Groovy Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Sorry, I didn't know what to title this as it is more of a rant. I ended a 1 1/2 yr relationship with Jim and had plans to marry them. It turns out he wasn't as committed to the marraige thing because when mishaps occurred he moved out. We each owned a big male dog and they got very aggressive with each other so he moved out as he could not say good bye to the dog. This friend Jamie knew I was available and we dated for 2 months. He said he was hesitant as he knew I just got out of a relationship. But he didn't seem hesistant as he called every day, bought me flowers, took me out for dinners and talked about how crazy he was about me. As far as I was concerned my ex made it clear I didn't mean much to him and therefore was not worth much thought. Here's the kicker. I didn't sleep with Jamie. I felt a little shy and wanted to be sure not to rush in. After 2 months I am thinking of not seeing other people and considering the physical aspects of us. But I get a call and he says " I don't want to be an ******* so I have to be completely honest" and I brace myself. In short he has been in a 1 year relationship. It has issues so they agreed to see other people and now that he did she smacked him and got angry he saw me. I am 36 and he is 44. Who the hell has a one year relationship as an adult and then decides to see other people? Then fights about it? What does that say about him other than he's extremely childish dating like people in high school or that he likes drama? I already felt mistrustful and he knew this but getting even with his girlfriend was more important? While I am happy he told me before I slept with him he has not been honest with me as I have been with him. I told him this is information to share on the first date....not 2 months later. I told him how I felt and this news changes everything. That I didn't think we should see each other but let me know when he works things out. But does he even deserve to be my friend or should I just tell him to go to hell? I feel like I just came close to being the other person on a bad episode of cheaters who had no clue.
Geishawhelk Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I looooooove cheaters... It's so cheeeesy in it's deep emotional sincerity....talk about carcrash TV! They're disembowled!! Kick him to the kerb. he and his GF play these stupid mind-games, he's a juvenile. Ridiculous way to behave. yech! What a jerk!
Author Groovy Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 The thing that really sucks is I don't feel like he's just a jerk. At this point in my life of experiences I feel ALL people suck. Not like I need to be careful because some people are bad people. But more like life is one big wasteland of worthless scum I would like to drop into a receptable like unwanted garbage and remove them from the planet anhilating much of the human race. That I could date and get to know someone but finding someone who isn't selfish and dishonest is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Because I am the one who isn't dishonest and selfish that I will just be alone in this world. This feeling sucks.....
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Quite honestly, you're going to find it difficult to find somebody with a good heart with your current attitude about the human race. I've been severely disillusioned about the power of love and may view things with more cynicism. But if you expect the worst from everybody, that's exactly what you'll get.
Author Groovy Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 After being lied to about marraige by one guy for 1 1/2 yrs, now this guy where I'm the "other one" and not knowing it like a bad cheaters episode, and the guy before that having sex 5 months with me and dissappearing in thin air without the respect of a call I should have a lot of faith and get that warm fuzzy feeling in the dating world! Let's not include the date from E-harmony where the guy tells me he lives with his ex wife and has sex with her still in their bed. Why do I not see a lot of promise in healthy relationships in the human race? Tell me I pick them wrong. I meet them in church, sport groups I play in, E-harmony. I wait to put out and somehow they end up being a douche bag. My faith in the human race is what it is. Not just for me but I see friends end up walking into a room with their spouse banging someone else. I've seen women left by husbands with 6 kids they can't feed and are sleeping on the couch to give a bed to the kids. I saw my neighboor die of AIDS because her husband slept around on her leaving her a painful day. And I've seen lovers murder the other one. Having faith were all wonderful is a bit hard right now. Time will heal my anger. And I guess the best is to say trust is earned. That I can trust but won't until time proves to me I can. I am willing to believe someone if they are willing to take time to show me. But until then I can't assume the person is a good person based on what I see and hear.
Geishawhelk Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Google B.F.Skinner. "A radical behaviorist, he developed the theory of operant conditioning -- the idea that behavior is determined by its consequences, be they reinforcements or punishments, which make it more or less likely that the behavior will occur again."
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I've had my share of being treated like **** by my fellow human being. But that doesn't mean that that is all there is out there. I won't give examples of things I've put up with myself to show you my point - it'll only add more reasons for you to distrust. But the attitude you carry sends out signals and you will continue to attract that type of person because that is what you expect them to be. I don't want you to feel berated. I just don't want you to lose the faith that good people DO exist in this world. It's just the bad ones that get the most press. I do sympathize with your situation. Like I said - I've dealt with my fair share of crap. Do give it time and maybe just spend time focusing on you and forgetting men for the time being.
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