ny152 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I'm trying to decipher what this girl is thinking, which is probably not a good idea, and I should probably just leave things alone, but I thought an opinion wouldn't hurt. I'll ask the question from the female point of view, but just to be clear I'm the guy being referred to here. The question is; as a girl, what would you do if you went on a couple of dates with a guy, and found out he was most likely moving away in the next couple of months? Would you continue to see him to see how things go or would you immediately put an end to things before they got serious so you wouldn't end up being hurt when he ultimately had to leave. What if there's a small chance this guy might not be moving? is it worth missing out on something that might turn into something great just to avoid the possibility of being hurt?
sweetgirl99 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Honestly, if you two hit it off and really like eachother, distance may be hard but doable. If you like a person and want things to work out it will take a lot of work on both parts, but it can be done I'm talking to someone in an unofficial LDR and so far so good...One of my best friends is married to someone she had a LDR with. It just depends on how much both of you give! Good luck!
Confusedalways Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I would probably proceed with a ton of caution, perhaps not limit myself to just him. I don't think I would stop seeing him completely though. Knowing me, i'd probably get hung up on the "small possibility he wasn't moving" and stay in my fantasy world until further notice. I don't tend to take people seriously anymore since out of the tons and tons of people who tell me they're moving, one or two of them ACTUALLY move. I guess what I'm saying is I'd proceed with caution
AlektraClementine Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I would also be the type to get hung up on the small possibility of him not leaving. With that said, it's VERY important that you communicate your intentions clearly. If you are only interested in having fun with her until you go, make sure you tell her in no uncertain terms, that you are not looking for a relationship. This sets an appropriate level of expectation for her. I know that LDRs work for some people but it would never work for me so make sure that you know how she feels about LDRs first if in fact you are looking for more than just fun. good luck! sounds like a potentially tough situation.
BubblyPopcorn Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 It would depend on how far away he was moving, how invested I was, how invested he was, whether or not we could see each other during that time apart, etc. I think anything is possible but LDR's are extremely difficult as is, let alone right after you first meet someone and knowing that they may be moving away. I would follow Alektra's advice to the tee in your situation because LDR's are an entirely different set of circumstances. I met someone last year who lived about an hour away. The distance factor was an automatic no for me from the onset because I didn't know anything about him so there was no real "investment". But I really began to like him after spending time with him so the distance factor wasn't an issue for me at that point. The issue for me, was right after our 4th date which was significant to me. He became vague with certain things and there was a three week period where we didn't see each other so I took that as him just looking at things/us as "casual".
whichwayisup Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I wouldn't let myself get too emotionally attached if I knew he was moving away.
Author ny152 Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 I think I missed a key piece of information, she already made it clear that she wasn't interested in pursuing things, which is fine I guess, obviously I'm disappointed but there's nothing that can be done about it. My confusion just came from the reason she gave me, just didn't seem to fit, things went from hot to cold all of a sudden. I'd be even more disappointed if she ended it because I was probably leaving town. like you said, if things did end up going well and getting serious I'm sure we could have worked something out from long distance, or plans might have even changed, but I guess I'll never know, and that's what bothers me.
Ronni_W Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 , if things did end up going well and getting serious ... but I guess I'll never know, Well, YEAH, you DO know. Things started off NOT going well (for her) after just a couple of dates. It never had a hope in Hades of "ending up" going well and getting serious. You TOTALLY do know that. At least, that is the conclusion to which all your current evidence is pointing. And it doesn't seem to have anything to do with the fact that you may or may not be moving.
Author ny152 Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 ah... well I don't really want to get into the details on here. I think it was pretty much done before it started, it was nice to here the opinions though. Kind of sucks though, partly because I wasn't even attracted to her until I started to get to know her, that almost never happens, I'm not saying she wasn't attractive in general, but unfortunately it's just not the way things usually work. I think that's why this one bothers me so much.
BubblyPopcorn Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 OP you absolutely deserve to be with someone who you are attracted to on every level but most people aren't going to be attracted to each other on every level at the same time right off the bat. In any case, there has to be that initial spark whether it be a physical spark or something else. I was physically attracted to the man I mentioned above from the onset, but that alone wasn't what sparked it for me. It was a combination of things, things that I saw and that I valued, the closeness that I felt towards him when I was with him in person, it just clicked for me with him. But I think what we lacked was communication first and foremost and that is very crucial in any relationship. We had very different styles of communication and we weren't around each other enough to understand each other better. I knew that I wanted a RL with him, my mind was already set but I did not have the dating experience going into it. After my last LTR ended and up through the point that I met him, the most number of dates I had been out on with any one person was 2 at max. And that was because I pretty much knew right after date 2 that the guy wasn't for me and/or vice versa. I made it to the 4th date with him, because my interest level was high enough to get there. I will never know what the deal is/was either and so much has happened after that point that has left me in disbelief and I am a lot more cautious now with new men that I meet.
toosadforaname Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 If I were the girl I would go on a couple of more dates. I don't think a few dates makes it or breaks it. I would have fun and keep the expectations at a minimum. And if I were you, I would not change my plans for this girl. Because if it's going to work, it can work long distance. I know people who have had their relationship form quite well long distance, even if they weren't together for long before being separated. And if you change your plans for her, to see if this will work, you could lose an opportunity. And no matter how the relationship works out, you could stand the risk of regret --> resentment. Best of luck! I'm trying to decipher what this girl is thinking, which is probably not a good idea, and I should probably just leave things alone, but I thought an opinion wouldn't hurt. I'll ask the question from the female point of view, but just to be clear I'm the guy being referred to here. The question is; as a girl, what would you do if you went on a couple of dates with a guy, and found out he was most likely moving away in the next couple of months? Would you continue to see him to see how things go or would you immediately put an end to things before they got serious so you wouldn't end up being hurt when he ultimately had to leave. What if there's a small chance this guy might not be moving? is it worth missing out on something that might turn into something great just to avoid the possibility of being hurt?
Author ny152 Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 oddly enough that BubblyPopcorn stuff makes me feel a bit better about things, not sure why, but oh well. well I wouldn't have changed any plans that quickly, didn't even get to that stage. All interesting input though, thanks nameless strangers.
vanilla87 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I'm trying to decipher what this girl is thinking, which is probably not a good idea, and I should probably just leave things alone, but I thought an opinion wouldn't hurt. I'll ask the question from the female point of view, but just to be clear I'm the guy being referred to here. The question is; as a girl, what would you do if you went on a couple of dates with a guy, and found out he was most likely moving away in the next couple of months? Would you continue to see him to see how things go or would you immediately put an end to things before they got serious so you wouldn't end up being hurt when he ultimately had to leave. What if there's a small chance this guy might not be moving? is it worth missing out on something that might turn into something great just to avoid the possibility of being hurt? I'd probably take it upon myself to try things till he was leaving and just end it the day he left and be friends, so that maybe down the road he turns out to be a best friend, someone that is great to have around, but everyone is different, and thats just my personal opinion.
Isolde Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I'd probably risk it, but I'd be even more inclined than usual to let the guy take the lead. I would be quite loath to initiate any kind of physical contact with someone who I was unsure wanted to stay in touch at all. In other words, I'd treat the dates with this guy in a more experimental manner, just having fun and seeing if we had anything deeper worth pursuing.
Author ny152 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 If I were the girl I would go on a couple of more dates. I don't think a few dates makes it or breaks it. I would have fun and keep the expectations at a minimum. yeah that's what I would have thought... suppose it was just plain old not interested.
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