smile_through_tears Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I look outside my window and its snowing and bam, memories come to mind...when we would cuddle in the cold and watch movies, when we would sleep holding each other..damn it!! it was freezing outside but it was warm inside and we used to lay down, listening to romantic songs..or when we would cook for each other...just us two... when he surprised me for Valentine's Day...or when we would hang out at my college and he would help me with my homework...I look outside and his car isnt there...it was ALWAYS there...now its not late at night i would always talk to him and we always texted each other when we couldnt see each other...we went through so much together...the messed up part is that i dont miss only the good times, i miss us arguing too..and when i hear my friends tell me about their relationship, i just miss my ex so much...omg this hurts so bad....and the worst part is i know he's not seeing around hurting over this...it is too painful to not have him in my life...does he even remember all the things we promised each other? how is this fair?? we BOTH said we loved each other and showed it to each other...why am i the one whos hurting? i didnt change, i kept my promise...i still love him...yet im in pain? he changed, he broke so many prmoises and he's happy with his life? why do i gotta suffer for simply loving someone?? how would he feel is the roles were reversed and i did this to him?? oh wait i know...he used to cry whenever we would argue and tell me how bad it would hurt him....and we promised each other to never leave each other because we loved each other..... this world is so unfair....why do i gotta be the one to go through hell simply because i sincerely loved and cared for MY BOYFRIEND!!!! I swear i could care less about being rejected by someone i was never with...by being left & forgotten by the one i made future plans with??? i feel like he doesnt care about me at all anymore....i never talk to him anymore
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I feel your pain. I'm so sorry... I usually try not to connect with people but I can't help but empathize with you. It's so sad, and so hard. I know the feeling, to be willing to change anything and give anything to be with them again. You wake up after nightmares that were you and the one you love, together again. Nothing is worse than watching a movie and remembering exactly what you two were doing while you watched it together. It's like everywhere around us is a key to past memories. The random things and places evoke old memories, that inflict nothing but pain. It's so difficult being alone. Sitting up staring at walls, waiting for calls. They never come. You are alone, and you would give anything to go back into the past. You'd change anything for another chance. Your right, life isn't fair...
mm4184 Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 I'm so sorry you're going through this as well. I'm tearing reading it because I know exactly how you feel. Everything reminds me of him and I wonder how he can just be happy and have moved on... I always hate wondering if he ever thinks about me or misses me... It hurts. It really really does and I don't know how to get through it aside from just taking it day by day and hoping that one day, it just won't hurt as much. What else can we do? I haven't heard much from/about him because I've been detaching/distancing myself but I gave in yesterday and saw that this girl tagged him in some pictures and it hurts me because I know he's really trying to put himself out there and "make new friends" even if he told me he doesn't want a girlfriend for a long time and that I'd be married with kids before I see him with someone else. I WISH THAT WERE TRUE. But then when he said that, I wished he hadn't because I want him to marry ME. But yeah right. 3 years of bliss and now it's just nothing... How do we get through THAT?
neverlost Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 You have so many questions and the answers you seek will bring you no rest. Why do you hurt? Why are you in pain? I do know the answers to these. Because you are a loving, caring, genuine person. I'd love someone to think that way about me as you do about him. I'm afraid only time can heal. And I hope you will meet someone who will hold their promises forever with you. Take care of yourself, -neverlost
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