lostgirl77 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 hi all, i started seeing a resident doctor at my hospital November last year. I've known him for 6 months as a coworker. He asked me out to a party, i wasnt available so I said we should go get a drink sometime. He was persistent and so we finally went out to a bar. On that first date, he stayed over at my apt. We made out but no sex. I told him, I'm not ready, and he respected it. He came over the week after, stayed over... still no sex. Third date, we went out for drinks and he dropped me off my place, and he went straight home. I then went on a three weeks vacation during which time, we would email each other occasionally. When I got back, I saw him. I gave in. We had sex. We've only gone out six times, and already had sex with him twice. But since I dont usually do this, I feel like a slut. I kinda like this guy and I'm really interested in him. He is very nice to me, and always apologetic when he messes up our date schedules. I want to work on this relationship to be exclusive in the future (not now, as it is too early). But how do I ask him without sounding very serious? I am also bothered that some of my friends think he might only be looking for casual sex. I am not that kind of girl and I would feel so bad if I ask him and he'd say that to me. Bottomline is, is it the right time to ask him or should i wait for a few more dates as I do not want to scare him away. On the other hand, I want to know if he is looking at really dating me or he's just trying to be friends with benefits with me. Sometimes, its just so hard to tell. Please help!
socialight Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 that the dream of becoming a doctor involves dumping whoever you are with for someone better once you finally become a doctor. That's a line from seinfeld but it is 99% true.
peach15 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I think the best way for you to go about this is to just ask him what his intentions are.. tell him you don't want to be friends with benefits and you want more than that. communication is the key. if thats not what he wants, i'd say move on.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Ask him more in an indirect way so you are still comfortable . Ask him about his relationship status, if hes just casually dating, if hes seeking anything serious.
Author lostgirl77 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 So, its been three days and he hasnt called me yet. I havent texted or called him too, until last night around 1030PM. I am really very anxious about this and I want to know if he's trying to avoid me or stop seeing me. So, I texted him just to say how are you. No reply. I called him. left a voicemail to call me back. Nothing. Called again, no reply. This morning, i sent a text message and tried calling him - nothing. I realize I am beginning to look pathetic, and really, I do not want to be like this. I just want to know what he is thinking and if he wants to stop seeing me then so be it as I have no control over that. It's just hard being ignored like this.
Girlygirl1977 Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 So, its been three days and he hasnt called me yet. I havent texted or called him too, until last night around 1030PM. I am really very anxious about this and I want to know if he's trying to avoid me or stop seeing me. So, I texted him just to say how are you. No reply. I called him. left a voicemail to call me back. Nothing. Called again, no reply. This morning, i sent a text message and tried calling him - nothing. I realize I am beginning to look pathetic, and really, I do not want to be like this. I just want to know what he is thinking and if he wants to stop seeing me then so be it as I have no control over that. It's just hard being ignored like this. Whoa - def stop contacting him now. If I get in a pattern where I care a lot more and don't get reciprocal contact, I know it is not so good. Since 1030pm last night you have 1) texted 2) called with vm 3) called again 4) sent text 5) called again! That's way too many contacts to someone who is not responding. I think he can sense a little desperation there. Lay low. I don't know what he wants but this early in - that's fair. I know residents are very busy - i remember dating one who was very selfish b/c of his busy schedule. Tread carefully.
Author lostgirl77 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 what do u think i should for now? Just keep quiet and wait if he contacts me or not? its really unfair! i feel used. its a horrible feeling.
Girlygirl1977 Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 what do u think i should for now? Just keep quiet and wait if he contacts me or not? its really unfair! i feel used. its a horrible feeling. You should do nothing. You have already contacted him 5 times so yes! If a guy wants to contact you, he knows how to find you. If you think he is so appealing, he probably thinks so too (and that you think this). Cool your jets for sure. I'm sorry you feel used. If this is how you feel, you should wait next time before having sex (wait till you feel more secure). What do you do at the hospital? you mentioned he is a resident. Again, from my experience I found the resident I dated to be one of the cockiest guys I have ever met. There are a lot of nurses in the hospitals who like them and make them feel like kings and then other women also like the idea of a doctor. It takes a good guy for it not to go to his head.
Treasa Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 what do u think i should for now? Just keep quiet and wait if he contacts me or not? its really unfair! i feel used. its a horrible feeling. You don't really have a choice except to wait for him to contact you back. Well, you could also go on with your life, which is really what I'd recommend. As far as you feeling used, unfortunately you brought that on yourself. In the future, you can avoid that feeling by not "giving it up" until you're in an exclusive relationship. I do hope you get over him quickly, though. I know a lot of doctors who are absolute jags.
Author lostgirl77 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 So we talked today. He said that he's not looking for anything serious right now as he has a big exam coming up end of march. He failed it the last time so he said he really needs to focus on it. What's bothering me is he is taking this so lightly, pisses me off. I know the best thing for me to do is walk away but I feel attached.
D-Lish Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 So we talked today. He said that he's not looking for anything serious right now as he has a big exam coming up end of march. He failed it the last time so he said he really needs to focus on it. What's bothering me is he is taking this so lightly, pisses me off. I know the best thing for me to do is walk away but I feel attached. I am not sure what you are attached to, besides the notion that he is a doctor. Think that's special? It's not special. If I were you I'd get more attached to the fact that he is a retard.
gummybear Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 So we talked today. He said that he's not looking for anything serious right now as he has a big exam coming up end of march. He failed it the last time so he said he really needs to focus on it. What's bothering me is he is taking this so lightly, pisses me off. I know the best thing for me to do is walk away but I feel attached. Gosh LG, I feel bad for you . The guy is truly a jerk! But do know that this has happened to most of us. I've been through something similar and felt used as well. Just becareful going forward and get to know someone one and feel more secure in the relationship before having sex with him. I know its hard when hormones kick in at times but its well worth it. You can also prevent the temptations of sex by not going back to anyones place and just keeping the dates in public places for some time until you know him better. Keep your chin up LG, its gonna be ok.
Author lostgirl77 Posted January 25, 2009 Author Posted January 25, 2009 During our last talk when he told me that he wasn't looking for anything serious right now, he also mentioned that he lost a little bit of interest because I nagged him. First I questioned him when I saw a picture of him and a girl in his house whiched he explained and we got past it. Second, when I added him to my facebook I saw several pictures of him n another girl from aug 2008and they're being sweet together, again I asked him about it via text and he never gave me an answer. He also said that I always ask where he is or what he is doing instead of asking him if his night went well at work etc. Personally, I do not remember a time that I asked him his location etc. Anyways, bottomline is during that talk I didn't have my time as I was on my way to work so we got cut off but he said we'd talk again the next day. I asked if we could talk in person and he said of course. The next day, he called I didn't pick up so he left a MSG to call him back. I didn't as I feel like I heard what I needed to hear and nothing is gonna change anyways. Fast forward 5 days later, I sent him an email asking him if we can talk in person and he said of course. Were trying to set the day now, sometime this week. In this talk what I want to accomplish is to charm him so we can give this another fair shot. I don't know if with my actions before, I drove him away but I really wanna try again but how do I let him agree with me? Guys, I need your help!
Author lostgirl77 Posted January 25, 2009 Author Posted January 25, 2009 I'm thinking of giving him "I'm sorry" cupcakes when I see him this week and tell him that I'm sorry I nagged him instead of communicating with him maturely. But at the same time, I do not want to look desperate, as he will be back at my hospital in July for 6 months. how do I talk to him so I could win him back again?
alphamale Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Bottomline is, is it the right time to ask him or should i wait for a few more dates as I do not want to scare him away. On the other hand, I want to know if he is looking at really dating me or he's just trying to be friends with benefits with me. Sometimes, its just so hard to tell. he's a physician in training so he probably gets a lot of interest from women....so i would wait
O'Malley Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I'm thinking of giving him "I'm sorry" cupcakes when I see him this week and tell him that I'm sorry I nagged him instead of communicating with him maturely. But at the same time, I do not want to look desperate Nix the cupcakes; it's the equivalent of a guy sending you flowers in response to your "Don't call me, I'll call you,". Unless you're going to frost them with Ex-Lax. He's already withdrawing interest; repeatedly attempting to contact him will only make his disinterest increase. Friendly, but casual indifference and leaving contact up to him is better than pressing the situation. But I think he's moved on.
You'reasian Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 So, its been three days and he hasnt called me yet. I havent texted or called him too, until last night around 1030PM. I am really very anxious about this and I want to know if he's trying to avoid me or stop seeing me. So, I texted him just to say how are you. No reply. I called him. left a voicemail to call me back. Nothing. Called again, no reply. This morning, i sent a text message and tried calling him - nothing. I realize I am beginning to look pathetic, and really, I do not want to be like this. I just want to know what he is thinking and if he wants to stop seeing me then so be it as I have no control over that. It's just hard being ignored like this. That's strange. You guys went out a few times, had sex and now he's not returning your calls. He could be extremely busy, as doctors are or maybe he thinks you're doing all the right things, but just can't handle a relationship now?
Girlygirl1977 Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 I'm thinking of giving him "I'm sorry" cupcakes when I see him this week and tell him that I'm sorry I nagged him instead of communicating with him maturely. But at the same time, I do not want to look desperate, as he will be back at my hospital in July for 6 months. how do I talk to him so I could win him back again? In the situation you are in (with the dynamics such that he has the upperhand - btw that's very obvious based on what you post), you are not better off by doing more things for him. He knows the situation and isn't "feeling it" or that strongly. Charming him will just make you look desperate. People tend to want what doesn't come so easily. You should not be initiating contact with this guy. He knows where you are and if he wants to find you, he'll make it very clear. You may have not asked about his whereabouts but he senses you are a nag in some way which is very unattractive esp. so early. Your questions on his facebook pics is way too much too. I'm sorry you need to tone down and not care so much. Pursue other options as I think he is doing that now. You seem way to attached for this early stage. The sex likely caused that but you have to realize he is not feeling as attached. Sadly, for some men they lose the thrill after sex (esp. if they weren't that serious to begin with).
You'reasian Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 At the same time, be careful about playing hard to get. If you generally avoid his attempts at contact, he will think you are not interested - which is fine if that's your true intention. Sometimes women are confused about us listening to your own rhetoric rather than what's coming out of our mouths or what we are doing. If we tell you we want to be with you, its cause........we want to be with you My advice: persue the guy. If he doesn't reciprocate in a timely manner, move on. If you have to play a game to get a guy, you may be misrepresenting your intentions - if they are geared toward a genuine relationship.
Girlygirl1977 Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 At the same time, be careful about playing hard to get. If you generally avoid his attempts at contact, he will think you are not interested - which is fine if that's your true intention. Sometimes women are confused about us listening to your own rhetoric rather than what's coming out of our mouths or what we are doing. If we tell you we want to be with you, its cause........we want to be with you My advice: persue the guy. If he doesn't reciprocate in a timely manner, move on. If you have to play a game to get a guy, you may be misrepresenting your intentions - if they are geared toward a genuine relationship. I think this is the type of guy who likes to do the pursuing. . .i am not telling her not to respond or show interest. I am telling her to be more of the recipient and responder to his gestures vs. pushing it. This guy seems to be dating around. .. and already called her a nag.
carhill Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Yeah, and, if I were a woman and a guy who I don't know real well had the pleasure of my body twice and then called me a nag, I'd be outta there so fast that wanna-be prima donna's head would spin. OP, there are a lot of great men out there who are doctors. This one isn't there yet.....I'd give him a silence sandwich and move on
Author lostgirl77 Posted January 25, 2009 Author Posted January 25, 2009 How do I pursue him without looking desperate though? Were gonna be talking later this week, how do I approach it?
Girlygirl1977 Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 How do I pursue him without looking desperate though? Were gonna be talking later this week, how do I approach it? Don't approach or think about it. He will do it if he wants you.
carhill Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Carry yourself as a woman of value; a woman worthy of the attention of a gentleman. Like the lady you are, continue with your valued social life and await an invitation from this gentleman and accede if it is your prerogative at the time. If his mommy and daddy raised him right, he'll do the right thing
You'reasian Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Yeah, and, if I were a woman and a guy who I don't know real well had the pleasure of my body twice and then called me a nag, I'd be outta there so fast that wanna-be prima donna's head would spin. OP, there are a lot of great men out there who are doctors. This one isn't there yet.....I'd give him a silence sandwich and move on Agreed about calling someone a nag - that's not cool. Stickin' to my guns. Show interest. If he doesn't reciprocate, move on.
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