lovelikeitneverhurt Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Hi Everyone, I just want to know if anyone is still feeling as blue as me after 4 months of breaking up with someone? To cut it short, yes every day has been improving, but i still find myself breaking down every now and then and missing him. We are still friends, well we see each other at mutual friends' events and we are fine, it isn't really awkward, in fact we still laugh and talk occaisonally when we are there. I wonder if he has forgotten about me already and whether he still has feelings for me. I tried very hard to get back together after we broke up, but he repeatedly rejected me and told me that he didn't love me anymore. This still hurts so much. Can someone please tell me that they are still feeling the same 4 months later ? Or am I just the only one? Lately, when we met at friends' events, he still pays attention to every little thing I say, he still hears what I have to say and answers to all my generic questions, even when I am just talking to myself quietly, he can hear me. If I need anything at friends' events, he will make sure he gets it for me, if I need someone to hold my bag, he will be the first to offer. Once we were ice skating and I was having trouble putting my skating boots on, and he bent down to help me put them on whilst our other friends were sitting down putting their own ones on. I know I'm probably thinking about everything too much and being too sensitive to every little thing he does when we are together in friends' parties, but I just can't help to wonder if he still cares for me and loves me, or if hes just being nice ? 4 months later, I still feel this hope even though we hardly talk anymore, we hardly see each other. I still feel that things haven't ended and that we will be back together, and that its just a matter of time. I don't think its solely about 'acceptance', because I have accepted in my heart that we are over, but its just that I still feel something. I just don't know. I wonder if he does miss me...Can someone please give me their thoughts on this ? Do exes treat their exes nicely like this, in such a caring way when they are out together with friends ? Would he be so concerned about me if he didn't love me anymore?
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 1 of 2 things are happening. 1). He is selfish, and stringing you along, full well knowing what he is doing. 2). He feels bad in some way or another, or just wants to really be friends, so he's doing all the little things he's doing. 1 way or the other, it's still over. If he had feelings, you'd be together.
durotto Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 My ex got engaged 3 months after we broke up . this month really and she is probably making wedding plans already .. .. But sometimes exes are really nice to their exes .. but in a friendly sort of way .. I know that you want to get back to him .. but from what you say it seems that you hope that you do get back . .but I am pretty much sure that he is not sure of coming back to you .. I think that you should take things easy .. don't really read too much into his actions .. .. it could be that he just wants to be friends with you .,. and if you rush into saying to him .. I love you ... then you could find yourself looking stupid.. NC seems to me to be not a option for you .. but I do advise that you take things easy and not expect too much (read anything) from him in any way .. Just take things easy and if he really really does love you then I am sure that he will come to you .. but then again he could meet someone else and start dating that person .. so that is why I say that you take things easy and not hurt yourself ..
Author lovelikeitneverhurt Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 My ex got engaged 3 months after we broke up . this month really and she is probably making wedding plans already .. .. But sometimes exes are really nice to their exes .. but in a friendly sort of way .. I know that you want to get back to him .. but from what you say it seems that you hope that you do get back . .but I am pretty much sure that he is not sure of coming back to you .. I think that you should take things easy .. don't really read too much into his actions .. .. it could be that he just wants to be friends with you .,. and if you rush into saying to him .. I love you ... then you could find yourself looking stupid.. NC seems to me to be not a option for you .. but I do advise that you take things easy and not expect too much (read anything) from him in any way .. Just take things easy and if he really really does love you then I am sure that he will come to you .. but then again he could meet someone else and start dating that person .. so that is why I say that you take things easy and not hurt yourself .. Thanks durotto*.. I agree I will try not to read into things too much as DSM- IV Tom said, if he still had feelings for me then perhaps we would still be together.. You are right, it seems slightly hard to have total NC between us, because we have quite a lot of mutual friends who are eager to organise parties/dinners, to catch up etc, and I would hate to not see my friends all in a big group just because I want to avoid my ex. Plus a part of me wants to see him too, even just a glimpse therefore I do attend most of the dinners we are invited to, and I guess these opportunities do give me a chance to see him. But its bad, because it makes it hard to maintain NC. Although on a one-to-one basis we don't talk anymore, i dont call/text him. but i wish i could just vanish from the social circle and his life totally, so that he would really feel what its like to not have me around at all. I think that as long as I keep turning up to the dinners where he is as well, he will not want me back or he will not miss me. I just dont know.. .
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 but i wish i could just vanish from the social circle and his life totally, so that he would really feel what its like to not have me around at all. I think that as long as I keep turning up to the dinners where he is as well, he will not want me back or he will not miss me. I just dont know.. . easy to say you'd like to vanish so he'd see what it's like to not have you around...............problem is you'd miss the mutual friends as well! cutting him out means cutting them out. and that's very hard on you too. it's hard i know, but it sounds like you're honestly doing the best you can with the situation you're in.
diskey23 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I think what DSM said is true but you could add a 3. - he knows how you feel, has no rush to get back together with you even if he does still have some feelings for you. you have to play it like its 1 or 2, you really do. i have a similar situation, i broke up with my gf 3 months ago but tried to smooth things over, no dice. but we have common friends & even though as we get older (im 26) we do fewer things in groups, ill still see her at atleast 2 weddings this summer, etc...
mm4184 Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 It's also been 4 months for me and I can look back and see that I am somewhat improved from the beginning, but also I know I was a mess because after a month, we started sleeping together again and that just messed a lot of things up. I can relate to the mutual friends thing. I actually got in a few arguments with 2 of my best friends that work with him and are now his friends but I've tried to accept that it's just something we can't control. And at first, I took it as a good thing because then I would still have some connection to him, but all it did was make me jealous that they can hang out with him and his friends like I used to and was constantly reminded of him. So, recently, I just haven't been talking to them as much and it really helps because I have my friends that understand I need to heal and they will accompany me to things that I know he won't be at, etc. It also helps because you're able to make new friends and develop a different circle the you're used to that reminds you of him and makes you run into him. Trust me, I know part of you likes seeing him of course, but it's just going to slow down and hurt your healing so I'd say try as best as you can to hang out with non-mutual friends and try new things, meet new people because how are you going to move on when you're always around him? I know exactly how you feel though because I know I will run into him, but I'm just trying really hard to just go to places I know he won't be at instead. I still think of him and of course it hurts knowing he's out having fun and everything with other people... but then that's what we should be doing as well. If they're trying to get over us or HAVE gotten over us and moved on, then we should try too! We were already hurt when they left us, so we can't continue to let them pour salt in the wound. I know it's so easy to say and hard to do... but really, there's no other choice if we want to get better and move past these difficult situations.
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