smile_through_tears Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 God, it hurts.....I'm in this fight but I don't even know what I'm fighting for anymore. I'm not happy at all....actually nothing makes me happy...I made so many mistakes with him, I hurt him so bad untill one day he got tired of my sh*t...I can't stop blaming myself for this break-up...I did things that I'm not proud of...I never thought the day would come when he would leave...He also hurt me badly...Now I'm wondering if everything he ever told me was even true....Did I live a lie? It is so painful...He has cut me and my friends out of his life..he says he didnt leave because of my mistakes but that i did hurt him really bad...now he is talking to the girl that he "cheated on me emotionally" with...then he told me he was over her but I saw him flirting with her on facebook... to which he deleted me and my friends...He says he cares about me with all his heart and will always be there for me but we dont even talk anymore... Everywhere I go it reminds me of him, and I cant even listen to some songs....I'm going through hell.... I see him from a distance moving on and it breaks my heart...he acts as though I'm some stranger in his life....like I'm not that same girl he laid to late at night...what kind of ***ced up **** is this? Why do i have to be the one feeling so much pain and guilt over mistakes I have made? He is out there moving on and not feeling guilt for the pain he caused me....I'm sad and angry and there is no closure to be had....it hurts to be NC but it hurts to be in contact...i love him sooo much, it hurts so much to know that i will never be in his apt. again....i wont kiss him again, see his parents or all of these things...i dont want nobody else to love him and i dont want nobody else to love me...its painful to imagine him loving another girl...or imagining myself having someone else touch me...heck, even the though of his family meeting a new girl he likes hurts me..i miss his mom too...she always told me she loved me and i made her son so happy.........and now someone else will take my place, he has completely let go of me....God this is way too painful...i'm 20 yrs old, I'm young i know....but still it hurts like hell...even the thought of moving on and forgetting about us hurts me....how can he be so cold to me after all the stuff we been through? how can he go on about his life like i never existed? and knowing how much pain i was in why did he never call me? if he cared as much as he said he did? I feel so angry and hurt... and just hopeless
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Whew, where to start. How bout you highlight on these things you're blaming yourself for? Tell us what you did that you feel so bad about. Secondly, you must work on this: Self-Esteem. Did he ever care? Maybe, maybe not. But does him caring or not caring say anything about YOU? No. You could and probably are an amazing person. Whether he ever really cared is irrelevant. You were alive how many years before you even knew he existed? You smiled and laughed how many times before you knew he existed? Come on.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 you're not alone, i relate to everything you're saying. it's such a horrible place to be right now. and hard to imagine that anyone else can know what you're going through. but i'm here for the same reason. i hope we both feel better soon.
nature Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 what happened? what mistakes do you feel you made that hurt him and caused him to break up with you? he may just be doing the "ignore, no contact" thing to protect himself right now, because it just hurts too much to be in contact. I did and am donig the same thing to help heal from my ex. Not replying to his emails, deleted all his friends from my Facebook, etc. Its just too painful to be surrounded by all that when trying to get over someone. It just rubbed salt in my wound, so to protect myself and heal, I've gone NC. Give it time.
Author smile_through_tears Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 what did i do? uhh!! well my big mistakes were before i was his girlfriend...we weren't officially together but we were hanging out with each other all the time and kissing each other...basically we liked each other and were about to become official...i slept with someone else and he got really hurt from it. he said that was cheating and that i broke his heart...but the thing is he LIKED another girl as well...at the same time we were together...so i viewed that as emotional cheating...and now he hangs out with her makes me wonder if he ever truly got over her like he told me...i wonder if he ever truly cared for me but i believe he did..because he showed it to me...but then how can all that love just be gone?? i know i made more mistakes than that, I know I was messed up and its eating me up...he said he is "trying to move on" and "he keeps himself busy"....when we first broke up he was upset about it, then he became so cold...i dont understand...now i'm talking to another guy but all i keep thinking about is MY EX!!!! i'm so upset but i will not break NC because i know my ex would only act cold and all i would do is put myself down even more....another thing after we broke up we slept together and he told me "its jsut sex, no getting attached"....that made me feel like sh*t...How can he say that to me after all the crap we have been through?? Mind you, this was the sweetest guy (and not just my opinion, he had a rep. for that) and now he's talking to me like that?? He still contacts me sometimes and I act like everything is okay, Im basically biting my tongue because obvioulsy i cant talk to him about whats going on....he cant be there for me through this soooo.... Is this karma coming back at me?? it hurts...like even when i talk to the new guy i miss my ex even more....this situation sucks
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