Desires to contact ex gf's of my past....

[MissingMyHubby]

I have been broken up for about 6 weeks now, it was a fairly mutual breakup.

Here is my question...but before that, I will include a quick backlog.

I have had about 5 girlfriends, anywhere from 4 months to 2.5 years. I have had periods from 2 weeks to 1 year of "in between" time before landing the next girlfriend.

Question....

 

In these in between times it seems that we (or at least me) feel like we will forever be doomed with lonelyness and growing old without sharing it with someone. We feel no one else will love us like the ex.

Now with that being said, I am trying to gauge a feeling on myself. Almost "step outside" myself and look. My feelings right now are ones of lonelyness, dreadness of the single life for which I am not TRULY happy.

Final question....Since being single for 6 weeks now, and giving thought into the fact I feel lonely, I have fleeting urges to contact ex's BEFORE my most recent ex, in addition to the most recent ex. I feel like setting the record straight with ex's frm 4 years ago/2 years ago. Why do I feel this way? Why do I care how they feel towards me? Is it part of me wanting to be on the good side and plant a seed in the event things don't work out with their respective boyfriends, etc?

I never get these urges to contact when I am with someone, so I assume it is a spillover of feelings of being lonely and wanting companionship. For now, I will post an letter on here, instead of to the women of my past...

XXXX,

I have not spoken to you in well over a month now. I do wish to tell you some things that are jamming in my head.

I forgive you and I forgive myself for our reasons why we did not work out. It was easy to beat myself over a failed relationship, but once I became at peace with myself, and conceded to the power of forgiveness for me and you, it freed me from a mental prison of replaying events and overanalyzing. I, of course, have had plenty of time to reflect on our relationship. Both me and you had acted as we felt in the present moment, given the current circumstances and situation. Neither of us was at "fault" for anything. We both gave each other our best shot and it turned out to be not good enough. It happens.

I still care about you, and your well-being. I sincerely hope you, your family, and dogs are doing well. I will never forget about you, and I know that even if we were on talking terms right now, that eventually there will come a time when it is deemed inappropriate when a serious relationship is in the works.

I hope that you harbor no resentment towards me and the relationship. I would like to stay in touch with you at whatever pace feels appropriate. I enjoy hearing about young Kim getting her face eaten by a dog, the wilderness over by Wal-Mart, how Danny Z's is a piece of crap, and how your family is doing. Understandably, I can see a forsee a non-interest in any of that, and have surrendered myself to that outcome. At any rate, I hope you are doing well out there and hope you ended up landing yourself a 42 inch plasma TV, on the mover's dime.

Sincerely,

Me

[confused888]

I've been there, done that. You don't have a desire to contact them when you're with them because 'You're with them.' You're lonely and your self esteem is in the balance. You are trying to make ex's make you feel better and inflate your ego a little. Trust me, from experience... the quick high you might get from it is not worth it. It opens up pandora's box. Ex's are in your past for a reason. Leave them there. Go on a dating website if you have to, make new friends, join a gym. If you were where you needed to be mentally and emotionally they wouldn't even be a second thought... and they shouldn't be.

[MissingMyHubby]

just what i needed to hear...its a waste of time to contact them and this desire too shall pass.

[JooLee]

reminds me of that movie high fidelity.

john cusack's character did exactly what u wanted to do.