FIREMAN Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 We've been together 3 years, love eachother, but aren't ready to take the next step yet. Everything was moving along well. Since the summer tho, she's been shying away from sex, staying over, etc. On a weekend she'll come up w\lame excuses as to why she can't come over or if she does, leaves as soon as things get sexual. She's romantic and loving in everyway...except sex. Not that it doesn't happen, but it is rare lately and has been the subject of numerous arguments over the past few months. I sensed something was bothering her, as she is still loving n caring in everyother way, just not sexual. When I asked her she didn't want to tlk about it or never came clean. We had another argument on Sat about her avoiding staying over. We had plans to go to dinner and she cancelled when she realized she might wind up staying over after. IT FINALLY came out that she's been bothered by something that I said in a major blowout during the summer. She's held the grudge since then!! She said that she is LOVES me immensely and just doesn't feel sexual l8ly because of this. Maybe if she told me it still bothered her, we wouldn't have argued the past few months. I said we have 2 options- Stay together and work on this or go our separate ways. We ended the argument with her saying "I'll talk to you l8r." and I said "K. Bye", but nothing definitive about our status. I haven't called her since Sat morning. I think she's convinced herself she can't get the sexual feelings back. I'm giving her a few days to "miss me" and think about it. I don't want to end it. Should I call in a few days, a week or what. I'm not giving up and feel we can work it out if we talk about it. Anyone?
ruggy Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Umm, what happened that pissed her off so much?
Author FIREMAN Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 I don't know. We both said a few things, but I don't know what the exact breaking point was. We were away at a wedding, staying in a hotel overnight. It was supposed to be "OUR" getaway. She was in the wedding, but bitched about it for months, didn't even want to be in it! She was looking fwd to going w\me and spending tx w\me. BUT...She spent the whole nite dancin w\the girls. When I asked her to dance, she said she was tired. Then, the girls would pull her back up again, leaving me at the table with a girl and 3 guys. The girl was next to me and tlkd w\me. My gf got mad. I said "Then let's go dance"...she said she was tired. I spent the day b4 shuttling the bridal party around cause I have a SUV. Went out of MY way. I said it was like she's a lesbian-all she wants to do is be w\the girls. Even when we're home. BTW She's 32. It turned into a big fight and I walked out. I was going to go home and let her "Friends" take her home the next day. I decided to stay, apologized and she blew up at me for having the audacity to try to make up. We eventually did, but she's been harboring ill feelings since. I don't know if it was this, or something else. What do I do?
ruggy Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Might be the wedding and the fact she is not married yet. Are you on good relations with any of her friends?
Author FIREMAN Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 I'm friends with a few of them. Don't know if I could trust some of them tho as they've stabbed her in the back many tx's. She has a lot of pressure from family. As far as the wedding, she's not ready to get married yet and the thought of it or even cohabitating usually creates anxiety for her. However, just last week, she had another blowout w\her fam and asked me to move away w\her. I'm confused and I think that's made me be more pushy for answers. I'm willing to deal with the situation, but she's feeling bad cause she sees I'm upset with things. I really do believe she loves me and is taking pity on me, as I don't think she truly wants to break up. Came out of the blue a few days after she asked me to move away with her! Do I contact her tomorrow or wait a bit longer and let her miss me a bit? They say Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but is that true when you're in this situation?
Chinook Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 I've just made an answer on your other thread with some thoughts. But something else which occurs to me (and I hate to suggest this but...) are you sure there is no one else in her life...? I'm sorry to suggest this but I have seen too many guys come here in the last couple of years and say their G/F turned cold towards them for no apparent or very little reason... things get a bit whacked and then suddenly she wants a 'break'. After the said break it turns out there is someone else. So I want you to be clear, to ask whether this is an issue.
Author FIREMAN Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 I honestly don't know. She's a wholesome girl and I can't see her doing that and when she makes excuses that she can't come over or has to leave early to go somewhere, she calls from where she says shes going to be. She's never lied to me at all. Really a decent girl. So, I can't see that. Plus, when we DO go out, it's in high visiblity areas. If she was cheating, she wouldn't want to be seen out w\me. I would think anyway. She's just been very Jekyll n Hyde for a bit now.
Chinook Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 I honestly don't know. She's a wholesome girl and I can't see her doing that and when she makes excuses that she can't come over or has to leave early to go somewhere, she calls from where she says shes going to be. She's never lied to me at all. Really a decent girl. So, I can't see that. Plus, when we DO go out, it's in high visiblity areas. If she was cheating, she wouldn't want to be seen out w\me. I would think anyway. She's just been very Jekyll n Hyde for a bit now. Just checking See my other post then
Author FIREMAN Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 About 2 yrs ago, I had A LOT of Pressure on me. I was laid off and had taken my employer to court for discrimination. It wound up affecting me sexually. Had probs ejaculating. It's since been resolved n I have no probs. At the tx tho she read into it as US being sexually mismatched. I feel like that's bothered her since also. She tought SHE didn't turn me on, when she does like crazy! I've tried to tell her this several tx, but down deep, I think it bothers her a lot and she's scared it could happen again. She made comments about that in the past. She's been blowing me off a lot l8ly because she feels uncomfortable being intimate w\me. I said we will never get back to where we were UNLesS we spend quality tx together. It scares her and I think she's reacting out of haste. I respect myself and normally wouldn't accept someone disrespecting me by blowing me off constantly, but I understand where it's coming from. I can't talk about this w\my family as it's akward. I want to give us a chance to get thru this. I know SHE has to be the one to get over her fear, but I want to have a chance. My fear is she's made up her mind to not look back and to just be friends
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 I don't know if you want to go down the road with her. She seems to really hold grudges. And she won't resolve them. She is into withholding love as a weapon. The other point is, and this is why cheating come to mind. Women will withhold sex from there partners if they are cheating. It happens over and over and over again. They slow or stop having sex because they want to be faithful to the guy she's cheating with. Watch the movie unfaithful. Its a great example of this. And she doesn't have sex because you had problems before? Like that is an excuse. I think it has to be one or the other. She hold a grudges and doesn't want to resolve it. Or she is cheating. I think because she doesn't want to talk about it, that she is cheating Do NOT call her. Either she will call or break it off.
Author FIREMAN Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Her father holds grudges as well. If he argues with my GF he won't talk to her for up to a week, like a spoiled child. I mentioned that when I argued w\her at the wedding. She didn't like it. I don't think she's cheating, as she's always home (calls me from home and I hear her mom in the bkgrd) or if she's out w\friends, she calls me from there. Not hiding anything. She's always doing nice things for me, decorating my place, cleaning for me, a great GF otherwise and I don't want to lose her. I don't want to rush calling her and ruin a chance for a new start, but I also don't like letting things go unresolved for too long. I hate being in limbo and you tend to get comfortable, esp if you've been arguing or having tension. It becomes a relief to not have to deal with it. I'll hold off for a few days. She still has my keys to my place, so I need to get them back somehow and soon if it's not going to be resolved.
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