FIREMAN Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 We've been together 3 years, love eachother, but aren't ready to take the next step yet. Everything was moving along well. Since the summer tho, she's been shying away from sex, staying over, etc. On a weekend she'll come up w\lame excuses as to why she can't come over or if she does, leaves as soon as things get sexual. She's romantic and loving in everyway...except sex. Not that it doesn't happen, but it is rare lately and has been the subject of numerous arguments over the past few months. I sensed something was bothering her, as she is still loving n caring in everyother way, just not sexual. When I asked her she didn't want to tlk about it or never came clean. We had another argument on Sat about her avoiding staying over. We had plans to go to dinner and she cancelled when she realized she might wind up staying over after. IT FINALLY came out that she's been bothered by something that I said in a major blowout during the summer. She's held the grudge since then!! She said that she is LOVES me immensely and just doesn't feel sexual l8ly because of this. Maybe if she told me it still bothered her, we wouldn't have argued the past few months. I said we have 2 options- Stay together and work on this or go our separate ways. We ended the argument with her saying "I'll talk to you l8r." and I said "K. Bye", but nothing definitive about our status. I haven't called her since Sat morning. I think she's convinced herself she can't get the sexual feelings back. I'm giving her a few days to "miss me" and think about it. I don't want to end it. Should I call in a few days, a week or what. I'm not giving up and feel we can work it out if we talk about it. Do I call or let it go for a while? How long do I wait before she thinks I gave up? Anyone?
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 She has you pretty much where she wants you: you give 100%, she gives 50% (the half that excludes sex, of course). The grudge thing is BS. A good deal of women lose interest in sex in long term relationships, and don't see a need for it. They then map that view onto the entire relationship, and if you try to express how important sex is - you'll be accused of prioritizing sex over everything else. Everything you do to try to fix it will be met with irritation. What to do? Either accept this sexually anorexic relationship as it is, or walk away and find a woman who can be more for you than this girl is. There are plenty of women out there who don't experience 'bed death' in long term relationships. Sounds like your girl is one of the ones who do, and you can't make her want sex any more than she can convince you that you don't want it.
D-Lish Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 What exactly did you say that had such an impact on her? It may be something you can work through but it would help to know exactly what her hang up is that has been affecting her since the summer. That's a long time.
Author FIREMAN Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 A lot came out in our argument, from how controlling her parents are (I actually said I found it odd that her father just walks in on her when she's in her underwear...at 31 yrs old!), almost left her up at the hotel. I admit, I was drunk and angry as was she. She thought I said something to her I did not say. It's been so long ago, I don't remember what it was, but I remember making a point of saying that THAT's not what I meant. She took it out of context. I wish she'd tell me. I called her B4. Just to say hi, see if there's news about her bro's baby that's due any day now and to say I understand what she said to me the other day and at the least, I'd like to remain friends. That was it. Now I'm hoping she returns my call. My anger at the wedding that night stemmed from pretty much being left standing by myself while my GF was with the girls all night. This was after WEEKS of her badmouthing these girls! And I spent weeks helping her work on the bridal shower, shuttling her friends to the wedding and even videoing the wedding FOR FREE. All I expected was on lousy dance or something. So, I don't know WHAT exactly bothered her. We were both wrong.
Author FIREMAN Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 Thx. Her new best friend is a female co-worker that is a SCORNED divorcee. Hates men. I wouldn't doubt that aided in the recent fiasco.
sultry33 Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 maybe she is bailing out on you by withdrawing sexually.. you need to talk sooner rather than later as its been in her mind since summer.. tell her honestly how its making you feel and if you really want things to work you both need to face it.
Author FIREMAN Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 Her friend is single and has nothing else to do but call my GF to do things. My GF can't say no to the girls. When we 1st met, she made a comment that "no man will ever make me choose b\t him and my friends". While I would never want a woman to GIVE UP her friends, I do think that her BF should be the priority. I called and left a message earlier. Hope to hear back from her. I want to pursue this...Just hope she's willing to do it too When I look back at all the great txs we had together, I wonder what happened that we got so off course. I'm a firm believer in not giving up and trying everything you can. So, I hope she calls. She's probably trying to make me sweat it since I didn't call her yesterday...or she's thinking about us...Any ideas?
Author FIREMAN Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 She texted me 1st thing this morning to ask me how my day was yesterday I waited a while, so as not to seem I was "waiting" for her. I txtd her back about 4 hours l8r and she immediately txtd back. Conversation was good, but mainly about the inauguration, etc. We txtd for about 10 min, then I stopped...had things to do. Should I wait till SHE contacts me again, or should I contact her tomorrow or something if I don't hear from her?
Author FIREMAN Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 So, after all that's been happening, my GF\Ex (I really don't know where we stand or what to call her) texted me yesterday. I waited to get back to her about 5 hours, then she fired txts to me like lightning! Nice conversation, asking me how my day was, etc. It lasted 10 min. Then I stopped. L8r that night, she calls me. I'm out w\my friends at a restaurant, so I don't answer and text her as such instead. I said I'd call when I get home and she txts back saying she's going to bed, bad day at work and asked if I'd be around Wed. I said prob, feel better & can tell me all about it tomoro. Wed nite, she txts me if I'm gonna watch Lost. Then, calls me and we tlk for 10 min. Again, nice, normal conversation like nothing's happened b\t us. She tells me she's going to the gym tomorrow, going to her bro's on Sun, etc... Normal talk. BUT, at the end, like Sat when she said she doesn't know what she's feeling, etc (as I wrote in my first post) she again just says "talk to you later". I said the same. Then, while watching LOST, she txts me a few times then says Goodnite. No xoxo or I Love You. What does she want and where do we stand? Is she waiting for me to bring up staying a couple? Can't figure what she wants.
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