The Collector Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Truth be told, the Collector, that comment won't come up with me. Somehow I thought you'd dodge that. People have responded to your extreme strawman situations, can you do me the favour of responding to how you would react in this hypothetical example?
fral945 Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Truth be told, the Collector, that comment won't come up with me. I like long hair but...it's my personal preference and freedom of right to look the way I want to. Same goes for women who want short hair. It honestly floors me that something this trivial, could make men want to hold a relationship hostage or walk away. This is quite an eye-opener and certainly doesn't help my cynicism, one bit. Trial, You're hilarious. No man dating you would tell you the truth because he knows he would face your wrath! I bet every man you date feels like he's walking on eggshells around you.
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Collector, I'll answer your question after you've answered mine about the 1980's updated wardrobe and the right for a woman to hold a relationship hostage or walk, over a man's need to change his style. fral, my current guy doesn't walk on eggshells. He's grounded and confident!
The Collector Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Collector, I'll answer your question after you've answered mine about the 1980's updated wardrobe and the right for a woman to hold a relationship hostage or walk, over a man's need to change his style. If she loved his 80s style, and she doesn't like his new style, then maybe attraction will diminish. He will have to take that into account. Likewise if she hated tattoos and he wanted one. He can get it if he really wants, but does he have to if he wants his partner to find him attractive? Your turn. Also, who is seriously talking about holding a relationship hostage or walking? Maybe one poster said something like that, the rest are saying they would be disappointed that our wishes weren't a factor. No need for the hysterical framing.
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 If she loved his 80s style, and she doesn't like his new style, then maybe attraction will diminish. He will have to take that into account. Likewise if she hated tattoos and he wanted one. He can get it if he really wants, but does he have to if he wants his partner to find him attractive? Your turn. Also, who is seriously talking about holding a relationship hostage or walking? Maybe one poster said something like that, the rest are saying they would be disappointed that our wishes weren't a factor. No need for the hysterical framing. Okay, then my response will be that if attraction diminishes over the thought of my getting my haircut, I would get the haircut. If the man truly valued all of me and was stating his honest opinion, I would factor it in my decision to cut or not. It would depend on why I wanted to cut my hair. If it were for strictly style reasons, I wouldn't cut it or compromise on the length. If it were for a serious practical reason, I would still cut it. Actually, more than one male poster stated that it was a dealbreaker or that it was something to take passive-aggressive action over. So no need to try to minimalize what was stated. Go back and read the posts. As for hysteria, you're reading far too much emotion into my posts. I'm not even angry. Just a little disappointed.
Isolde Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I don't like it when men have their hair past their shoulders. Does that make me a jerk? This is one of those typical male preferences that I actually understand.
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Oh and one more category, if I thought it would sever the relationship, guaranteed I'd cut my hair.
The Collector Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 As for hysteria, you're reading far too much emotion into my posts. I'm not even angry. Just a little disappointed. I didn't think you were angry or emotional. I think you were calmly and calculatedly (not a word) ratcheting up the stakes to frame the poor would-be Sinead O'Connor as a victim and the mean old threatening man as a bully. But when we stick to the issue you admit that you would take your man's feelings into account and avoid a haircut he hates, so you get a cookie.
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I didn't think you were angry or emotional. I think you were calmly and calculatedly (not a word) ratcheting up the stakes to frame the poor would-be Sinead O'Connor as a victim and the mean old threatening man as a bully. But when we stick to the issue you admit that you would take your man's feelings into account and avoid a haircut he hates, so you get a cookie. Oh come now. Your responses are very condescending. I might take them into account, I might not, reliant on how shallow I thought the man was. If he gave me the least impression he was THAT shallow, that attraction would decrease, I'd be getting a buzz cut.
Treasa Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Let's just hope he acts the same if you ever gain 40lbs, men are just not wired the same way we are. Short hair is not an issue for your guy, that's great!! But for some men it is. So your situation is irrelevant here since your guy does not have an issue. This thread is about men who do have an issue. Well if you ever do anything to put him off to such extent I think that will be the least of your worries, the showing him the door part, I would think he would have found the door all on his own. I think that is a very dangerous attitude to have in relationship with someone you love the "if he doesnt' like it there is the door" bit. But to each their own I suppose. When he met me I was 120 pounds overewight. He was with me when I lost it all, he was with me when I gained some of it back, and he's still with me while I'm losing what I gained back. Nice try, though. Not all men are like that.
The Collector Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Oh come now. Your responses are very condescending. You love it.
Treasa Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Two guys who had the opportunity to prepare an answer. Two guys who have learned to say the right thing. Notice neither said that they would like their SOs better with that hairstyle. Neither of them said they would actually like such a haircut. One said he would still be attracted, the other gave a vague "I will still love you if you love me" kinda answer. Gotta love those guys for their diplomacy. Now it would have been a better test if you came home with the haircut and then surprised him with a "What do you think, dear?" THEN we have a real test. I usually give my wife an honest answer...good or bad. If it looks good, I tell her. If it doesn't, I tell her. HOW I tell her is important, and that is why I like a fair warning. One time I got my hair cut as short as I've ever had it in my adult life. My boyfriend loved it. He keeps asking me to get it cut like that. What I find insulting is that you assume he's lying when you don't know him at all. He thinks I'm beautiful. I think he's cute. Neither of us are perfect, but we're in love and happy and have been for a few years now. So what's the problem? I would never presume to tell I don't know that their SO, who I also don't know, is lying to them. That's pretty freaking rude. And I stand by what I said before. If I did something that I knew was right for myself, and he didn't like it, we wouldn't be together anymore.
Treasa Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I didn't think you were angry or emotional. I think you were calmly and calculatedly (not a word) ratcheting up the stakes to frame the poor would-be Sinead O'Connor as a victim and the mean old threatening man as a bully. But when we stick to the issue you admit that you would take your man's feelings into account and avoid a haircut he hates, so you get a cookie. Neither TBF nor I said that we don't care about what our SO's think. However, if you want to say that it's selfish to not care about what your SO thinks, then I think it's just as selfish to not want your SO to be happy, and if they want to get a certain haircut, you should be supportive. I haven't once bashed men or women. My boyfriend has just as much a right to his hair as I do mine. I don't particularly love his haircut, but he likes it, and I think he's cute and love HIM. In the grand scheme of things I think there are much more important things to worry about.
boxing123 Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 So your snowman/boyfriend comes home with a neck tattoo. He feels that expresses whom he is, and he never discussed this with you. He also knows you hate tattoos. No problem? You would not find that odd, or be upset?
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 So your snowman/boyfriend comes home with a neck tattoo. He feels that expresses whom he is, and he never discussed this with you. He also knows you hate tattoos. No problem? You would not find that odd, or be upset? I don't like tattoos but if that's what he wanted to do, no big deal.
Citizen Erased Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 So your snowman/boyfriend comes home with a neck tattoo. He feels that expresses whom he is, and he never discussed this with you. He also knows you hate tattoos. No problem? You would not find that odd, or be upset? Yes because a tattoo is the same as a hair cut. Unless he can grow skin all by himself, not the same thing.
The Collector Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Yes because a tattoo is the same as a hair cut. Unless he can grow skin all by himself, not the same thing. Like some weirdo still going round dressed like he was in Miami Vice or long wet hair going moldy were apt comparisons either.
Citizen Erased Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Like some weirdo still going round dressed like he was in Miami Vice or long wet hair going moldy were apt comparisons either. When did I say there were?
D-Lish Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I have a group of high school gf's that I still get together with once a month. We are in our 30's now- I am the last single one, all the rest are married with 2-3 kids... all of them unhappy, but existing. One thing I noticed is that soon after they got married, had kids, turned 30- they all chopped their hair off. Some of them have haircuts that I would discourage my own mother from getting. It's almost as if they took on this role of being A-sexual as soon as they got settled. They aren't even cute haircuts, which would be cool. They are really bad, short versions of what was bad 80's hair to begin with. Also- I often watch transformation shows like "what not to wear". Why do they always cut off everyone's hair who is over 30??? I've yet to see one show where I like the haircut. Short haircuts look absolutely sexy on some girls- just not all girls. I wouldn't keep my hair just because my SO wanted me to- I'd do whatever I thought looked best on me and what would make me feel better. My mom is only 63- but she looks 75 because she has the short sausage roll helmet hair going on. She could look so much younger and more attractive with a more modern bob. I'm always only going to do what I want to do with my hair. I once dated a guy that loved short hair and begged me to get it cut. I never did, and I am glad I didn't.
The Collector Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 When did I say there were? You didn't, but such analogies and arguments have been raised in this thread. Is a permanent neck tattoo the same as a buzz-cut? No. But it involves the matter of consulting your partner before changing your appearance in a way they may hate without consulting or caring about their reaction.
Ocean-Blue Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I have very long hair. It's partly because my bf loves my hair long. I like my hair at this length, though it's a pain to maintain. I intend to cut my hair short once I get married. Why? It's simply too hard to maintain this length of hair. By then, I'll be out in the professional world...I'd much rather deal with styling short hair than long hair that can only be worn a few ways. My bf will have to deal with the short hair then.
carhill Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I have no opinion on short vs long, but am curious as to the impetus for the timeline. Why not lower the maintenance time and cost now?
PandaStillLovesBunny Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Although it did indeed turn out to be a bad omen - my somewhat-schizo ex-girlfriend took her hair from being about waist-length down to a typical man's length, and then dumped me a few weeks later -- I LOVED my ex's short hair. Something about it was just so sexy. And, apparently, I wasn't the only one who noticed.
zenith Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Mr. Bells knows how to get ratings!!! short haired women are scary
JamesM Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Treasa, My apologies. What I find insulting is that you assume he's lying when you don't know him at all. I would never presume to tell I don't know that their SO, who I also don't know, is lying to them. That's pretty freaking rude. And I stand by what I said before. If I did something that I knew was right for myself, and he didn't like it, we wouldn't be together anymore. For some reason, you took this much more seriously than I ever intended. TBF knows me and took it the way intended. I never intended to imply that your BF was lying. Far from it. I was making light of the words used. Truthfully, I think it is great that guys do learn how to state their opinions in ways totally respectful of their SOs. And most of them don't even bother to notice that their wives or GFs have made any changes in hair styles. Your BF does take the time to notice and care. You are right...I do not know him nor you. I did not presume to think he was lying. And yes it would be "freaking" rude of me to say such a thing in seriousness. As most (I think) know about me, I tend to assume the best in everyone. As I stated earlier, my wife has gone from long to short and one time to real short (shorter than mine). While I give her my opinion, I have never told her how she should or shouldn't wear her hair. I did not marry her to be a doormat and "yes" woman. In fact, I love her independence. There have been many times that I think things she wants to do or does do are not good for her. Sometimes I am correct in my analysis, and other times I am wrong. Any time she asks, she gets my opinion. It is her choice to do as she wishes. I will always tell her what I think is right for her as she will tell me her view of my actions. And even when I do profusely disagree with her actions or she with mine, we both know that we will stick by each other in spite of our disagreements. Just because we do something that the other considers wrong has never been a reason to split. This has worked for the over twenty years we have been together...almost nineteen of them married. Again, my apologies for the perceived rudeness and insulting nature of my previous post. No insults were even considered and all words were in complete jest.
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