signs were one minute she was all over me and couldn't wait to get back "home", the next she "didn't know what to do", went on for ages and ages. There were no real major problems between us, just random excuses that she conjured up that were just laughable. Yes, she always did have a thing for him still, however, she did the wrong thing by letting him in again as "friend" when his intentions were clear cut from the onset - and she listened to them all. I don't know who's guilty more to be honest and I don't know how much of an influence he had in breaking up our relationship, for example, he must have promised the earth and a much better relationship the second time around, perhaps gave a few speeches about how much he's changed and realised what the "mistakes" he made when they were first together, all this to just brainwash her. Well, whatever was promised and the scheming that went behind it, it's happened. In this scenario, it's like you've won a trophy, you've played a game and you've eventually won it, you've won the "prize", but now you have that prize, what next? Is it a genuine win? Was it just about the chase? Or does he really want her, after all, he said to her he never loved her and only saw her as a friend when they were first together, so what on earth would have changed that now? I just can't fathom or comprehend how this situation has been allowed to happen, you should know your ex and their flaws, they don't change so easily do they, it's a complete con, he's a con-artist. If a relationship is broken up by influence rather than naturally ending because of "real" issues, then that person is always going to be left wondering, I suppose that their curiosity would escalate when things don't go according to plan in their new relationship, maybe she'd be always comparing, there were certainly "new" standards set in our relationship and I have no doubt she will continue to expect these elsewhere, she's even said as much when she said in her final speech "you're going to be a tough one to follow, if at all". I am trying to make sense of all this, but I just cannot. I guess this is just part of my grieving process, I must admit I am feeling it a bit today, I just wanted the truth really, I deserved that much! I'm sorry to hear it, but she will deserve what she gets. It never works a second time around and she will realize how bad she messed up. Hopefully by then you will be moved on and with someone better.
Wildguy Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 ^^^^ Yeah, that. What Joker said. And when she does realize she made a mistake, you won't be there. You owe it to yourself to find someone awesome, and she my friend, is not it.
Author lilmrcheerful Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 ^^^^ Yeah, that. What Joker said. And when she does realize she made a mistake, you won't be there. You owe it to yourself to find someone awesome, and she my friend, is not it. Aw, thanks for the responses, that's lovely of you to say, however, finding someone else is really the last thing on my mind for a long time to come, now what I need to do is try to look after myself and make myself a little happier and continue to be the jokey, playful, fun and jolly person I am known to be like. This experience has actually shown how far i've come actually because when my previous relationship failed, I didn't handle that too well but on this occasion I feel I am doing much better than I thought, perhaps I am a bit stronger than I thought although of course this is still hurting me and the problems in this situation are certainly none of my own doing which helps as well.
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