not_a_happy_camper Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 i'm fed up of being misery guts. i'm fed up of all this fluctuating between highs and lows. i know i'll be fine. i'm over 2 months out of my first and only relationship. am i putting too much pressure on myself? i want to be back to normal. i want to be back to how i felt when i was with my ex. or before i met him. it all just seems so far away. i was out tonight, and this guy i know came up and started talking. i've had a rough few days and unfortunately wasn't my usual friendly self. coupled with the fact that the same guy asked me out about 4 months ago when i was in a relationship. i only know him from dance class. he's always weirded me out. i am plain just not interested in him, never have been, never will be. i've only spoken to him properly twice, including tonight. he kept telling me how much he liked me, how awkward he felt around me, but now we're "friends" he'll never feel awkward around me, and he can tell me he likes me. i got so upset. i just got up and walked away. i know that's rotten. but he was really freaking me out, WAAAAY too much. Bare in mind this all came about within ten minutes of conversation. he then kept bugging my friends asking for my number, and they wouldn't give it to him. he insisted on giving them his number to give to me. like get the message?! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! i'm just so fed up of having to go back to this. i was so happy with my ex for so long. the last few months were dodgy, but we could have fixed things. instead i'm back to attracting the same weirdos i always did. i'm so miserable. even if someone i was attracted to came up to me now, i just couldn't look at them. i hate this.
saturnsfall Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I'm exactly where you are right now. I also feel as though I'm back to square one, and like you, when I think about meeting someone else, I can't even imagine and I'm not interested. Sure, I can hangout with friends, but the thought of someone approaching me, I'm sure I'd act just as you did. I would probably walk away. I feel stuck. The highs and lows are normal. I'm going through them myself. I get very discouraged at times and wonder why this is happening, but I have made it through thus far. There will be a point when we're better. Don't pressure yourself, don't think you need to be "fixed" tomorrow because you don't. It's not about anyone else right now, it's about you. So what if you may have been a bit rude to someone who was aggravating you. You don't need to have the patience for that right now. If he wanted to give your friends his number, ok, but he should not expect you to call. Don't feel bad about this. You don't need to worry about anyone else's feelings right now.
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 thanks saturn, been reading your posts as well. hope you are ok. this sucks big time! that guy was really persistent. i gave him every reason not to persist! he was telling me his life story, how unhappy he is now, and i know he was engaged to a girl around the time i met him first, and that all fell through. i get the feeling he's trying to get back out there rather unsuccessfully, and i feel bad for him, but i just had no energy or will to listen. i went off to the bathroom to get away. talked myself out of feeling bad for walking away................like you said though..............time to focus on me!
sinkerswim Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Camper... I know how you feel about hating the thoughts of starting all over again..and going through the crap of someone trying to pursue you.... Because when you are in a loving relationship like we were...it is easier to handle and accept when guys hit on ya..or they dont even hit on ya..because you are always with the boyfriend...and that was a wonderful feeling. Now all we do..is think of these guys who come onto us as creeps. Its true..you want NO part of it...and the good thing is... you dont have to have any part of it. It made you feel better to walk away. Its what I would have done. I DREAD every second of being alone again. Why does this journey have to go on without my love?? We had the most special times together.
saturnsfall Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Camper: Sinkerswim: This messsage is for both of you: I miss my ex more than words can convey, please don't get me wrong. And I can't believe what I'm about to write, but here it is. We loved, we became so emotionally attached to someone. Sinkerswim, as you said they would be there for us when those sleezy guys would try and talk to us. Well, we don't have them anymore. They can't save us, and the sad reality is, they didn't want to be there for us anymore. I'm not going to make comparisons to "us" and them", so don't worry, I will do my best to not trigger memories. We will meet new people one day. Someone who take us out, open the car door for us, go to dinner with for the first time, learn about someone new and hopefully, hopefully, this new person will love us so much that in that instance, we will understand just why we went through all of this sadness and loneliness. When we least expect it, we will stumble upon someone so amazing, so loving that, yes we'll tread with extreme caution because of what we've been through, and we'll probably make some guys life terrible for awhile trying to get through, but it would be so nice, SO NICE, for SOMEONE to actually care enough to let us in, and care for us enough to not hurt us. Someone who if they knew we felt as we do today, would come to us and make it better. I know it's difficult to even think about because of how much we care for our ex's, but we deserve to be treated well. Right now, our ex's are not treating us well. My ex is allowing me to just cry at random, and your ex's are probably doing about the same. They don't deserve such wonderful people.
sjguy34 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 can totaly relate saturn, very good post, but guys go through this as well, maybe we will all meet somone that has been through what we have and learned from it ,not carried their baggage, so they can take care of us... and we can take care of them, love is a shared thing.
LostLamb Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I know a lot of posters on LS think we should pull ourselves tpgether and hurry up and move on but I feel the same as everyone on this thread. I am concentrating on my health , hobbies etc but not having my ex in my life still hurts. I spent everynight with him and now I know I will never see him again. It is pathetic but I wish I had a time machins so I could go back and make it right. He was right , I had stopped trying in life and treated him as my carer. Now he belongs to someone new
sedgwick Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I had stopped trying in life and treated him as my carer. Does that mean "caretaker" or "career?"
LostLamb Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Does that mean "caretaker" or "career?" Neither. My ex said he felt like he had to take care of me all the time. I guess I should have tackled my depression and other problems instead of ignoring them
sedgwick Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Neither. My ex said he felt like he had to take care of me all the time. I guess I should have tackled my depression and other problems instead of ignoring them Ah, so caretaker, then. Yes indeed, it does suck to be the caretaker. I hope you're seeing a shrink now...yes?
LostLamb Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 I didn't know he felt like that at all,I kept delaying my future which drove him away. I am waiting for my first session. I hope it helps because I am a mix of obsession , depression and guilt at the moment and I am only 2 months in. I need to talk to someone who will listen and not judge as I have the capacity to still miss him a decade from now if I am not careful. I would have done anything to make him happy. Now I have lost him due to my inactivity
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 ok, referring to my first post here. feeling way better today! but on the other hand...............that guy was weird!!! he kept asking my friends for my number.............they luckily didn't give it to him, i found out today he kept telling them what a special person i am, and i really put people at ease, and that they should take care of me...............before begging one of them to take his number and text me with it during the week......................she thought from the way he was talking, he knew me well! i told her this was the second time i'd ever spoken to him properly. INSANE!!!! freaked out, because i always see him out, going to have to be blunt blunt blunt next time i see him! as if walking away was not clue enough!
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