JooLee Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 i was reading through the post of loveshack and i have seen many statements about "love of my life". it makes me wonder how easily we throw this word around about someone who was once in our life. what strikes me more is that how we used that same line about every partner that we have lost and then when we move on and find someone new, we glue that line to the current beau's forehead. i dont think there's such thing as "love of my life" or "true love". we fall in love, get our heart broken and then move on, find someone new and feel like you have never felt or love someone that way before. its like a cycle. a ridiculous cycle. you should be the love of your life. your kids should be the love of your life. your cat should be the love of your life. just my two cents. what do you guys think? how many times have u thought you found "the love of your life" and then it all goes back to nothing?
carhill Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 IMO, it's only upon reflection after a long life that one can truly recognize those loves. It gives one comfort upon departure from the mortal coil. I wonder if Kate Hepburn thought Spencer Tracy was the "love of her life".....
Surfer Dude Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 That term is completely ridiculous, just like the word "soulmate". This kind of sentiment strikes me as backward; that there is only one right person for you on this planet, considering there are around 3 billion people in the world you could potentially choose from. They weren't the loves of our lives, they were the loves of last year. Now it's time to get out there and make many more memories and experiences with other people.
Author JooLee Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 They weren't the loves of our lives, they were the loves of last year. I LOVE THIS! i automatically cheered up just reading that. thx surfer dude! however, sometimes i feel that "love" loses its meaning and purity when one felt it towards many people. there's a loss of innocence and feeling the purity of it. its like, what i said before, a ridiculous cycle. whats the point then? im starting to think that arranged marriage in the olden days was a really good idea. the get married as strangers and they learn to love each other n stick with each through good and bad. what happened to us now? why cant we hold out for long?
carhill Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 OP, think of your time here. Your existence. If you can discern the volume of your existence, you can discern the volume of your loves. Each is unique. Each is different. Upon reflection, you may see many "loves of your life" or you may see none. Have you ever felt a "connection" with someone? I don't mean an attraction, like the person is gorgeous and you can't take your eyes off of them; I mean like you don't have to see them at all; they're always there. They're always with you, in your thoughts and in your soul. Now, maybe you have. Maybe for a year, as surferdude alludes to. Now imagine that reality transcending time and always being there. Always. Even when you're both old and objectively unattractive, you can't take your eyes off each other. Think about that. It's what I meant about Tracy and Hepburn. There was a bond which kept them together, even though, publicly, they were apart for their entire lives. Now, if you're lamenting a lost love and want to get over it and move on, OK, I could tell you that there is no such thing as a love of your life and you'll meet a really cool guy/gal tomorrow. Elizabeth Taylor seemed to believe in this reality and married eight times as a result. So, you decide what's best for you. I can tell you, having experienced what I write about above, and also loving others differently, like my wife, that there are many times I wish, upon reflection in this year of my half century here, I had never felt that bond that continues to transcend time. It's very possible I might have been happier in my marriage as a result. Like you say, sticking with each other through good and bad.
Joyvke Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 That term is completely ridiculous, just like the word "soulmate". This kind of sentiment strikes me as backward; that there is only one right person for you on this planet, considering there are around 3 billion people in the world you could potentially choose from. They weren't the loves of our lives, they were the loves of last year. Now it's time to get out there and make many more memories and experiences with other people. For some reason this pops up in my head "Love of my life? That's sooooo 2008" . I don't know, it really depends, there's only one so far I really thought he was the love of my life, and that's my last ex boyfriend. The things we went through and all, I really thought we would grow old and stuff. Still trying to be friends, but with his social anxiety and depression it's hard to talk.
Butterfly01 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Even after all I've been through I still believe that there is a true "love of my life" out there somewhere. I look at my grandparents, married for 52 years and still deeply in love with one another and know its possible. I think we use the term too loosely today -- like everything else in this world we try and fast track everything. We meet someone and immediately "they are the one!" -- we jump from dating to talking about spending the rest of our lives together -- I actually gagged when I heard my 14 year old niece use the term "soulmate" for her bf of 2 weeks. Yes, we will love many times on our lives -- but I think that is making us the person we are destined to become. Meh, I've always been a romatic at heart
Geishawhelk Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 My partner and I call each other "The Love of my Mating season".....
sedgwick Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I can tell you, having experienced what I write about above, and also loving others differently, like my wife, that there are many times I wish, upon reflection in this year of my half century here, I had never felt that bond that continues to transcend time. It's very possible I might have been happier in my marriage as a result. Do you mean you wish you had married someone else? Has there been another you've thought of the whole time?
Surfer Dude Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 For some reason this pops up in my head "Love of my life? That's sooooo 2008" . I don't know, it really depends, there's only one so far I really thought he was the love of my life, and that's my last ex boyfriend. The things we went through and all, I really thought we would grow old and stuff. Still trying to be friends, but with his social anxiety and depression it's hard to talk. He should try to sort himself out before he asks anyone to be with him or befriend him.
sedgwick Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 He should try to sort himself out before he asks anyone to be with him or befriend him. 100% agreed.
Joyvke Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 He should try to sort himself out before he asks anyone to be with him or befriend him. He is with a psychiatrist, and she gave him the assignment to meet new people. I'm not really new for him, but yea. So he is working on that .
carhill Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Do you mean you wish you had married someone else? Has there been another you've thought of the whole time? Not the "whole time", and definitely not during the time I was emotionally attached to my wife. MC helped differentiate the healthiness of those feelings and LS helped describe them specifically. Now I can have the appropriate friendship and feel good about it. I'm confident that she will appear on the list of "loves" as I look back upon life. A non-romantic soulmate qualifies, IMO If you want to read some of the specifics, read my "Evolution" series of journals and also read LakesideDream's postings about his long "connection". His turned out differently in the romance department but there are a lot of parallels. FWIW, I've never thrown the term "love of my life" around, mainly because I thought the experience much too complex and valuable to be described by such a simple phrase. I felt that way a half a life ago and still do
Storyrider Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I don't agree that "soulmate" and "love of my life" connote the same thing. Soulmate implies that there is only one person out there who could be a true match. Love of my life refers more to the experience of that love and how it impacts you, compared to all the other experiences and relationships so far.
carhill Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I would agree, generally. A soulmate can be one of the loves of one's life but doesn't have to be. Conversely, it is possible for the love of one's life to be someone other than their soulmate. The human psyche is exceedingly complex and assigning labels to it merely exacerbates that complexity, IMO, given that we each tend to assign meanings to the labels based on our own unique experiences. I'll use an example of the former...... take the Hager brothers (and identical twins) Jon and Jim, of 'Hee Haw' fame. Jon died a week ago, only eight months after Jim died. They lived together nearly their entire lives. It's well documented that identical twins 'feel' each other's lives and are bonded in ways we really don't yet understand. Did they love each other? I'll bet they did. Were they the 'love of each other's lives' in the way we denote romantic love? I doubt it. They were soulmates in the realm of the connection they shared. Perhaps (I don't know them) it overrode every potential connection with other people. Like I said, exceedingly complex
LostLamb Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 It is different for everyone but I think my last ex was the love of my life but i'm not dead yet. He changed the way I feel about myself and made me feel alive. I don't fall in love easily and have forgotten other people from my past , but i'll never forget him. I don't understand people who fall in love quickly , its like they are constantly seraching for something they will never truly find.
EmperorR Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I think you should only use that term on your death bed reflecting back on your life.
sedgwick Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 My ex was, without question, the love of my life. I had no idea what it meant to love someone unconditionally until I found him. I promised him I would love him and only him forever, and that hasn't changed even though he's been gone for a year and a half. I'm trying to accept that the love of my life is someone I will never see again, and that I'll have to be okay alone, because I will always love him whether he ever speaks to me again or not. It's lonely, but trying to be with anyone else would just be a lie, and I can't do that to them. I found the love of my life. He left me. Now I am alone, and I always will be, because I cannot imagine ever loving another. I am very sad and lonely and have been for 18 months. I don't foresee that ever changing. When I told him I loved him and only him, unconditionally, forever, I meant that. Whether he feels it back is irrelevant.
JamesM Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 I don't agree that "soulmate" and "love of my life" connote the same thing. Soulmate implies that there is only one person out there who could be a true match. Love of my life refers more to the experience of that love and how it impacts you, compared to all the other experiences and relationships so far. I agree. While I believe I have found the love of my life, I do not believe if my life had gone a different path that I would not have found a different person. Thankfully, I have my wife. But as we all look back on life, we can see how just one different decision could have caused the "love of my life" to have never been a part of our lives. If my wife had taken a job in a different city, then we may have never met. What I wonder then is...what other "love of my lives" have I missed out on? What other families could I have had if I had made different choices? It is easy to look at ex GFs and say that they would not have been the one, but what about the ones we never meet? Hmmm..
pandagirl Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 The love of your life is who you choose that person to be, which in a sense, makes that statement more powerful -- you are willingly choosing one person over all others in the world. However, soulmates? While there should only be one "love of your life," I think there are many soulmates out there. It's not necessarily contingent on being romantically involved, but based on having an unspoken, undying connection with someone that transcends time and distance.
flosslight Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I laughed when I called my ex fiance that. I said, "It does not necessarily have to mean your whole life. It is implied, but life is so fluid. You are the love of my life during my mid twenties." Not as elegant, but he was the love of my life in that moment. I loved none other like I did him. I'm okay with having many loves of your life and even many soulmates. Since the ex-fiance, I had a short relationship that ended mutually and nicely. I loved that last man but it was a small love. Not a sweeping life changing love.
Author JooLee Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 It is easy to look at ex GFs and say that they would not have been the one, but what about the ones we never meet? Well, here comes the term "fate". people that we meet, we are meant to meet them and people that we dont meet, we werent meant to cross paths. my thinking is, love and relationships are supposed to be something sacred, like a marriage. if we go around feeling like every old flame was the "love of my life".. then how do you know which is the real one, what makes the love different and more special? one moment we can be in love with someone so much and the next feel the exact same thing, probably more for someone else. it makes the whole relationship and feelings you get a charade. and i cant help but saying it again, a ridiculous cycle. it makes relationships and emotions tainted.
Surfer Dude Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Well, here comes the term "fate". people that we meet, we are meant to meet them and people that we dont meet, we werent meant to cross paths. my thinking is, love and relationships are supposed to be something sacred, like a marriage. if we go around feeling like every old flame was the "love of my life".. then how do you know which is the real one, what makes the love different and more special? one moment we can be in love with someone so much and the next feel the exact same thing, probably more for someone else. it makes the whole relationship and feelings you get a charade. and i cant help but saying it again, a ridiculous cycle. it makes relationships and emotions tainted. Why can't there be multiple real ones? Love is love regardless, and it is very special. I've no idea what you mean by tainted. I don't see how sharing something beautiful like love could ever be ridiculous and tainted. The more you're able to feel it during your lifetime, the more fulfilled your life is!
NoIDidn't Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I don't use terms like "soulmate" or "love of my life". Sounds too fluffy and lofty. My husband calls me this, though. The love of his life. Just not my cup of tea.
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