wantsomeoneworthy Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Hello, I've been reading through the posts here for a few days, and I'm interested in seeing what people think about my situation. I met a guy on match that I was really interested in. We're both fresh out of marraiages and have children and busy careers, and said off the bat we were interested in taking it slowly. We exchanged a few emails and he asked me out to a really nice restaraunt last Saturday. It was, without a doubt, the best date I've ever had. I'm not someone that usually falls really hard or fast, but we had so much in common, we talked for hours and hours and yes, we slept together. But as a 30-somethign adult, I don't have any issue with that, as it was really nice for both of us. I didn't want to stay over (I have a small child at home) so I left, he walked me to my car, hugged me and kissed me goodnight. The next day, he sent a really nice text message saying he had a great time, etc. Three days later, he emailed me suggesting we get together again in a couple of weeks. We both had plans the next weekend, plus we have kids and visitation to contend with, so that was fine. So far, things seem to be progressing normally. I emailed him back a perfectly acceptable response, and waited for him....only, he never got back to me, The next day, I get a message from him saying he had canceled his match account, and I could reach him at his personal email address. Ok...there are a lot of ways I could interpret that, but I don't want to jump to conclusions, plus there was still no more mention of setting up an exact date. I emailed him a light-hearted message to the personal account, and he emailed back a full 24 hours later, STILL no mention of finalizing the date. Not to mention the fact that I logged on to my match account last night, and saw him on there! I thought he canceled, and if he has time to surf, why couldn't he email me back? And no, I wasn't "looking" for him, I just happened to see him being online in the "viewed me" feature. I hate that you can see that. So, what's the deal? Is he blowing me off, or is this what's considered "taking it slow?" I don't want to be some nag but I do think I deserve a response at this point! And if he's not interested, why'd he ask me out again!? Signed, Dating After 12 Years and Apparently No Good At It.
carhill Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Date other men It's easy. Just send out the "I'm available" signals. I see this all the time from women when I travel. I'm married so don't act on it but do note it. Potential dates abound This guys does what he does. Waste not one minute trying to figure him out, even though I know you want to and the mystery is killing you.
Author wantsomeoneworthy Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Date other men It's easy. Just send out the "I'm available" signals. I see this all the time from women when I travel. I'm married so don't act on it but do note it. Potential dates abound This guys does what he does. Waste not one minute trying to figure him out, even though I know you want to and the mystery is killing you. So, I should just go on and not email him again, just wait for him? Ugh. That sucks, and frankly I can't figure out how he got all the power...I'm powerful, too!
Treasa Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 The person who cares the least has the most power. I really think that's true. What IF he was only interested in sex, and once he got it he was pretty much done? Or maybe he just changed his mind? I'd say leave it alone. If he's interested in you he'll contact you again.
carhill Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 As Treasa implied, you cared too much. Caring is a good thing and it has its appropriate place. This guy has to earn your caring by being consistent and interested in you. Remember, I'm saying that as a man. When I'm sincerely interested, I'm consistent and respectful. No games. I think you need to enjoy some free male attention. Assert your power
Author wantsomeoneworthy Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Thanks for the advice. I guess I didn't expect rejection to sting so much after just one date, not to mention the fact that I'm seriously doubting my instincts now. They generally don't fail me, so being off about this one is a real ego-bust!
Treasa Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 My mom gave me sage advice one day when I was complaining about how I felt like people didn't like me (yeah, I was whining). I asked her how she deals with stuff like that. My mom is a super tough woman, and she just shrugged and said, "I always assume there's something wrong with them." Implying that if someone didn't like her, that was their shortcoming, not hers. So in this case...he just wasn't right for you, or there's something wrong with him. Nothing worth making you doubt yourself over.
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