Untouchable_Fire Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 My guess is that she knows very well. The question is...does he know why she has no interest? And it appears he does not....or he is not listening to her response. Some women are literally too self absorbed to have this fact sink in. Especially the controlling types... which this guy seems to have married. Spoken as one who has not found the true love of his life. Here we are equating sex with love. Just because someone does not have interest in sex...this in no way means she does not love him. The assumption is...if she does not care to meet his needs, then she does not love him. Untrue. To her, she may feel that all he wants is sex...and not her love. She may think (rightly or wrongly) that he just wants a "hole." Spoken like a woman. When did your balls get chopped off? Before or after marriage? Let me guess... you are allowed sex once a month? No sex = No love. At least not the kind that should be found in a marriage. Totally untrue. She may simply have so many worries that sex is not a priority. And when he made his vow at his wedding, he did not say "Yes...as long as it doesn't get too difficult and as long as she meets MY needs." And... keeping her husband is not a priority? How stupid can she be? In what world is it Ok to shut off your spouse? First off, to you she is not worth it, because you did not marry her. Second, women are worth so much more than their sexuality. If sex was the only reason for marriage, then there is no reason to marry. Third, why is it a mistake to spend "one moment too long" with a woman who is the mother of his child? Why is it not worth taking some time to see if HER needs are being met? Marriage is much more than sex...even if sex happens every day. Yeah sex is 10% of a marriage, but its' the most important 10%. If you don't have it... the other 90% is useless. Why? Because it's not marital love, its a friendship at best. Bottom line. Don't waste your energy on women who don't or wont love you! Your an idiot if you do.
WIN3S Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I am no one to speak since I am not married or has ever been married, but I can say this I am in a long term relationship and I think that COMMUNICATION (as corny and tired as that sounds) is the key. If you feel this way TELL her about it, its better than whatever it is you are about to do. You can only hurt her, it'll make NOTHING better. Don't cheat, once you break the trust to someone THAT important to you - the mother to your child!!! - you can never get it back. And after years of marriage, I think, you become a FAMILY, she is your flesh and blood, your left arm, a part of your soul a part of your heart, how could you do anything like that to her? Yes the sex may go out of the marriage but as long as she is not CHEATING ON YOU (which you should probably find out...) you cannot go cheat on her.
JamesM Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Some women are literally too self absorbed to have this fact sink in. Especially the controlling types... which this guy seems to have married. Guaranteed you are right because "some" can even include one...so yes, this is possible. However, most do know what is wanted and choose to ignore it. I don't think we can say based on what we have read if she has no clue. My guess is that as someone who has been married for awhile, she knows very well. Wives DO know because they learn to know their husband's non-verbal cues. Spoken like a woman. When did your balls get chopped off? Before or after marriage? Let me guess... you are allowed sex once a month? No sex = No love. At least not the kind that should be found in a marriage. :lmao: What a great comeback! Just did a check...."balls" are still there. So, if someone is married to a wife who is paralyzed from the waist down and cannot have sex, then she must not love her husband anymore? A woman who has been raped as a child or who has endured years of sexual abuse by her father finds sexual relationships with her husband difficult to handle as it brings back so many memories. Does that mean she does not love her husband? No. Oops. Equation fails. And it does in so many ways when there is no sex in a marriage which have more complex emotional problems. I will grant you that a marriage with no sex does have problems, but this does NOT mean that there is no love. And... keeping her husband is not a priority? How stupid can she be? Someday you may find out that...even though at your age, you should know....many times we DO have things that "seem" more important to our lives than wives/husbands and marriage. Is this good or "right?" No. Can it be damaging to our marriages? Absolutely. But I agree...how stupid can we be to let the most important relationship in our lives fall to pieces? In what world is it Ok to shut off your spouse? None. But so often that "shut off" spouse has not been paying attention to the many clues that tell him or her (and this is NOT directed at the OP) "we have a problem." One day the spouse who feels wronged or ignored simply "shuts out" the spouse who placed him or her on low priority. Then the newly "shut off" spouse wakes up and is indignant that he or she has been shut out...even though many clues were revealed weeks or months in advance. Yeah sex is 10% of a marriage, but its' the most important 10%. If you don't have it... the other 90% is useless. Why? Because it's not marital love, its a friendship at best. Many...including myself... would disagree with this. Simply "having sex" is useless in itself. However, "having sex" as an intimate and mutual expression of one's love is a great way to communicate one's love to his or her partner. Sounds so similar yet it is so very much different. Marriage with great sex and a lousy friendship is worse than a great friendship and no sex. Why? Because in a great friendship, one can communicate the problems that need solving freely. However, living with one's enemy while having great sex makes for an uncomfortable living arrangement...at best. Bottom line. Don't waste your energy on women who don't or wont love you! Your an idiot if you do. Bottom line...marriage has its ups and downs. While I cannot say what the answer is in this situation, I can say that in many marriages when the going gets tough, it WILL take energy to make the marriage great again. A commitment was made. Even when one partner seemingly does not honor his or her commitment, this in no way releases the other from his or her commitment. It takes a man to stay in a marriage that isn't perfect...at the moment. It takes "balls" to stay around and fix what isn't giving immediate pleasure. It takes energy to reap great rewards. The weak man with no balls leaves at the first sign of trouble. Only an idiot would leave without knowing if he or she has exhausted all means of solving his or her problems. Children seek pleasure today, and give up easily when they don't receive immediate rewards. Adults take responsibility for their vows and honor commitments even when it seems that there are no rewards in the immediate future. Be an adult...not a child. Be smart....not an idiot. Be energetic...not lazy. And above all, show that you have "balls."
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