Not sure what else to do. Stuck in between new and EX..so I called both off

January 19, 2009

ok, let me start from the beginning. This will be long and hard to follow because im filled with confusion at the moment and dealing with alot in my heart and head.

Back in mid October, my ex and I (a relationship of 7 months) split up. Ill back up and say how I met her. I had met her back in highschool during a school prom. I was with someone at the time and so was she. She was friends with the girl I was dating at the time. I had only met her this once. Well we ended up crossing paths again in the future online a couple years later. I thought this girl was beautiful. We chatted it up, and again crossed paths later on again, but this time we were both single. This turned into a relationship. It was ok at first, she has a nice christian family, again she is gorgeous, and really liked to buy me things so she was not self centered and always thinking about me when she was out.

Our relationship was no where near what it should have been either. Lots of times her answer was always "i dunno" when I would ask if she wanted to see me on days when I got off work. We didnt do much other than sit around at her house, or go out to eat with her family or something.

She didnt want to meet my friends, because they liked to kinda still party and social drink etc. Really I just wanted to take her out, introduce her as my woman, and do new things with her.

She told me I lied to her a few times and changed her view on me, but I never really lied to her I feel. I am a home owner to a brand new home, who I lived with a girl for 1 year before her. My recent ex told me she would never come to my house, nor stay with me or anything unless I moved because I had a past with another girl there. Yet if I was out of town or something, she didnt once care to come over there and dress up my house or invite herself in. Though toward the end of our breakup she did stay 1 night finally.

She said i lied to her about "drinking" ..sometimes I feel like since I am an adult that I can drink a beer with a dinner or just when im relaxing at my own house by myself. I did one night before I came over to her house, and she asked me about it. She asked me and I said no out of being scared because I knew it was about to be an arguement, but I already knew she knew...she asked again and I said yes , yes I did, because I didnt feel that I do anything wrong at home alone by myself. The reason I got scared to say no, is because she had got pissed before for going out with my aunt and uncle to eat and having one for dinner with them...yet I told her about it up front. It was just an issue. So I lied at first out of being scared of an argument...but I knew she already knew anyways.

We were pretty different people. She would buy clothes for me that she thought I would look good in. (This was ok, because I liked the clothes as well), but not typically was it how I would dress. Almost like she was making me up into what she wanted. She did care for me I do know that. She never cheated on me or anything. Basically I woulda done any and everything for this girl. I was and still kinda am in love with her. I didnt feel like she would do "anything" for me. I noticed that when she wouldnt meet my friends, or really do anything new and fun I wanted us to do.

Well 7 months pass and we hit a rough spot...(let me mention she is the first girl i have actually felt I "made love" to. We just had an experience one night that I will never forget...it was different than just sex)....well anyways we hit a rough spot and things were getting kinda different with us. She had just started a new job, and during this new job she mentioned a few times about a guy at work who she kept getting hints was interested in her. I just kinda shrugged it off, because she never gave me any reason to worry about things like that...so I was like really........because yes she is attractive.

Anyways, one night I ask her to go to a haunted house for halloween. She didnt want to....so end up my friends happened to call me that same night . (my buddy and his girlfriend), and they live in a different town and was coming to my town to go to one, and called me up and asked if I wanted to go since I could show them how to get to the ones in my city. I called and asked my g/f if she wanted to go, no she didnt, so I asked her if it was ok if I went then. She said yes. LIttle did I know, she meant no.

The next morning I got ready for our usual going to church on Sunday morning...Got dressed, and ready to go...No she doesnt want me to go...in fact I dont see her anymore after this. She called it quits.

Right after she immediately is talking to the guy at her work. (On the phone and things), and I have to pull teeth to finally get it out of her and her to tell me the truth about it. This bothers me really bad, at work that I actually break into tears and go outside to sit in my truck and tell her that it bothers me, that she is talking to him because he calls her beautiful, etc. I did that all the freaking time!!

I asked her to please stop talking to him and work on it with me and lets fix things. No she didnt want to stop, because she was just talking. This goes on for a while....she has no interest in working things out with me. I keep trying, and keep getting turned down...but yet she still loves me she would say sometimes....sometimes I would get ignored.

I finally begin to realize that I cant do this anymore, and I start getting out and doing things with friends and start to get "ok" again....or so I think.

Well one weekend on the way home from a mountain trip stayover, I get a call on my phone from my friend, saying that when I get home Im gonna have a friend request on the PC from a girl his wife works with who is also recently single...I was like ok cool.

This girl is a little younger than me, she is attractive....so I begin to just kinda chat it up with her and text back and forth. We finally decide to start hanging out...things are going good and whatnot...we run around..grab bites to eat, starbucks, little things like that and just chat it up with what happened between her past , and I tell her what happened with me and mine. All along I kinda hint around though that I do not think I am ready to move on yet, or looking for a relationship.

Well she says she understands that and neither is she. We continue to hang with things going good. Well all the while, I never had really cut contact with the ex, but I hadnt been seeing her either and I was beginning to get ok with things.

Well, the ex finds out that I am hanging with people and this new girl. She finally decides to see the guy from her work (who was having problems with his current ex, and being up and down)...and decides to call him over for drinking (which she never did when she was dating me), and some video games.

Well in the beginning of our relationship she told me she gets flirty when she drinks...This worried me since she was drinking and invited this guy over out of spite because I was hanging with someone new that I found interesting.

Well eventually a night later or so, I ask her about her and that guy, or if they had kissed or anything. She says no, and it doesnt matter...I keep pulling teeth and found out she kissed the guy....I was very hurt. I had done nothing with the girl I was interested in and was just being honest with my new friend.

Well I pulled more teeth and found out that she had sex with the guy. This hurt me even more....she was doing things out of spite, all because I had just made a new friend that I could potentially become more with in the future if I ever got my head on more straight.

Well, i continue to hang with this girl more and more...she is very sweet, very independent. I think she loves God...I dont know much about her family, she seems like she would do anything with me, and she will go anywhere I wanna go. Likes many things I do, etc.....and the feeling I have toward her is mutual.

Well we continue to hang, and eventually we would have a night were things get a little steamy, and we had intercourse.....well it happend a couple nights actually..After all the drama with my ex. (no alcohol, no spite, nothing involved...just pure attraction)....BUT here is the bad. I cant get myself to feel relationship type feelings with this girl just yet because I still talk to , and think about my ex.

Well, now that I am interested in this girl...my ex wants to work things out with me and confess her love for me and her mistakes saying she has messed up.

This has me all confused now, because I loved her more than anything and woulda never thought about leaving her...even though we had our differences in things. I was in love, and still have some love for her.

BUT in the mean time, I have developed some feelings for the current girl.

Well on Christmas and Christmas eve, I ended up seeing my ex and just talking to her for an hour or two, and before I even did both times, I let the new girl know of my intentions and told her I felt like I needed to do this so that it might help me with my confusion, and my feelings, and not being able to move forward with anything.

Well on Christmas eve, things went ok..we kinda talked, she rubbed me on my back. I hung out with her family and things were ok...BUT different.

Afterwards she went to my house and sit and talked a second...cried, and we just talked about my issue and confusion.

Well Christmas night I saw her at her house...we talked, and argued and thats about all..she tried to cuddle up to me and I pushed her off...just because I didnt like it, and I didnt like what she had put me through and now causing me confusion.

Well ever since she has wanted to come back, I have been thinking "what if" she is really sincere this time and wants to fully work it out, and things could be good because I really loved her...but at the same time I think about what she did in the beginning and not caring to work things out when I was hurting.

This has caused me to be up and down with the current girl, who so far has been understanding, sweet, and caring, and someone I dont want to hurt or lose.

Basically now I feel I dont want to lose either of them.

The current girl had been stayin the night with me alot, and last night I just told her I dont think I can do this anymore...I feel unfair to her because she wants more right now, and with my confusion and emotional stress , I just need some me time. So she got her things and went home.

I only said that because at the time, i felt like going back to my ex might be the thing to do since I constantly thought about her and wonder "what if"

I dont wanna lose the new girl either because she has all the qualities, I like and was everything my ex wasnt.

Right now, I am with neither, and spent time alone last night.

I dont want to hurt anyone, but I have lead both people on, and hurt lots of people including myself.

I feel like the answer, is right in front of me with the new girl...yet I cant achieve the feelings I want....but at the same time the what if thoughts with the ex make me question myself.

AHHHHHHHHH....I wanna scream.

January 19, 2009

no on have any thoughts on this?

January 19, 2009

Your ex messed up. She has to lay in the bed she made for herself. Move on with the new girl and see where it goes. It's a no brainer.

January 19, 2009

Your ex messed up. She has to lay in the bed she made for herself. Move on with the new girl and see where it goes. It's a no brainer.

See that is what I thought too. She kinda hit one of those grass is greener scenarios, and then it didnt turn out. So its like when I try to move on, she wants to come back and mess with my emotions.

Now I am more confused than ever.

January 19, 2009

also might I add:

have explained to both that I am very confused.

I do find one more attractive than the other in their own seperate ways..I kinda find one more attractive appearance wise.....then i find the other more attractive body wise / just all around a good woman.

Something else I hate, is certain things my ex does, believes she just wants to see me miserable or something...She says she loves me and stuff, and I try to explain I am up and down because I am scared to go back, and confused, and have developed somewhat feelings for the new person..

One minute she understands...the next minute she wants to rub my face about "one day some guy will really care, and will give everything up for her", or that she has a date tonight, ......or i will regret this, and she hopes it kills me etc.

I feel so unfair to the new girl, and I sent her home last night because of it.

Part of me also feels, that if I felt as strong about the new girl as I think, then surely she would make me not even dabble with my past?

Its not that easy when I loved one, but havent another yet.

January 19, 2009

Do you even feel that strongly for your ex? It sounds like you did an admirable thing sending the new girl home when you're unsure what you want, but I'm surprised either of them is sticking around for you to decide.

I am the ex in your situation, and I went N/C. He's been emailing me about business, but I'm reluctant to respond even to such minor communications, when I know he's just stringing me along and hanging out with the new girl on a regular basis.

You should maybe go N/C with both of them until you are clear on what you want, or maybe neither of them is what you really want, and you should just move on altogether.

Speaking for me, I didn't want to be anyone's choice.

January 19, 2009

Do you even feel that strongly for your ex? It sounds like you did an admirable thing sending the new girl home when you're unsure what you want, but I'm surprised either of them is sticking around for you to decide.

I am the ex in your situation, and I went N/C. He's been emailing me about business, but I'm reluctant to respond even to such minor communications, when I know he's just stringing me along and hanging out with the new girl on a regular basis.

You should maybe go N/C with both of them until you are clear on what you want, or maybe neither of them is what you really want, and you should just move on altogether.

Speaking for me, I didn't want to be anyone's choice.

yeah, and I totally see your point of view.

The new girl, I have been honest with from day 1, and have tried to explain everything and mention on certain ways I feel. But I cant be up and down with her like I have been. Its unfair to her, and her feelings.

I am surprised she has put up with my bull. We moved kinda fast and both allowed it.

The ex on the otherhand, part of me wants to believe things she says, another part wants to just forget her, because she created the monster I have become. I have just allowed it to happen.

January 19, 2009

yeah, and I totally see your point of view.

The new girl, I have been honest with from day 1, and have tried to explain everything and mention on certain ways I feel. But I cant be up and down with her like I have been. Its unfair to her, and her feelings.

I am surprised she has put up with my bull. We moved kinda fast and both allowed it.

The ex on the otherhand, part of me wants to believe things she says, another part wants to just forget her, because she created the monster I have become. I have just allowed it to happen.

I was reluctant with my guy because he gave me reasons to be, and whether this new girl is a result of my pulling away, I can't say with certainty. I found out about it by accident, and whether she knows about me, I have no idea. I live two hours away, and she is in the same town, so I think he made his choice based on convenience, but wasn't ready to give me up, so he strung me along, like you're doing.

No, you shouldn't be up and down with anyone, not the ex, not the new girl. Give them up or make a decision and stick to it.

I made the decision for him. I went N/C.

January 19, 2009

I was reluctant with my guy because he gave me reasons to be, and whether this new girl is a result of my pulling away, I can't say with certainty. I found out about it by accident, and whether she knows about me, I have no idea. I live two hours away, and she is in the same town, so I think he made his choice based on convenience, but wasn't ready to give me up, so he strung me along, like you're doing.

No, you shouldn't be up and down with anyone, not the ex, not the new girl. Give them up or make a decision and stick to it.

I made the decision for him. I went N/C.

yeah, and I admit, that I have been selfish because I should have let her get her things long ago, and cut contact with both.

I havent cut contact with either, but I have tried to a couple times with the EX...I just think I didnt get my time to heal before I met someone with such great qualities like I wanted to.

January 20, 2009

See that is what I thought too. She kinda hit one of those grass is greener scenarios, and then it didnt turn out. So its like when I try to move on, she wants to come back and mess with my emotions.

Now I am more confused than ever.

People always want, what they think they cant have. Grass is never greener, just different grass

January 20, 2009

People always want, what they think they cant have. Grass is never greener, just different grass

well and now she wanted me, but i cut NC with the ex last night, and decided to go to dinner and take it from there with the newer girl...guess we will see.

I still have thoughts and visions of the ex....but, oh well...i gotta do NC.

January 20, 2009

have some self-respect man. Your ex had sex with another dude! From what i read she seems way too controlling and now that shes starting to lose control of you, she wants you back.

Meanwhile you have this other girl waiting and understanding your situation. She also wants to do things that YOU want to do. Shes not throwing a fit over one beer is she?

I think this is an easy situation. Cut ties off with you ex and see how the new girl is.

Might i add your kissed and had sex with another dude and lied to you about it AND she also drank for this new person yet she wouldnt have a drop of alcohol when she was dating you? Think about that.

January 20, 2009

Well she ended up contacting me on IM, i broke NC..i probably shouldnt have....it went like this though

HER: (01/20/2009 11:16 AM): just wanted to tell im sorry for blowing up i really do wish u the best. i want u to be happy i was angry over what u did to me but im beginning to understand and im nt holding a grudge. i believe u did the right thing. and what each of us do in life u haveto live with and i dont wanna live with being mean and thats the last thing i said to u so im sorry and wish u the best.. was nice knowing u and dating u absolutely no hard feelings.

HER: (01/20/2009 11:17 AM): im really nt a bad person and dint want to come across that way i do have alot to offer jus wasnt for u. and i understand

ME: (01/20/2009 11:19 AM): .(Insert her name here), I dont know how anything will turn out, and I wish I could tell the future...I wanted to be with you more than you had ever known...But eventually after having people run from me, I kinda begin to get scared to where I just cant deal with it no more. I really had thoughts the other night of maybe trying to patch things up, because I did love you sooo much...and i still car / love e very very deeply for you and that will never go away.....im sorry...i just do things as how I feel I need to handle them as they come to me

ME: (01/20/2009 11:19 AM): and I know you have alot to offer, and I wanted that person to be me

HER: (01/20/2009 11:19 AM): its ok

HER: (01/20/2009 11:19 AM): i really do understand

ME: (01/20/2009 11:19 AM): just I guess right now isnt our time for our 2nd go round

HER: (01/20/2009 11:20 AM): k.

Last message received at 01/20/2009 11:20 AM

---------------

HER: i totally agree if u wanted something bad enough u could give up things but u cant and i had a really good time last nite so noits nt the right time

Make this background my default | Revert to my background

HER: u have moved on and im in the process

ME: well im glad you had a good time

ME: i havent fully

ME: so.....

HER: thnaks

HER: thanks

HER: u should

ME: its gonna be a process, but I dunno.......

ME: we have both made mistakes and I forgive you I do

HER: for the first time months u were nt the first thing i thought of when i woke up

ME: and I hope you forgive me

HER: felt relieved

HER: i do

HER: no grudges

ME: ok......well since you dont think of me, I guess I have nothing else to say

HER: i do think of u its jus gettin easier

HER: is what im sayin

HER: i jus realized i cant hold back anymore

HER: and last nite i let myself have a nice time and woke up nt thinkin of u

ME: well good....maybe you will realize that maybe the "love" you thought, wasnt really love at all

HER: and thats a good first step

HER: oh it was def love but its over now

ME: and then again you may not think that

ME: love just doesnt get over like that

ME: (Insert her name here) i still love you

HER: nt over but eventually when u love something that hurts u over and over u wanna give ur love elsewhere

ME: just i dont feel that right now is a good time for us to try again......you say things are different and you change....but people just dont change within 2 months or however long it has been

ME: and last night I about gave into my heart

ME: but hearing you cussing at me and stuff

HER: and i can honestly say i did hurt u but i tried for months to patch it up and it didnt work so .. it is what it is no regrets

ME: it just brought back why we split in the first place

HER: change?

ME: yeah you did

ME: try i mean

HER: i havent changed

HER: i am mean

HER: but i love with the best of it

ME: but things dont happen just when you want them to....you have to realize the decision you made a while back...though a mistake, it really affected me and has messed me up emotionally

HER: i am mean when ppl push me to be

ME: I may never feel the same with someone else no, or fall in love with them like I did you

ME: but i might realize later on, when I am ready again

ME: and no one knows if we will ever find ourselves back together again

HER: i totally understand i dont expect anything from u

ME: you dont

ME: and I dont

ME: we both know that

HER: no but i'll prob be with someone else

ME: youre not mean.......we just have different ways of loving one another

ME: thats all

HER: vice versa

ME: you never know that

HER: i do (Insert my name here)

ME: no

ME: you do not

HER: i mean this week i will prob be with him every nite

HER: and im nt jus lookin for friends

ME: that doesnt matter

ME: that doesnt mean i thing

ME: you dont know that it will last

ME: you dont know that you will fall in love

HER: i want to eventually get married and move on with my life

HER: no i dont no that

ME: well if the time is right and things happen that way, then they do

ME: and it was supposed to happen that way

HER: but itss a start

ME: things dont happen that arent supposed to

HER: i believe that

ME: and you cant force things to happen

ME: so if things are meant to be a certain way, God will make them how he plans

HER: i no this happened for a reason .and i woke up this morn learning y it did happen

HER: and it felt nice

ME: well good

HER: relief and a little hurt was gone

ME: then why did it happen?

HER: neways well i'll let u go jus wanted to tell u sorry for losing my temper wish u and her the best i wont bother u this time bout time i moved on

HER: and im trying

ME: i have been reading and studying sooo much on this situation and others that have experienced similar

ME: (Insert her name here) things happen how they are planned out

ME: I dont know if I will be with her

HER: well have a good day. maybe c ya around

ME: I dont know who I will be with

ME: and you dont know who you will be with either

HER: have a pretty good idea

ME: k

HER: but thank u for doing this i have realized alot

HER: and learned alot

HER: neways cya bunny!

ME: cya i guess

January 21, 2009

Man, that's pretty weak.

After reading your thread and your online conversation you told her you loved her a bunch of times and she just appeased you with meaningless platitudes and didn't talke any responsibility. Seriously, she seems madder than a sack of squirrels and you keep telling her you love her even after what happened.

Go NC with her and dump the poor girl you're seeing as she deserves someone that's going to give her the time and attention that you will not.

You need to work on yourself on your own.

January 22, 2009

Man, that's pretty weak.

After reading your thread and your online conversation you told her you loved her a bunch of times and she just appeased you with meaningless platitudes and didn't talke any responsibility. Seriously, she seems madder than a sack of squirrels and you keep telling her you love her even after what happened.

Go NC with her and dump the poor girl you're seeing as she deserves someone that's going to give her the time and attention that you will not.

You need to work on yourself on your own.

Thanks for the reply man...Anyone else??

January 28, 2009

no one at all???????

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Not sure what else to do. Stuck in between new and EX..so I called both off

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