The tides have changed...

[amaysngrace]

My BF is a recovering alcoholic. Two weeks tomorrow.

 

He thinks he's boring now. I don't think he's boring at all. He still amazes me. Now more than ever. He seems more mature though. And that scares me a little because I have some catching up to do.

 

I love him. I love that he's sober. I love that it's serious and it's like a real relationship now. There was so much drama involved with him messed up all the time.

 

I'm so proud of him.

 

XO

[Dumbledore]

I think some credit needs to be given to O'bama. This is a very uplifting story of change. Thank you for sharing.

[amaysngrace]

I think some credit needs to be given to O'bama.

 

Could be. He did promise change and see just how powerful he is??

 

Wow.

 

Who knew...

[mark982]

give obama about as much credit as what i just flushed down the tiolet. give your b/f all the support he needs, cause it can have some rough moments.but the rewards are well worth it.

[Lauriebell82]

Wow, that's GREAT he went 2 weeks!

 

Please still support him and don't get angry or upset if he does "slip up." Although 2 weeks is great he still is vulnerable to relapse.

 

Reasons why he thinks he is boring:

 

1. He's not used to being in his sane mind-everything was one big drunken party before!

 

2. He's probably just bored with HIMSELF because he doesn't know how to excite himself in his life without alcohol.

 

3. Usually recovering alcoholics DO get a little bit more mellow once they sober up as drinking gives you that little "kick" where you feel energetic and outgoing. Take that away and you got your regular personality.

 

Bottom line: support him, encourage him, when he gets ancy and gets cravings talk him down, keep him occupied so he doesn't think about booze. It's going to be a long hall for him. Getting sober/clean is NOT easy. He's going to get sick, he's going to want a drink. You aren't always going to be able to stop him. I think it's great you want to support him, but you will have to get through his bumps with him.

[amaysngrace]

give your b/f all the support he needs, cause it can have some rough moments.but the rewards are well worth it.

 

I do support him. Friday night he wanted to drink and he almost did but then I showed up at his house and started being his own personal cheerleader and he didn't have it in him to drink after that.

 

Please still support him and don't get angry or upset if he does "slip up." Although 2 weeks is great he still is vulnerable to relapse.

 

Reasons why he thinks he is boring:

 

1. He's not used to being in his sane mind-everything was one big drunken party before!

 

Yes you're right. Life was one big party. But it got old. It was too much for me to handle with him being like that all the time. He was becoming more and more irresponsible.

 

Last night he had opened a beer and drank almost half of it by the time I got there. He was so mad at himself. He said he lost the taste for it and he was angry that he caved.

 

I told him to dump it down the drain then but he didn't want to. I told him I love him no matter what. I told him since he already made his choice for the night to let it go and just enjoy it. I told him tomorrow is another day.

 

We got drunk.

 

I think I'm very supportive of him. I'm trying to be anyway. I can't relate to what he goes through because I don't have a problem with alcohol. I imagine it's probably worse than I think it is to have this struggle. It's non-stop neverending.

 

It has to suck.

[Taulu]

 

Last night he had opened a beer and drank almost half of it by the time I got there. He was so mad at himself. He said he lost the taste for it and he was angry that he caved.

 

I told him to dump it down the drain then but he didn't want to. I told him I love him no matter what. I told him since he already made his choice for the night to let it go and just enjoy it. I told him tomorrow is another day.

 

We got drunk.

 

I think I'm very supportive of him.

 

You did it the wrong way. You shouldn't be supportive the way you think. Why did you drunk with him? He is an alcoholic, he can't drink even one tiny drop alcohol.

 

You didn't support him if you told you will love him no matter what. You only gave him more reasons why not to stop drinking. If you are understanting and loving he doesn't have to stop.

 

If you want him to end drinking you can't be supporting. You have to stop loving and understanding. Only way to help him is let him alone. As long as everything is ok around him (love, money, work, friends) he really doesn't have to stop.

 

An alcoholic can stop only if he realise what he has to lose. And he will not understand untill he is totally alone: without friends, love and everything.

[Trialbyfire]

amaysn, in getting drunk together, you're enabling his alcoholism, not supporting it.

 

Plse go to al-anon. It will help both of you.

[amaysngrace]

I told him to let it go because if not he'd have been miserable that he caved in. I told him to dump it and he said no. So it was pretty clear that he had decided to get drunk. So what you are saying is that I should have stayed there and hear him be miserable? Or I should have left? Or I should have just did what I did and tell him tomorrow's another day and to just enjoy it rather than beat him up for it?

 

He's human. He made a mistake. He's a grown man and he made a choice.

 

I don't know how I'm enabling him. He started drinking half a beer before I even got there. It wasn't my choice to drink. It was his.

 

How does this make me the bad guy? I like the motto one day at a time. I figured yesterday was already in the crapper. So that itself is enough for me to forget the past 13 days when he was sober?

 

Besides he wanted to test himself. He's been talking about it since he stopped drinking. He wanted to lab rat himself and see if he could just have one or two to unwind and just quit. You know...like normal people do. Well apparently he cannot.

 

Anyway I figure he has to answer to him at the end of the day. It's his struggle. It's his battle. Yes it'd be great if he could just kick the habit as if it didn't have such a stronghold on him but the truth is it does.

 

I honestly don't see what I did that was so wrong.

[MindoverMatter]

How does this make me the bad guy? I like the motto one day at a time. I figured yesterday was already in the crapper. So that itself is enough for me to forget the past 13 days when he was sober?

 

I always thought that one day at a time meant that you start afresh every day, you don't look back and say yay I made 2 weeks, let's drink and celebrate, but face the longings with all your resolve, just as if it were the very first day. Could be wrong, I never went to AA.

 

Besides he wanted to test himself. He's been talking about it since he stopped drinking. He wanted to lab rat himself and see if he could just have one or two to unwind and just quit. You know...like normal people do. Well apparently he cannot.

 

Yes. He has been talking about it, because he is an addict. "I just want to see if I can control it". Could he control it, he would not be an alcoholic. He knew, deep down, what he was doing. He wanted a fix. And he got it. Guiltfree.

 

I honestly don't see what I did that was so wrong.

 

This:

 

We got drunk.

 

Why did you have to continue drinking after this? Why did you have to drink with him? Yes, it is his struggle, but that is not really helping him. At all.

To give a lighter example: if a friend is on a diet and you catch her eating a candy bar, you probably won't make a scene out of it. But would actually start having an eating contest with her, so she would feel better? Because she won't.

 

It is his struggle, and it sucks to be in this, because being with a recovering alcoholic means confrontation, means to stand by and let them fight alone. And it also means to make a stand when they drink alcohol. If he does it, he has to do it alone. But you got drunk with him. You made it a light experience. You basically taught him that it was not a big deal.

 

But it is. He wasted 2 weeks of non-drinking on that night. Which means that the next day will be harder than the day before. The withdrawal will start again. Etc.

 

This will not be the only time he will want to open a can of beer and it will not be the only time that you don't feel like making scene out of it. But every time he drinks, he loses all the time he spend on recovering. And he is back to square one.

 

I know it's hard. And it's great that you love so much. But sometimes we have to be hard to those we love most.

 

P.S. I'd consider not having any alcohol in the house for a couple of months at least. That would help him reduce the temptation.

[mark982]

when i quit drinking(almost 5 yrs) dr. put me on liberum(sp), i'm here to tell you that stuff does the trick. isn't like antiabuse where you throw up. this stuff just takes the urges away. 1 pill 3x a day, for 90 days.something to check into.also your mind doesn't clear up from the alchol fog for up to 2 yrs. that's why in aa they tell you not to make no major decisions for 2 years.

[blind_otter]

Some alcoholics take a while to get to the point of sobriety. There can be a lot of slip ups along the way. My S/O has stuggled with his sobriety for a couple of years. He will go months without drinking, then convince himself that he can have one or two, which becomes 3 or 4, which becomes a 12 pack.

 

Initially I would drink with him. But of course when I became pregnant, that was no longer possible. I think he felt more censure when I no longer drank alcohol with him. Just my experience. Suddenly it was 10 times worse when he drank, because I no longer indulged with him.

 

I do think Al anon is a good support group for those of us who are partnered with someone who is an alcoholic.

 

Anyway, if you need to talk, pm me. I've been there. I hope that I won't be there again (fingers crossed!!) but you know how it is. One day at a time.

[Taulu]

 

I honestly don't see what I did that was so wrong.

 

 

You did this:

 

I told him I love him no matter what. I told him since he already made his choice for the night to let it go and just enjoy it. I told him tomorrow is another day.

 

You made the decision for him. You relieved him of responsibility. That's the way he thinks. He is alcoholic and you can't even imagine how complicated his thinking process is.

[amaysngrace]

I always thought that one day at a time meant that you start afresh every day, you don't look back and say yay I made 2 weeks, let's drink and celebrate, but face the longings with all your resolve, just as if it were the very first day. Could be wrong, I never went to AA.

 

Could be right too. I never went to AA either.

 

Yes. He has been talking about it, because he is an addict. "I just want to see if I can control it". Could he control it, he would not be an alcoholic. He knew, deep down, what he was doing. He wanted a fix. And he got it. Guiltfree.

 

He has guilt. He has told other people that he stopped. He told the people at the AA meeting that he stopped. Now when he sees them I'm certain he will feel guilt and shame and nine million other things to go along with it.

 

Why did you have to continue drinking after this? Why did you have to drink with him? Yes, it is his struggle, but that is not really helping him. At all.

 

Again what were my other options really? To leave? I mean I guess I could have done that and that would have made him feel real bad but I think he probably feels bad enough already. It's a slippery slope. One I'm not very familiar with at all. I never got involved with someone with an addiction before. I really don't know what's right or wrong and I mostly just go with my heart and my head the best that I can at the time.

 

P.S. I'd consider not having any alcohol in the house for a couple of months at least. That would help him reduce the temptation.

 

This is a good idea. I will suggest it to him. Thank you.

 

when i quit drinking(almost 5 yrs) dr. put me on liberum(sp), i'm here to tell you that stuff does the trick. isn't like antiabuse where you throw up. this stuff just takes the urges away. 1 pill 3x a day, for 90 days.something to check into.also your mind doesn't clear up from the alchol fog for up to 2 yrs. that's why in aa they tell you not to make no major decisions for 2 years.

 

Another good idea. I will pass it along as well. TY.

[amaysngrace]

Some alcoholics take a while to get to the point of sobriety. There can be a lot of slip ups along the way. My S/O has stuggled with his sobriety for a couple of years. He will go months without drinking, then convince himself that he can have one or two, which becomes 3 or 4, which becomes a 12 pack.

 

Initially I would drink with him. But of course when I became pregnant, that was no longer possible. I think he felt more censure when I no longer drank alcohol with him. Just my experience. Suddenly it was 10 times worse when he drank, because I no longer indulged with him.

 

I do think Al anon is a good support group for those of us who are partnered with someone who is an alcoholic.

 

Anyway, if you need to talk, pm me. I've been there. I hope that I won't be there again (fingers crossed!!) but you know how it is. One day at a time.

 

I think so highly of you kiddo. I really do.

 

Sometimes I wish A_C was around. I've been missing him.

 

Anyway I understand what you're saying. I should not have drank. I should not have indulged him that way. But I did. At least I know for next time if there is a next time which I'm pretty sure there will be.

 

It's hard to love an alcoholic. No that's not true. It's easy to love an alcoholic but it's just hard when they're drinking. It's hard to know what to do and when to do it. It's so not in my nature to be a hard ass to people I care about. It makes me feel bad to be that way.