bilbit Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 After a LDR, then another year actually with the guy, I broke it off. I couldn't count on him at all and I don't know how many times he stood me up for work, but I continued to let it slide. If I'd been smart I would have ended it nine months ago, but I was afraid of being alone, which is a stupid reason to stay with someone. Two months ago I realized that I didn't feel anything for him, the sex was never going to be anything but terrible, and I didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore. Now he calls me all the time. I've tried to be nice about it, gently turning him down when he asks me to come over late at night and "talk." I finally said yes to dinner tonight, cause I figured he needed to get something off his chest. It would be in a public place and I wouldn't have to stay very long. Well, we talked. I said my piece and he said he wanted me to know that he wasn't as bad as I thought he was. Then he asked me to come over after work. I asked why and he said he wanted to talk. We'd just talked over dinner and it was like pulling teeth to get him to say anything. I told him that I didn't think going to his apartment would be a good idea. Something tells me that I shouldn't be alone with him. How do I get this guy to leave me alone? I wish he'd go back to ignoring me the way he did while we were going out. I'm never going to give him a second chance, and I've explained that to him as nicely as possible, but he doesn't get it. Should I quit being nice and tell him flat out? Then next time he calls, and he will, I might say: "Look, I've tried to be nice about this, but you don't seem to get it. Leave me alone. I will call you when I'm ready to be friends with you." What should I do?
Ariadne Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Well, When guys live together with someone like that they get attached. Seems like your guy is trying hard to get back together and make things the way they were, which it seems worked for him. He may feel he has a chance because it may be that you still don't want to be alone and that he can be of comfort.
Geishawhelk Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Go with your gut feeling and tell him that. "Look, I've tried to be nice about this, but you don't seem to get it. Leave me alone. I will call you when I'm ready to be friends with you." And then block him off everywhichway you can. Delete his texts and messages, don't pick up the 'phone, and block his e-mails. The more you respond, the more he'll think he has a chance. And do not ever find yourself alone with the guy. Good call.
bubblegum Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Why does your gut tell you not to be alone with him? (not suggesting you should, I agree you should go with your gut, but I'm curious)
Author bilbit Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 I don't mean to describe the guy as a psycho. I still like him as a person, but I've told him over and over that I don't want to be his girlfriend anymore. He says he is okay with that. I don't know why my gut tells me to stay away. I know I don't want to go to his apartment, though. Maybe I should just ignore his calls altogether.
Goatsbreath Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 I don't mean to describe the guy as a psycho. I still like him as a person, but I've told him over and over that I don't want to be his girlfriend anymore. He says he is okay with that. I don't know why my gut tells me to stay away. I know I don't want to go to his apartment, though. Maybe I should just ignore his calls altogether. If you do still wish to be friends at some point tell him that some time apart needs to happen for both of you to regain a sense of who you both are separately. If he says he is ok being your friend then that's what needs to happen first. Right now its just not realistic.
alwayssme Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Why dont u let him know what went wrong in the relationship, tell him u stringed him along for 9 months because u were afraid of being alone.....u making him sound pretty bad and maybe he was...i dont know him enough to judge..but u staying with him for 9 months because u didnt want to be alone? im sorry but i dont agree with that at all..did u talk to him about your guys problems before? did u tell him why u broke it off with him? maybe he needs closure...from what i hear, u sound liek u never even liked him.....
smiiiley Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 ok, hi i'm going to sound like a straight up b_i_t_c_h but that's because I don't think you're in the right at all. You were with him in LDR than with him for a year. You say you wanted to break up with him 9 months ago but didn't want to be alone (selfish). Then two months ago you didn't feel ANYTHING for the guy? You thought sex was terrible, basically you thought all these things about him but didn't tell him right away how you felt? (Or did you? If you told him how you felt about the sex and everything and he stayed with you, then thats his fault) I'm sure you wouldn't like it if you were in a relationship with someone and they thought the sex with you was terrible and felt annoyed by you...BUT they stood with you for that long. Maybe I got the story wrong, but did he know actually how you felt? Why did you stay with him if you didn't love him?
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