wingwoman Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 This may be a little long but I feel as though I need to give the whole story. I will be thankful for any advice. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 4 years and have lived together for nearly 2. I met him when I had just graduated highschool and am now 21. Our relationship has been pretty unconventional and rocky but we've gotten through it. Lately though it has just been unbearable due to constant verbal abuse (I'm a bit guilty) but I feel as though he is much worst and I have to stand up for myself in the process. We just started a small online business together and have gone through some tough financial times trying to make it happen and are still struggling as we are waiting for the fruits of our labours to come in.(2 years of hard work!) We don't even see to be good business partners because we have had countless disagreements and power struggles building it. I feel as though this has been a big reason for staying together for so long as I don't want to see all of my sacrifice and hard work go down the drain. I also dropped out of university and moved to "the big city" 2 years ago to pursue a different life with him. I have finally established myself here, am also a freelance photographer and made some great connections. I however don't have the financial means to move out on my own here at the moment as it's extremely expensive. The only way I would be able to be on my own is to move back to my parents house over a thousand miles away and start from square one with my life and education. I also can't pursue my craft there. We fight nearly everyday and screaming matches and throwing things isn't an irregular thing. Before I met my boyrfriend people used to tell me what a mellow I was, and I never got into arguments with anyone. I haven't even gotten into a fight with my parents in over 5 years! He on the other hand is a very angry, contentious individual who argues with everyone. He defintely has anger-managment issues and has acknowledged this many times, but has never gone through with getting help. I could go one forever about his flaws and the awful things he has said to me over the years but I won't. It's not all bad, other than our emotions we have a lot and common and can still lie in bed until 4 am having wonderful conversations and we still go out on pleasent dates. I just don't know what to do and think that if I stay in this relationship I will be a very unhappy person. On the other hand, if I stay here with him we may be very successful in our endeavores and can eventually work things out. I would love to get some advice from somewhat who faced the bullet and left in a hard situation like this.
norajane Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Sounds like a lot of immaturity melded with inexperience and some bad decisions and big dreams, and not knowing how to handle conflict productively. Maybe with a little too much togetherness and dependency on each other. No breathing room. Frankly, I think quitting school was your biggest mistake. It's great that you wanted to move to the "big city" and pursue a "different life", but waiting a couple of years to finish university would have put you in a position to pursue those dreams with more financial stability. And if you'd been taking the right classes, could have helped you in figuring how to run your business more effectively. Anyway. It's time for you to make a choice. Relationship or business. It's clear that you two can't do both. Since the main reason you've been staying with him is the business, then I suggest moving out and turning your relationsihip into a professional one. You can find a room to rent in an apartment with other roommates. If you live anywhere near a university, you'll find plenty of cheap, roommate living situations. You and bf need to make some breathing room so you're not so dependent on each other for EVERYTHING. Few people can handle that kind of togetherness.
Author wingwoman Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Sounds like a lot of immaturity melded with inexperience and some bad decisions and big dreams, and not knowing how to handle conflict productively. Maybe with a little too much togetherness and dependency on each other. No breathing room. Frankly, I think quitting school was your biggest mistake. It's great that you wanted to move to the "big city" and pursue a "different life", but waiting a couple of years to finish university would have put you in a position to pursue those dreams with more financial stability. And if you'd been taking the right classes, could have helped you in figuring how to run your business more effectively. Anyway. It's time for you to make a choice. Relationship or business. It's clear that you two can't do both. Since the main reason you've been staying with him is the business, then I suggest moving out and turning your relationsihip into a professional one. You can find a room to rent in an apartment with other roommates. If you live anywhere near a university, you'll find plenty of cheap, roommate living situations. You and bf need to make some breathing room so you're not so dependent on each other for EVERYTHING. Few people can handle that kind of togetherness. I really appreciate you taking the time to give me your input. You've got the dependancy, and not being able to deal with conflict thing bang on. We defintely spend way too much time together and I believe that is the main root of our conflicts. As for school, wanting to move away wasn't the only reason for dropping out. I was a bit pressured by my parents to enroll into university right after highschool without any real vision of what I wanted to do. I ended up taking a bunch classes that didn't really interest me. I forgot to ad that I am currently enrolled part time at a college taking more practical classes that won't get me an undergrad but will still give me skills to pursue different interests. (Just for specification, I live in Canada and university is the term for a school that only gives undergrads, and college I think is the same thing as community college in the states.) Seriously, a strictly professional and platonic relationship would be ideal for me as I've brought up that sentiment before, but he seems to think it can only be an all or nothing kind of thing. I will have to give it thought though.
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