Garbo Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 B/F and I go to flea market. He says he's broke but buys himself some things that costs about $50. I'm looking at different things and he doesn't buy me anything. And this is after I've spent about that amount on dinner for him and his kids the night before. Boy, I feel like such a fool.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 B/F and I go to flea market. He says he's broke but buys himself some things that costs about $50. I'm looking at different things and he doesn't buy me anything. And this is after I've spent about that amount on dinner for him and his kids the night before. Boy, I feel like such a fool. Well did you expect him to buy you something at the flea market? Playing devils advocate here, maybe he plans to treat you to dinner as well. It does sound like he did something selfish for himself at the flea market, but let me ask you something. If he had treated you to a $50 dinner the night before and you went to a flea market and he was looking at the stuff, would you have offered to buy him something there in addition to buying something YOU really wanted? Relationships are about give and take, but maybe he plans to treat you to a special dinner as well.
Author Garbo Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Well, he did plan on taking me to dinner, but his kids protested enough to change that plan. And the place I chose has an extensive kids menu too with things they like. But I was second. I realize this comes with the territory sometimes when you are dating someone with kids, but I treat them all a lot and spend a lot more money on special occasions. I do make more money, but it was the fact that he said he was broke to begin with. If he would not have said he was broke, I would not be here.
Treasa Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Unless you want to put a price tag on your relationship with him, let it go. No one is forcing you to spend that kind of money on him and his kids. I took my best friend out to lunch on Saturday, spent that much on both of us, but didn't expect anything in return. So he said he was broke and yet bought himself something. The truth is that it's his money. Is this a dealbreaker for you? If so, then get out. But don't hold it over his head. As you said, you do make more money than him.
Author Garbo Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Treasa, Though I see your point, I think this shows generosity/selfishness to some extent. Yes, it is definitely his money; however, how he spends it to some extent shows what kind of man he is wouldn't you say. If he is saying he doesn't have money, yet buys for himself and others, but not me, what does that say about him?
Treasa Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Out of curiosity, what did he buy for himself? Like I said, it's his money. However, it's your choice if you want to stay with him.
Author Garbo Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 I'd rather not say what he bought. It's not really important. I wouldn't judge this incident on staying with him though. I just wondered if anyone found it selfish.
Treasa Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 It would depend on what he bought, not that you have to say. I know a lot of broke people who still have to buy things. You didn't say whether or not this was a good deal or a necessity, or something that would lead me to say that I don't think he was being selfish. I also know people who just have poor impulse control. Or he might be selfish. I (of course) don't know him.
boxing123 Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Women do this every single day.. Do men get gifts after taking a woman out to dinner? I could only imagine how a woman would react if after I took her out to dinner, we went to the mall the following day and I said " Wow, you know I spent money on dinner last night. We have been at the mall for 2 hours, and you bought yourself a purse. You bought nothing for me. You are selfish." In most cases if I did not also buy the purse, I would be considered "cheap".
Treasa Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Women do this every single day.. Do men get gifts after taking a woman out to dinner? I could only imagine how a woman would react if after I took her out to dinner, we went to the mall the following day and I said " Wow, you know I spent money on dinner last night. We have been at the mall for 2 hours, and you bought yourself a purse. You bought nothing for me. You are selfish." In most cases if I did not also buy the purse, I would be considered "cheap". Then you're dating the wrong kind of women. I'd never ask my boyfriend to buy anything for me. However, what if the woman said she was broke and then bought a Coach bag for $400? Would you wonder?
Author Garbo Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 boxing, That's not the point. I didn't expect anything in return for dinner. But when someone is supposedly broke, maybe they should not spend any money...at least in front of their date.
Author Garbo Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Then you're dating the wrong kind of women. I'd never ask my boyfriend to buy anything for me. However, what if the woman said she was broke and then bought a Coach bag for $400? Would you wonder? Amen! I think it just sort of hurt my feelings. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but I would never ask for gifts or anything from him.
Star Gazer Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Garbo... Let me get this straight. This past weekend, I went with my BF to a ski shop where I picked up a couple things for myself for a total of about $275. He paid for our dinner the night before. By your logic, I should have spent money on my BF as well at the ski shop. Why does your logic not make sense in this regard??? Just because you happen to be with him when he spends money on himself doesn't mean he owes you anything.
boxing123 Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 True, I do see your point. I think some people are oblivious as well. I have had friends owe me thousands of dollars, seemingly always broke, and then when they got paid they would buy something expensive and brag about it to me.. Did he say he was broke so he could not pay for dinner?
Lauriebell82 Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 It sounds like you are more pissed that he announced he was broke then spent $50 on himself. My BF said he was broke then bought a $3,000 motorcyle. Saying "I'm broke" means: "I have enough money to buy myself nice stuff"
Treasa Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 True, I do see your point. I think some people are oblivious as well. I have had friends owe me thousands of dollars, seemingly always broke, and then when they got paid they would buy something expensive and brag about it to me.. Did he say he was broke so he could not pay for dinner? Yep, that's the heart of the matter. Is he normally generous? Does he do other things for you that aren't of monetary value? Boxing, I have - or rather had - a friend like that also. Drove me nuts.
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