Concentrate on the bad?

[neverlost]

Hey all, currently on a relationship break

 

I think most people concentrate on all the good things, and get a bit blind to the bad when this happens. Some might say it's not good, but does anyone advise concentrating on the bad?

 

Every bad thing about them and how they made/make you feel. Because I suppose I would rather be angry then hurt.

 

Then one part of me thinks I might end up hating them, and then they might decide after the break they want to be back together, and if I don't by then, it is their fault, right?

 

I just can't advise myself to try and keep being in love with them while they decide what "they want". Because after that, if they don't want this, then I have to start the healing process from the beginning again.

 

Thank you

 

-neverlost

[Goatsbreath]

whenever I have a wave of pain I try to focus on the bad. I don't think I will ever hate her when I do this because when I had her I excepted her for the good and bad. It just helps your mind cope and fosters hope in the concept that just maybe someone else out there could better suit your ideal person.

[lonelygurl]

I was told to focus on all the bad. but you know what it is a lot easier said then done. Because no one is perfect and there was a lot of good things to remember and I tend to remember the good not the bad.

 

Hard to focus on all the bad when you miss them so much and wish they were here. My emotions are on a rollercoaster so one moment I can think of only the bad and wish him nothing but bad, ill will and then the next, crying and wondering why the h*ll this has to happen and why can't he be here and we fix things and make them right.

[not_a_happy_camper]

i hate to focus on the bad stuff........................it hurts knowing my ex treated me the way he did. i hate to focus on the good stuff.............................because i know how good it was. and i know i'll never have it back.

 

if i focus on the bad.........................i got really angry for the first month after the break up. thinking of how he'd treated me. i was convinced i never ever wanted to be with him ever again.

 

then he sent me a message at christmas.......................and i know it meant nothing. it was a generic message. but i felt guilty for thinking so badly of him. this was the person i loved after all. the good memories were still there. and i hated that i didn't want to think of them. so then i started thinking of them.......................and just over another month later......................i find myself wanting him to want me back. i can do nothing about that.

 

but there's the difference in thinking about the bad and good things.....................it depends on how many bad things happened. are you prepared to put up with the bad just to get the good stuff? and how bad is the bad stuff? how good is the good stuff? how many times have you been hurt by them? a friend said to me recently that in a way, love is seeing how much you can hurt a person and be hurt. not to put a negative spin on it, but it certainly is an element of it. you have to think about both. and weigh them up and make your decision. it's not an easy one to take. but if you're already taking a break, it's for a reason..........................and you need to step back from things and examine the relationship from all angles, objectively. use this time to examine yourself as well and see what you want