Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Thanks guys. I asked him specifically what made him "uncomfortable." He said that it would be because he was in an unfamiliar environment and he would be afraid of "walking in" on someone in the bathroom. That sounds like an excuse because there are locks on the bathroom, or you just knock! Duh. I think amaysngrace hit the nail on the head when she said he is probably scared of them seeing him "up close" like that. He always asks me if I talk to my mom about a fight I have. I think he's scared that I will tell them how he acts sometimes and they won't like him anymore. I'm very close to my mom so I have told her some things that he has said. She said she still likes him, but she feels he has some odd ways of acting as well. I'm not going to worry about it to much now, I just thought that the comment struck me as a little odd.
carhill Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Well, it is Monday morning....ah, the MLK holiday and a perfect thread to go along with it My very brief advice on this holiday morning would be to wait a few years until you visit mom and dad at their new house and see how it goes
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Well, it is Monday morning....ah, the MLK holiday and a perfect thread to go along with it My very brief advice on this holiday morning would be to wait a few years until you visit mom and dad at their new house and see how it goes HAHA, yeah, I'm excited I have the day off from work. So where do you think I go? This will be a while down the road so it's not anything worth agonizing over right now. Guys are confusing..or maybe it's just him...
carhill Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 No, guys are confusing. See, once you accept this, everything will be better Just imagine his brain processing that you tell your mom all your and his personal stuff and everyone knows you want him to propose to you and every detail of your relationship is being scrutinized by strangers like myself on LS. If I were him, my head would explode
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 No, guys are confusing. See, once you accept this, everything will be better Just imagine his brain processing that you tell your mom all your and his personal stuff and everyone knows you want him to propose to you and every detail of your relationship is being scrutinized by strangers like myself on LS. If I were him, my head would explode Well that's what he gets for being in love with a girl with a Bachelor's in Psychology and a Masters in Counseling. That's a dangerous combo.
Geishawhelk Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 You have a Batchelor's in Psychology, and a Master's in Counselling? And you still haven't figured him out?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 You have a Batchelor's in Psychology, and a Master's in Counselling? And you still haven't figured him out? I have some theories, but he does some pretty puzzling stuff. Even I'm stumped half the time.
Adamagnet Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 You have a Batchelor's in Psychology, and a Master's in Counselling? And you still haven't figured him out? Do you not believe that objectivity is a necessity to understand a relationship dynamic?
carhill Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 I think Geisha was being a bit facetious (not hurtfully) since she's in the same biz (psychology). I've been recommending PMC to this OP for some time now. She'll get around to it I know our psych deduced the gist of our marital issues nearly immediately and he was spot-on. Clearly, objectivity, along with education and experience, is paramount. Doctor, heal thyself
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 I think Geisha was being a bit facetious (not hurtfully) since she's in the same biz (psychology). I've been recommending PMC to this OP for some time now. She'll get around to it I know our psych deduced the gist of our marital issues nearly immediately and he was spot-on. Clearly, objectivity, along with education and experience, is paramount. Doctor, heal thyself Yeah, he thinks that is for married couples though. It's kind of ironic that he doesn't want to go to PMC because it's too much like marriage counseling and he isn't ready for it. However, most of our issues stem from the fact that he isn't ready for marriage and I am. Ironic.
Star Gazer Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 LB, in several threads you've mentioned that your BF is a bit uptight -- washing off after sex, refusing to perform oral sex, set ideas about how to keep the house, etc. These would all be red flags for me. Now he says he wouldn't be comfortable in your parents' house. It could be just an extension of the uptighness noted above or it could be that he is having doubts about marrying you and this is being reflected in his response. Either way, it doesn't sound good to me. I forgot about the oral sex thing. I couldn't live without it, don't know how LB is going to go the rest of her life without it either! But I agree... I think his doubts are being reflected in his response. Truthfully, I think his response was a clear sign that's emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. Checking out, so to speak. Or it could be that he's afraid of being thought of as part of the family. It's definitely not normal. I also agree with this. It's not normal. I think he's afraid of being thought of as part of your family, LB. Why? Because he doesn't want to be.
Star Gazer Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Yeah, he thinks that is for married couples though. It's kind of ironic that he doesn't want to go to PMC because it's too much like marriage counseling and he isn't ready for it. However, most of our issues stem from the fact that he isn't ready for marriage and I am. Ironic. Call it COUPLES counseling then. Many therapists call it that, and you are, afterall, a "couple."
Star Gazer Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Yeah, he is getting odder and odder. Or maybe I'm just starting to pick up on more odd things he says... I commend you for being more observant, LB. I think you were wilfully blind to a lot of things before...
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 I commend you for being more observant, LB. I think you were wilfully blind to a lot of things before... Yeah, or it was just denial. I picked up the book "Why Men Marry Bitches."(recommendation from a coworker) VERY AWESOME BOOK! I'm realizing that my "availability" is just making it easier for him to control me (and a proposal). A new situation has presented itself that I can practice my newfound "Bitchiness." We went to one of his friend's house to watch the Steelers win last night. The place was horrible. It was a "bachelor pad" and it was like 3 guys and one of the guy's wife and they were all completely trashed. They were swearing and telling the refs that they were going to go murder them. The one dude just started swearing and screaming. My ears hurt by the end of the night. We are in the car and we are talking about it. My BF agrees that they are a little too "wild for us." They invited us to come over for the superbowl but I don't want to. I felt uncomfortable and don't want to watch it there. So I told him I would rather go to my parents, but he said that we should go becuase "we don't want to be rude and make them think we don't like them." I said that I didn't think it was a big deal. It was late so we agreed we would talk about it later. So new plan: Tell him I am going to go watch the game at my parents house and he is welcome to come if he would like. And if he wants to go to his friend's house then that is cool too. No more bending over backwards. I'm going to be a bitch.
Geishawhelk Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Do you not believe that objectivity is a necessity to understand a relationship dynamic? Carhill was right. I was being tongue-in-cheek. I have had the luck to see Lauriebell post a great deal about many things to do with her R., but it's almost always the case that being in the thick of something makes you blind to the picture...... Whenever I have an 'animated discussion' () with my partner, he always brings up the fact that he thinks I'm trying to analyse him..... ! I'm not, but the fact that I do what I do, means that I have certain "skills" with regard to discussion and dialogue..... and it's hard to not implement them, if they are successful with couples..... I would venture to suggest that occasionally it is both a help and a hindrance to Lauriebell too.....
Geishawhelk Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Yeah,A new situation has presented itself that I can practice my newfound "Bitchiness." .............I'm going to be a bitch. No, being a bitch would be to tell him that if he's going to go over to his pals' house he can do that, but don't expect to be able to come home that night. Oh and by the way, your breath stinks. What you're doing is what would in masculine parlance, be called "growing some balls"...... and being assertive about what you'd like to do, and sticking with it. Politely, courteously, firmly and definitively That's not being a bitch. That's standing up and being tall.... What IS the feminine equivalent of "Growing some balls".....?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 No, being a bitch would be to tell him that if he's going to go over to his pals' house he can do that, but don't expect to be able to come home that night. Oh and by the way, your breath stinks. What you're doing is what would in masculine parlance, be called "growing some balls"...... and being assertive about what you'd like to do, and sticking with it. Politely, courteously, firmly and definitively That's not being a bitch. That's standing up and being tall.... What IS the feminine equivalent of "Growing some balls".....? Well in the book she describes "bitch" as being an assertive, independent woman who doesn't have to take crap from men. The "are you even worthy of marrying me" instead of "why won't you marry me." Very, very good book!
Citizen Erased Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 What IS the feminine equivalent of "Growing some balls".....? Robbing him of his.
Star Gazer Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Yeah, or it was just denial. Same thing as wilfull blindness in my law-thinkin' mind. So I told him I would rather go to my parents, but he said that we should go becuase "we don't want to be rude and make them think we don't like them." But is it accurate to say that... um... you don't like them? Why is he trying to appease them? Seems like he cares way too much about what other people think. So new plan: Tell him I am going to go watch the game at my parents house and he is welcome to come if he would like. And if he wants to go to his friend's house then that is cool too. No more bending over backwards. I'm going to be a bitch. GOOD FOR YOU, LB!!! :bunny: Just stick to your guns. Otherwise you'll lose all credibility.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 But is it accurate to say that... um... you don't like them? Why is he trying to appease them? Seems like he cares way too much about what other people think. Yeah, he does. If we are in a restaurant and if I am talking loud or something he'll say "shhh." I asked him why he does that and he said that he people in the restaurant will think we are being loud and obnoxious.
Geishawhelk Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Robbing him of his. (You go gurl....... )
steveraves Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 NO! It's not a guy thing, most guys could care less I think. It sounds like it's his thing.
Adamagnet Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Carhill was right. I was being tongue-in-cheek. What was I thinking? Your intent seems amicable, but the confused emoticon threw me off track. it's almost always the case that being in the thick of something makes you blind to the picture...... When it comes to matters of emotion, most assuredly. I would venture to suggest that occasionally it is both a help and a hindrance to Lauriebell too..... Have you ever seen any resentment in your partner when you claim to know the answer to or reason behind a relationship conflict? In other words, do you think standard counseling methodology might be more effective when implemented covertly, if the therapy is coming from an individual in the relationship under scrutiny?
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