Regan Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Never have problems dating ladies. They find me quite interesting. Problems arise when it is time to become intimate. Getting better with kissing, but past that I freeze up and then they either loose interest or I am friendzonealized. Was invited to this girls apartment and did not make a move. I probably got a way with it cause it was only the fourth date. If it happens again she'd probably think I am not mature enough to go further. Its happened all my life. I freeze up on the intimate part since I was sixteen. Now 27 it has become a real problem. I am always told we, me and her, have a great relationship but no or little intimate relations. Its not that I come of scared or nervious. I just avoid it. What shall I do?
ruggy Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Grow up and take a chance. What is the worst that can happen? If she says no or she's not ready, she'll tell you.
Author Regan Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 Yep ok. Was never good at taking chances. Always freeze up and stuff.
norajane Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Yep ok. Was never good at taking chances. Always freeze up and stuff. What does that mean? What happens when you're kissing her? Do you enjoy it or not? Do you want to go further and can't bring yourself to make the move? Do you know what to do to take it further, or do you get stuck on what the next step might be? Are you afraid of something? What are you afraid of?
Geishawhelk Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 "friendzonealised....."?? Just Friend-zoned will do.... But I have to enter that one into our Hall of fame! Truly a classic!! * Raptuous applause!!* :laugh:
Geishawhelk Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Why do you avoid it? What blocks you? Find the original cause. THEN address the symptoms.
ruggy Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I would tend to agree. Your screwing yourself. Stop-it and man-up. Good word though.
Author Regan Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Never been with a lady before. Concerned on how to act past kissing. Enjoy kissing very much. Though, anything further, I've backed off. Perhaps I am not comfortable nude and how I would perform on her. Instead of trying I just back off.
norajane Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 If you're at the point where she's kissing you enthusiastically, then you really don't need to have anxieties about taking the next steps. Let it happen naturally, and just go a little further each time. If you're kissing, start trailing kisses along her neck and move your hands along her back. Get out of your HEAD and let your senses take over. Then take it a little further and put your hands on her hips and pull her closer. She, at this point, should also be taking things a little further. Just follow her lead and go from there. You might also want to have a glass of wine together, just chatting and touching, getting closer. Both the wine and the intimate time together can ease your fears a little and make you more relaxed. Don't get drunk, though!!
Author Regan Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Just quick kisses lips on lips. Nothing more than that. Do not really understand exactly how to move from regular quick kisses to more intense kisses. Then to touch and feel. Move to the bed, and etc. These are the reasons why I tend to turn off cause I do not know what to do after that. This is where relations with the lady end for me. Should had learned and practiced in school, but did not do so. Now I am playing the price it seems. Anyone have a manual for the 21st century lady? I know where the parts are. Just need assistance in setting everything up and gettings up and running.
carhill Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 You're not hearing me. What do you fantasize about doing? I can tell you this is what got me over the virginity hump at my advanced age. Believe in the fantasy and make it real. Don't think; feel. It's something you do for yourself that you share with another. You'll slap yourself once you get through this, trust me. Try it
zenith Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 ^^ He said he's 27. nice one! you're smarter than I thought BTW, OP... listen to Carhill and Norajane
Author Regan Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 have sex with her. Easier done in my mind than in life. If we are sitting down on the sofa watching tv or something, how should I make the appoach to kiss her and expand from there?
likestolaugh Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 have sex with her. Easier done in my mind than in life. If we are sitting down on the sofa watching tv or something, how should I make the approach to kiss her and expand from there? if you're sitting on the couch (damn I wish I had a couch for this very reason lol)... try to get her to cuddle with you. Bring her closer to you. If the feeling is right, it can go from there to making out... and really from there, there's nothing much more that needs to be done but for with the flow.
Author Regan Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 Since I had not kissed a girl really since 16 (11 yrs or so), I just blocked out that part of my life. Never really needed it. Now, since I dedided to jump back into dating, I am at a loss with kissing and everything else. Just feel weird kissing and stuff. Just never really know what or how to do everything. A quick kiss I can usually pull off. Never put my toung in a girls mouth, or anything past a quick kiss. At a huge loss here. Seems I cannot find a way out of this mess.
RichGuy Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 I do not know one person who would pay for sex. You don't know any hobos? You don't know anyone in the military? You don't know any cops who used to be in the service? You don't know any rich and powerful men like Elliot Spitzer and yours truly? You don't know anyone who has been to strip clubs? You don't know any guys in long-distance relationships? You don't know any wives who complain that their husbands haven't touched them for weeks, even though they see each other everyday? The legitimate porn industry in the US is bigger than all professional sports (NBA,NFL,MLB,NHL) combined in terms of total revenue dollars per year. The underground sex industry, by virtue of being an illegal market, is probably even BIGGER than that... Sex is what makes the world turn around, boy...
Author Regan Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 No on all except the clubs. Was in one in 2002 and got a lap dance. That ain't sex, none of them. PoorGuy, ever been shot? You seem to have that award winning personality.
Geishawhelk Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 PoorGuy, ever been shot? You seem to have that award winning personality. What was that remark in aid of?
Tomcat33 Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 Since I had not kissed a girl really since 16 (11 yrs or so), I just blocked out that part of my life. Never really needed it. Now, since I dedided to jump back into dating, I am at a loss with kissing and everything else. Just feel weird kissing and stuff. Just never really know what or how to do everything. A quick kiss I can usually pull off. Never put my toung in a girls mouth, or anything past a quick kiss. At a huge loss here. Seems I cannot find a way out of this mess. What happened at 16 that you have not kissed a girl since? Also you say that you want some manual on how to treat the modern ladies, did you even read Norajane's post above that post you made? She gave you a very decent description and manual-like instructions on a very natural way you can approach this you might want to go back and read that if you missed it.
Author Regan Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Wasn't a necessity for my situation at the time. So I suppressed those feelings for a few years or so.
Geishawhelk Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 And as you can see, suppression has done you no favours, because you're even reticent and quasi-monosyllabic here too. It's a question of allowing yourself to follow your feelings and being willing to open up. Even to the point of saying: "I have no idea what I'm doing here - why don't you lead, and I'll follow?"
Author Regan Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Yes, I can agree I am lost here. I can also agree that I can control my emotions. But what I do not know is exactly how to move into the kissing stage and proceed from there. You know, take her shirt off, kiss her breasts, etc. I am pretty sure it will be obvious if I get to that stage. I would also like some liner notes to cover everything so I miss nothing. Not trying to be don juan here. Just average, which is an improvement from nothing (where I am now). Asking the girl during the session is probably not a big turn on for most. Looks more pathetic than a turn on.
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