browneyedgurl Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I dated this guy who is the same age as me (22) and attends the same university as I do for 4 months. He is a secondary math education major and I am an elementary education major. We got a long great, we were able to talk about different things. But we also had our differences that we brought to the table, because I am the outgoing one as he is more introverted. I would go out with him to his friend's house parties. We attended sporting events together since we both enjoy sports. One time I held a rummage sale at my house and he even offered to help. We also went out to eat and went to movies. We both met each other's family. We didn't see each other everyday, because we are in school and plus it was still in the early days of the relationship, but we talked on the phone to each other. He was good about calling me at some point of the day. I went up to his home town of South Bend, Indiana twice to visit and meet his family (it's 2 1/2 hours from my town). They all liked me and when he went home for the holidays he told me that his family was bragging about how much they liked me. His friends from back home even liked me as well. However, I was my now ex's first girlfriend. He has not dated that much at all, because he has always been occupied with baseball, school, and hanging out with his buddies. The first week of December he asked me how I thought the relationship was going, I said, " I think it is going well, we get along great, we enjoy being with each other etc" Then he expressed to me that it was not easy for him adjusting to being in a relationship since I was his first girlfriend. He also mentioned the fact that he was not used to being with someone who wanted to be with with him while he went to his friends or having someone who wants to watch the game with him at his apartment. After that conversation we agreed to continue working on the relationship. Then a couple weeks ago I was at his apartment watching a movie and after the movie on Jan 3, I asked him what he thought about the L word and just left him to answer it. I didn't tell him I loved him right away, I just wanted to see what his thoughts were. Then he brought up the fact that it was not getting any easier for him because he doesn't share the same feelings for me as I do him and knew that it is unfair to me. He also said that he is ok with sitting at home and watching television alone and being with his friends. He didn't know what to do either to break up or take a break because he didn't want to hurt me. I asked him if his feelings would change if we took a 2 week break or so, and he also didn't know. So we broke up. I haven't contacted him, because i know if I contact him a bunch that will only irritate him and push him further away. He also hasn't bothered to contact me either. I know that sometimes you can't help if someone doesn't feel the way you want them too, but I would love to have a second chance with him, but not sure what to do with this guy may not be ready for a relationship? I want to contact him and ask if we could talk and try to work things out, but that may be a big mistake I don't know...
Geishawhelk Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Yup. It would be a mistake. He let you down easy. Move on, make a life for yourself, and enjoy your time. He might come back, and if he does, you can decide what to do then, depending on where you're at. But don't wait for him.......cos Honey, he ain't waiting for you.
Author browneyedgurl Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Yeah, it's hard but I agree that it is the healthiest thing to do for myself is to focus on my own life and keep myself busy. I will be starting a new job soon along with school as well. And the other factor that may have caused us to break up is the fact that his family really liked me and was bragging about me to him. And he may have gotten spooked after bringing a girl home for the first time to meet the family. I don't know.
neverlost Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 It seems to me you are saying this as a negative thing: "He also mentioned the fact that he was not used to being with someone who wanted to be with with him while he went to his friends or having someone who wants to watch the game with him at his apartment" Are you serious? That is a good thing, you are a good girlfriend. I think it is always difficult dating someone who hasn't really had a serious relationship before. I think if he goes on to date other women, he will actually realise how great you were. And he is also very caught up in his friends. He sounds a little immature :-\ I do think it would be a mistake, he doesn't seem to be in a point in his life when he is ready to deal with relationships. You are right, you need to focus on your own life and keep busy. And it is easy to say to people "yeah, try it, go for a second chance, i'm sure you'll get back together". But false hope only hurts more in the long run Please never be someones second chance. If they have done that to you once, they can do it again. Take care, -neverlost
carhill Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 OP, you're young. This guy did you a favor. He didn't play games. He didn't try FWB. He didn't lead you on. He spoke clear words. Accept his words and go enjoy all the other fine young men who surround you. You're only 22 once
Author browneyedgurl Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 Hey everyone, Sorry it took me a while to reply.. Neverlost; I think the reason why i thought of my ex telling me that it was not easy for him to be in a relationship negatively, is the way he told me. In most cases I think the guy would just say you're a good girlfriend, but...... to me when he told me it was not easy for him seemed like it was a lot of work for him and he didn't like having to work at it. Its hard for me to say this, but you are probably right about him not being in a point in his life to deal with relationships. He is really into his friends and very involved with the college baseball club. He is a late bloomer compared to his friends, majority of his friends are in relationships or are engaged. His older brothers aren't even in relationships and haven't dated much either. Good looking and nice guys, just haven't dated that much. Carhill: You are right he spoke clear words and was honest. He expressed his feelings and broke up with me in person. I just need to avoid thinking about other factors that may have influenced him to break up with me so I can move forward.
thegoodguy Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 browneyedgurl think of it this way... how do I put this. I know I'll share some personal wisdom. Here goes: I personally LOVE video games. My gf doesn't. Now I know that's not a bad thing, we all have differences, however I spend a lot of time with her and so that means I don't get to play as much as I used to. This is certainly NOT a reason to leave her, but it's something that I know bugged me. I had to cut back on what I loved to do. Now if you can see this from his side, he has never had a gf before. He's accustomed to hanging out with friends, sitting alone in his apartment watching the game or a movie or something. Basically he's not used to sharing his time with someone else. That's a common thing to see in someone who hasn't been in many relationships. What you CAN do however is thank him for his honesty. He did you a favor, he didn't lead you on or waste your time. Based on what you said about him, he isn't ready for a serious relationship. He MIGHT be ready sometime in the future, who knows, but right now he isn't. The best advice for you is to live your life without expecting him to make you a part of his. IF he choses to do so in the future, it'll be up to you to decide what to do with it, but as of right now you two don't have anything to work with, so save yourself the heartbreak and the pain and just move on.
Author browneyedgurl Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 Do you think since his family liked me real well that it may have scared him a little? Especially since I was the first girl who he took home to meet the family.
carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I can say that, without exception, every woman's family who liked me doomed my chances with that particular woman. My wife's family tolerates me Seriously, and speaking only for myself and the history with my very discerning mother, if/when she liked a lady, I had no fear. The hard part was finding someone she actually liked. It's called only-child-itis
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