GodofNietzsche Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 My last girlfriend was beautiful. Pretty face, amazing body. But emotionally and psychology she was a train wreck. I tied my anchor to a sinking ship. Recently, I met another woman. She is not nearly as attractive as my ex, but she is smart, strong, funny, confident, and seems to be a very good person (I'm not judging too quickly). Anyways, I've been thinking about how important looks are in a partner and I've come up with this: Looks are like the icing on a cake. Now, a cake by itself can be very good. The icing just makes it better. But if you take icing and spread it over #rap, I don't care how many layers you put on, because at the end of the day it's still gonna taste like #hit. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Do you find the new woman attractive at all? I spend a lot of time worrying that my ex left me because of my looks. I think that being smart, creative, driven, and a bellydancer just wasn't enough. He's really good-looking and I feel like I just didn't measure up. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Yup, icing is part of the initial attraction but if it's only crap underneath and you choose to invest, you're on the highway to hell! Link to post Share on other sites
Author GodofNietzsche Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 I do. But her other qualities attract me more than her looks. Those are the long lasting qualities that won't fade. With looks, who knows... Link to post Share on other sites
alwayssme Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 You know what's funny? I used to think looks were so important...I always took care of myself because I thought if they found me attractive then of course they would like me...I never had problems with rejection..if I liked a guy all I had to do was flirt a little and they liked me back... In many cases I thought that they "liked" me for me and cared for me sincerely...but I was in for a rude awakening...It's hurting how many times I heard "I'm very attracted to you" and I thought it was a good thing...i mean who wouldnt like that right? wrong, because many of these guys..thats all they saw in me...and quite honestly i think i have a great personality but for some reason i met alot of jerks in my life who could care less about that and all they wanted was to "mess around" because "i was so attractive" but that was it....and even my ex had the nerve to tell me in the end "i think i was just really infatuated and attracted to you, your a great person but i dont love u anymore..its just attraction"... it may sound weird to find this hurtful because hearing that your attractive is a good thing...but it hurts sooo much when you like somebody and want to be with them and they just simply want to "be" with you... Link to post Share on other sites
confused888 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Take it slow. If you're still asking yourself this question when you've had a chance to get to know her then yea, looks are important. I've always dated the cute, built guys with the adorable smiles. Then I met this one that was smart, funny, had an amazing voice, and so many qualities I found myself just as attracted to him as the hot ones. He was very overweight and the only thing he had going for him was blue eyes. We dated for two years... If she's worth a shot, you'll know. Your heart generally lets you know these things. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Ah my ex was a very beautiful slender European women, but was always cranky and bossy. This girl I'm dating now is cute bit she's a bit chubby but I like her so so much, so to me nope looks are not that important. Funny thing is I wasnt attracted to her, untill I started to talk to her so much and now I'm attracted to her so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I tend to look at it this way. "Never judge a book by it's cover". Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 how a women acts, or carries herself, goes alot further to me than looks. looks fade, class don't. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 This is really stunning to me. I have told myself my whole life that every single breakup was caused by my being too fat. I just assumed that a large part of the reason my ex dumped me was because his gf before me was a skinny Asian and he was embarrassed to be seen with me. All his gfs before me (at least that I know of) were EXTREMELY skinny -- like, no boobs, no butt, etc. He too is extremely skinny (6'2", 125 lbs.) He is so skinny I couldn't really snuggle with him because it was too painful. Needless to say, I've beaten myself up mercilessly over the fact that I have boobs and my belly isn't concave. I know some guys say they like boobs, but I've always assumed they were lying and that the truth is all guys want a woman with a body like Nicole Richie's. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 why would you even compare yourself to her? ALOT of us guys love meat on womens bones. that's why you always married a fat tatooed woman. "heat in the winter, shade in the summer, and moving pictures all year round":laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Apparently, looks are primo for some people. I truly hope that anyone who feels looks are primo, can bring the same to the table, 'cause otherwise, it's a dealbreaker! Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Someone might not want to get romantic with me b/c of my looks. And I'm not even bad-looking. But that is their right. Can you blame someone for not being attracted to you? I see girls all the time and think, "No way would I date her." BUT, if someone denies me company b/c of my looks (male or female), they're an idiot. EVERYBODY, what you really want in this life is friends. Let all the girlfriend stuff come later. Friends are there to listen, have fun. Plus, you don't have to worry about whether or not they wanna f*ck you. Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 In my experience some goodlooking guys are dead boring.. i know some hot ass strippers and on the outside they are fine but try having a decent conversation .. its just not there. maybe they feel they dont have to try? For me i do like a guy who is appealing to the eye /well mine..but they have to have a good personality and meat on them.. nothing beats a bit of a wobbly belly;) manners charm and a good sense of humour and im happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Looks are important, but looks alone aren't enough. Link to post Share on other sites
motive2002 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Are looks important? I think so. More so than you think. For many years I've had this pattern of insecurity. I've always been afraid that my new love will leave me. It creates a lot of anxiety and so forth in any new relationship. Also, I am the king of "open mouth, insert foot". Looking back I am amazed at some of the things I have said to the girlfriends I've had in the past. To put it quite bluntly, I am high maintenance. I can be a real jerk sometimes, and on top of that have these nice mood swings. I am trouble ladies! There is a point to this and I'm getting there. When I was younger, I was pretty good looking. I had to have been because I had a lot of girlfriends and they all put up with my BS. The one thing that seemed to be a common factor, was that they all thought I was attractive. Even after the relationship was a bust and things didn't work out, I'd still get phone calls, visits, booty calls etc. The attraction never dulled it seemed.. well until I got older. Now that age has taken it's toll, this behavior of mine is not well tolerated.. at all. I've learned that I have much to work on to be in a good relationship because I can't just slide on my looks alone anymore. I've seen this in myself, and I've seen it in others. Once the looks go, you had better develop a strong character, otherwise you're not going to get very far... and sometimes even that doesn't help. I have never had a woman attracted to me because I was smart, or witty, or any of those things. I mean hell, Rodney Dangerfield was witty and funny... I don't think that was landing him babes though. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I have no idea if I'm good-looking or not. I don't ask people and they don't tell me. For all I know I could be a facial train wreck. And that possibility does not bother me at all. Especially as a man, personality gets you everywhere. As some women on this thread have already noted, even big fat dudes can get women as long as their personalities are intriguing/kind/creative/whatever. I think the smart women realize that if a guy is an Adonis, he knows it; and pretty immediately they notice that he treats people and women like sh*t because of his massive, vain ego. Good looks are helpful if you're stupid and just want to f*ck other stupid people. In the end, though, your interactions with others define your likability. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy.S Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 = good looking = not good looking Do you want some one who is or ? But looks is never enough, you need a good personality too. Looks is just the icing on a cake. If the cake itself is not good then all you have is some icing. But if you have both, you got some very special cake. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I don't see how anyone could be attracted to someone if they don't like the person's looks. Plus, better looking people get more opportunities out of life and are treated better. Sucks, but it's 100% true. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Looks are only as important as you make them. If I was some how magicaly attracted to some fat smelly old woman I wouldn't care what any one else thought because for me its about what I'm atracted too and not how something looks Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Plus, better looking people get more opportunities out of life and are treated better. Sucks, but it's 100% true. Life must be amazing for you, congratulations Link to post Share on other sites
Jmina Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 In stead of having the perspective of picking someone on looks or personality use the perspective of who your actually attracted too. you might find someone 'less attractive' to attract you more. Link to post Share on other sites
trueblue72ny Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Love at first site isn't based on personality. So ya they are important to a certain extent, but i would not say they are everything. If you like her and are attracted to her, and she is to you, than go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I don't see how anyone could be attracted to someone if they don't like the person's looks. Plus, better looking people get more opportunities out of life and are treated better. Sucks, but it's 100% true. You must be new to the looks thing. It gets old...fast! Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 At least it gets old once the nasty arrogant attitude comes out. Link to post Share on other sites
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