pdw Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 I consider myself a very selective and its not often i meet someone i feel a strong connection with.... until last week. Met a 39 yr old, over the internet, he is widowed (for 5 yrs) with a few kids and i can tell he is a good person and father. I'm a single mom and have a lot of respect for what he is doing. Our tea date was great, the conversation flowed, we had so much in common, i found him very attractive, and he gave me a big hug when he walked me to the car. Problem now... is since then we have been texting back and forth for about 6 days, and it is primarily very flirtatious sex talk. IE: Lets skip the tea next time and go right for the jacuzzi. if i reply thats funny, he comes back and says, come on lets do it. We ended up speaking on the phone one night, and it turned into sex talk, him asking me my preferences, and he telling me his..trying to figure out if we would be compatable sexually. I told him it takes me a while to get to that stage with a guy, and he feels strongly about having it right away to see if we are sexually compatable or not?? He seems to be truly serious about this. Not sure what to do. I think i could really like this guy, and don't want him to lost respect for me. Sure, i would love to sleep with him, but am afraid to do it too soon, the chase will be over and he'll disappear or never take me seriously. BTW, he said he has had relationships in the last 5 years, one was for a year. So there may be potential for something. Also, if we get together this week, good chance it will be at his house one night after his kids go to sleep. Any advice please!!! i like this guy and don't want to screw up.
D-Lish Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Well, set the pace yourself. Men will go for sex asap if they think they can have it. If you want something deeper with anyone- wait until you feel right about it. So, set the pace and tell him you want a date outside of his house. Sounds like he just wants sex. If he's relationship worthy at all, he'll wait until you're ready. Set yourself apart from the norm, that's what will get you noticed. If you sleep with him now, you're toast.
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 If you want to have sex with him right away, don't stop yourself because you're concerned he'll lose respect for you and wander off. Consider it in this light. Any guy who's loses interest after sex, is someone you're well rid of sooner, rather than later. If you can compartmentalize sex and bonding, go for it! The flipside: Def. don't sleep with him if you're not ready. This is a totally different issue. It's your body and when you're ready, you'll know it. This is called having respect for your own body. Sex isn't about unselfishly meeting his needs. It's not about a clock-work number of dates. It should be the natural progression between mature and responsible adults who care about each other. A guy who pushes sex when you're not ready and keeps up the pressure, isn't someone who cares much about your feelings. BEWARE this kind of guy!
BentSpine Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 I doubt that by holding out that you can make someone want to stay after sex, they either like other things about you or they don't. On the other hand, by holding out you do weed out the ones that haven't yet found some other attractive quality about you besides sex. In other words, I believe that if someone stays after sex it was because they already liked something else about you, not because they began to respect you because you held out. When I feel both a physical and mental connection with a woman but also sense hesitation, I patiently hang around as long as the intimacy is steadily progressing. In that case I know it's only a matter of weeks before we will be where I, as a man, want us to be. Beware: the hesitation must be genuine! If I feel that she trusts me and wants me but still wants to hold out for a predetermined lenght of time, then she can be alone with her game-playing as far as I'm concerned. In you case, the guy doesn't sound very patient at the moment. I doubt he's in the best state of mind to discover attractive qualities about you.
ruggy Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Why not meet midway? Fool around with him, but don't go all the way. Its your body. You should say when and where, not him. If he forces or keeps pushing, it might not be worth it. Then again, if he thinks you would not give him anything, he might think you are not interested. I cannot believe I am saying this, but, give him just enough to continue to be curious (sexually). You can keep this going for weeks, possibly months. Depends on how much he wants you and respects you. If he truly respects you, he will wait until you are ready. If not, then he just wanted the sex and nothing else.
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