Lauriebell82 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 This is probably a dating question I suppose. I'm wondering if this is a guy thing or what. My parents are going to retire in a few years and will be moving down to South Carolina. Now if we go visit them it would stand to reason that we would stay there instead of spending money on hotel. He says this makes him feel uncomfortable and he would not go unless they weren't in the house. Does that sound odd? He doesn't seem to care about spending the night at his parent's house (we sleep together, have even had sex!). So what is different about mine?
Geishawhelk Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 And........... I have nooooo idea! What a truly weird thing to say! Have you mentioned your feelings about staying at his P's house? And how it compares to his? And why? I'm sorry, LB.... he just gets odder and odder......
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 And........... I have nooooo idea! What a truly weird thing to say! Have you mentioned your feelings about staying at his P's house? And how it compares to his? And why? I'm sorry, LB.... he just gets odder and odder...... Well, I told him that I didn't mind at all staying at his parents. It was a little weird the first time because I was just meeting them, but I love visiting them. His family loves me too, we have a great time. They are realists also, they know we live together and sleep together and don't care. Same with my parents, they would not care in the least if he slept over there with me. MAYBE I could see if we are dating, but if we were married? I'm not sure how it is weird to be married and stay with your in-laws..if anything that's a normal thing to do! Yeah, he is getting odder and odder. Or maybe I'm just starting to pick up on more odd things he says...
movingonandon Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 This is probably a dating question I suppose. I'm wondering if this is a guy thing or what. My parents are going to retire in a few years and will be moving down to South Carolina. Now if we go visit them it would stand to reason that we would stay there instead of spending money on hotel. He says this makes him feel uncomfortable and he would not go unless they weren't in the house. Does that sound odd? He doesn't seem to care about spending the night at his parent's house (we sleep together, have even had sex!). So what is different about mine? It's understandable, if perhaps a little farfetched - guy's parents usually don't care that much if the guy in question gets married and usually have the "Oh, just one of his girlfriends... Is this one good enough?" attitude. Women't parents are much more likely to think along the lines "Boo, does he have serious intentions about our baby? When is he going to marry her?" etc. So that's the difference. This is not always true, but you see where I'm going with this. And nobody likes that.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 It's understandable, if perhaps a little farfetched - guy's parents usually don't care that much if the guy in question gets married and usually have the "Oh, just one of his girlfriends... Is this one good enough?" attitude. Women't parents are much more likely to think along the lines "Boo, does he have serious intentions about our baby? When is he going to marry her?" etc. So that's the difference. This is not always true, but you see where I'm going with this. And nobody likes that. Yeah, I see what you mean. But honestly I think both our sets of parents are wondering what the heck he is waiting for. This scenerio is more along the lines of when we will be married however, due to my parents not retiring for another 4 years or so. (that's when he said he wants to have kids) What's weird about sleeping over at your in-laws?
Geishawhelk Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 When I went to meet my prospective parents-in-Law for the very first time (we'd been dating for around 3 weeks) he rang to tell them we were on the way down to see them. His dad asked him - I know it's a silly question, but one bedroom or two?" "One" went back the reply. neither they nor I batted an eyelid.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 When I went to meet my prospective parents-in-Law for the very first time (we'd been dating for around 3 weeks) he rang to tell them we were on the way down to see them. His dad asked him - I know it's a silly question, but one bedroom or two?" "One" went back the reply. neither they nor I batted an eyelid. HAHA, omg his mom asked us the same thing!!! She was not shocked or appaled at all. She was like "okay you can sleep in his bed in his old room!" We have never had a reason to sleep at my parents, as they live 20 minutes away from us. We always have to sleep at his parents because they live 5 hours away. He said he would want to get a hotel if the situation was revearsed! You'd think after 2.5 years he'd get over that.
vanilla87 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 This is probably a dating question I suppose. I'm wondering if this is a guy thing or what. My parents are going to retire in a few years and will be moving down to South Carolina. Now if we go visit them it would stand to reason that we would stay there instead of spending money on hotel. He says this makes him feel uncomfortable and he would not go unless they weren't in the house. Does that sound odd? He doesn't seem to care about spending the night at his parent's house (we sleep together, have even had sex!). So what is different about mine? The difference is that he doesn't want your parents hearing you guys having sex and probably doesn't wants them to think he is doing their daughter in the same house hold. He is probably old fashion when it comes to dating. Some guys just don't care about where they do it, but maybe he is afraid of you two getting caught and doesn't want your parents to view you two differently after that. Just ask him, maybe he'll tell you why...
Geishawhelk Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I think thst her parents know what goes on, as Lauriebell and he have been together a little while now.... So I think if he puts this one up as a defence, it's a hooter right from the start!
rod_in_gtown Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I'm assuming he doesn't know your parents as well as you know his? It's the whole morning thing when everyone sits down at the table and there's that lingering thought in the air "Your dad knows that I have bedded his daughter under his own roof". When I used to go visit my ex's parents in Philly, we would always sleep in separate rooms, even though we practically lived together here.
vanilla87 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I'm assuming he doesn't know your parents as well as you know his? It's the whole morning thing when everyone sits down at the table and there's that lingering thought in the air "Your dad knows that I have bedded his daughter under his own roof". When I used to go visit my ex's parents in Philly, we would always sleep in separate rooms, even though we practically lived together here. See thats what I think about 70-80% of guys think the next morning. I had one ex that didn't care, but thats cause he was so liberated when it came to sex, that he was use to that from previous ex gf's of his over the years. Also his mother didn't care if we we're having sex under her roof, I was a little unsure and felt it was weird. Cause the idea was not comfy for me unless no one was home, then again I was only 18, so my views then are different then they are now, lol.
norajane Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 This is probably a dating question I suppose. I'm wondering if this is a guy thing or what. My parents are going to retire in a few years and will be moving down to South Carolina. Now if we go visit them it would stand to reason that we would stay there instead of spending money on hotel. He says this makes him feel uncomfortable and he would not go unless they weren't in the house. Does that sound odd? He doesn't seem to care about spending the night at his parent's house (we sleep together, have even had sex!). So what is different about mine? LB, he's the only one who can tell you why he would feel uncomfortable. My guess is it has something to do with his being anal and controlling, and he'd feel like he couldn't control his environment in your parents' house with your parents there. He'd feel restricted from catering to his own needs and wants, and his own way of doing things.
StartingOver07 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 LB, in several threads you've mentioned that your BF is a bit uptight -- washing off after sex, refusing to perform oral sex, set ideas about how to keep the house, etc. These would all be red flags for me. Now he says he wouldn't be comfortable in your parents' house. It could be just an extension of the uptighness noted above or it could be that he is having doubts about marrying you and this is being reflected in his response. Either way, it doesn't sound good to me.
vanilla87 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 LB, in several threads you've mentioned that your BF is a bit uptight -- washing off after sex, refusing to perform oral sex, set ideas about how to keep the house, etc. These would all be red flags for me. Now he says he wouldn't be comfortable in your parents' house. It could be just an extension of the uptighness noted above or it could be that he is having doubts about marrying you and this is being reflected in his response. Either way, it doesn't sound good to me. Sounds like to me he is very uptight and has issues with certain sexual things. The fact that you forgot to mention this, makes it all clear now. You might want to be careful and it is a red flag if he does that after sex, like shower, its should like it has to do with either a)germs or b)sinful behavior he is afraid of, like with the catholic religion.
amaysngrace Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Maybe he's afraid of spending too much time with your parents. Maybe he's afraid of them really seeing the two of you interact. Maybe he's afraid your parents would disapprove of him and your relationship if they know too much. With you guys both around they'd get a firsthand observation of how it is. Or it could be that he's afraid of being thought of as part of the family. It could also be that he'll feel trapped there so he'd like the opportunity to leave if it gets too claustrophobic. You should ask him why. It's definitely not normal.
movingonandon Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Yeah, I see what you mean. But honestly I think both our sets of parents are wondering what the heck he is waiting for. This scenerio is more along the lines of when we will be married however, due to my parents not retiring for another 4 years or so. (that's when he said he wants to have kids) What's weird about sleeping over at your in-laws? Well, if you've been dating forever and it's obviously at least implied you're getting hitched, and the retirement 'n stuff is even further away in the future, then yes, I don't see what the big deal is about staying with them...
melodymatters Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Well, this sounds ridiculous to me in that, if married it will be both your money being squandered on a hotel, AND, if this is when he plans on having kids, wouldn't staying with the grandparents mostly be ABOUT them spending time with the grandkids, with the added bonus of you two being able to go out and have fun ?!? I'm doubting there is going to a huge amount of loud sex in this case ! Seeing as this is 4 yrs in the future, I would let it rest for now, BUT I would still keep on " noticing" his double standards, controlling behaviour and all around douchiness. ( sorry) AGAIN, he sounds like the guy I had my most miserable R with : HE wouldn't stay at my folks for visits or vacations either because he felt " uncomfortable". I ended up missing out on a lot of happy times because of his controllingness. I wish you luck LB ! AND I think you need to stand up for yourself more !
melodymatters Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 ".....Controllingness.....?" Ok...... Ahem, sorry doll : " Controlling behaviour" Better ?
vanilla87 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Ahem, sorry doll : " Controlling behaviour" Better ? lol, thats like "and kids today's secret word is 'Controling', can you remember that?"
Geishawhelk Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I know, I'm just kidding ya.... I was thinking of putting it into this "Hall of fame"....!
Ariadne Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 So what is different about mine? He would feel like he is disrespecting you in your parents house since you are not married.
Trialbyfire Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 This is neither a guy or girl thing. Whether it's sex related or just a need for personal space when in an unfamiliar environment, I don't think matters. If anything, this is something that I don't honestly feel is worth analyzing, because it's not even close to a reality yet. Lb, stop overthinking this and I do mean this kindly.
alphamale Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Does that sound odd? depends on his relationship with you and your parental units...
allina Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 It does sound odd, if my bf made that comment to me I'd be very uncomfortable. If he's weird about sex in your parents house just sleep, don't have sex. I think he's being unreasonable. Ask him why he's uncomfortable with it and tell him he's going to have to get comfortable with it. Even if staying at your parents isn't his first choice he should be adult enough to deal with it once in a while, that's what family and love are about. Staying at my bf's parent's for 5 nights over Thanksgiving wasn't 100% thrilling but they're family, and that's what Thanksgiving is about. I just made the best out of it and had a great time.
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