ooops..............

[nature]

how long ago was this break up and how long were you together?

[not_a_happy_camper]

i know!!!! believe me this has all gone through my head, over and over again. i know he's immature..............he'll be 27 next month! i can say he wasn't always like that.................i think this exposed major problems for sure. but it doesn't stop me loving him. i'm not such an insecure person that i feel i need him to validate me. i don't feel i need him...............i want him though. i realise i shouldn't if that's the way he can treat me. if he can just walk away. now do you see why i don't think that text means he wants me back?

[not_a_happy_camper]

break up was just over 2 months ago. family event that sparked things just three months ago. together a year and a half. my first relationship which probably explains the blindness. his second relationship...................was with a girl for three years in college. but that was nowhere near as serious as our relationship, he said he'd never been close to her as he was to me. he was with her three years, and neither of them said i love you. and he told a mutual friend that he was finding this break up far harder than the last. "first break up was nothing compared to this" were his words apparently

[not_a_happy_camper]

ok, your ex and mine are very similar............

[nature]

Ohhhh it's so much like my situation, it's crazy!!! Except my ex is in his late 30s, if you can believe it. And still running around with "the boys". lol

 

Ok, I think what his text means is....he wants you back if you will live it on his terms and not make it too difficult for him. If you go along with his life the way he wants it, and don't second guess him or get upset. He will have you back if you will do it his way. But he's not willing to compromise and work on the relationship. He's not willing to see your side. He is only willing to have a relationship if he makes all the rules and you go along with them. And that does't bode well for a healthy relationship. You'd have to be a doormat to accept that. But that's what he wants.

 

He's not willing to fully let go either. That's why his text. He's somewhat saying the door is open if you want to play by his rules. He's waiting for you to beg him back. That way, he can set the rules and feel like he's in the power position. So do not beg for him back.

[not_a_happy_camper]

in his 30's?!! do they ever grow up?! maybe you should try setting some of his friends up with some of your friends.......................once one of them goes, they'll all start dropping like flies!!!

 

i know it's hard to live with. it was only the last few months were like that though, that's what i found so incomprehensible, but that's what i'd wanted to talk to him about...........i guess when you have to start asking to be made a priority, you've already kind of lost the battle though, eh?

 

i have absolutely no intention of begging him to come back. i wanted to let him know i was sorry for my part in things. but i think i'd only do that if he tried to talk about it himself. he did apologise for what happened................he apologised more for hurting me, but says his actions were justified because he was angry about something i'd said to him, and then because i didn't want to go out. so childish! i said to him that if he wasn't sorry for his behaviour, it meant he could do it again...................he said he couldn't guarantee it wouldn't happen again. which isn't good enough.

 

i didn't want him to change. i just wanted him to see that this wasn't right. and love me enough to at least try. too much to ask i guess.

 

like you said, so much was on his terms..........the minute i complained, he's gone. i don't understand why i feel this way when i know all this. if he came back to me saying he wanted to try, i'd say ok. only if these issues are addressed and you meet me half way. i couldn't settle for less.

[nature]

My friends know all my ex's friends, and none of my friends would go near any of them with a ten foot pole!!! lol They seriously act like they are 19. Even my ex would tell me he knows they're a bunch of idiots. Yet he went along with them. And in the end, they won.

 

sounds like you've got a healthy perspective with you ex and your head on straight. maybe you should write him an email and explain yourself. then at the end, say you wish him a good life. lol

[hunkahunkaburninlove]

NAHC, If I can jump in here from a man's perspective . You say you are both proud. It sounds like he is no less stubborn then you. At each point where he put himself out there to test the waters you shut him down. Guys know that the last thing a girl wants is someone chasing after them all needy and stuff. Since I can't talk to him, and all I can do is talk with you. I will make my comments to you. Before a relationship can go to the next level, sometimes one partner will pull away to see if the other is actually interested in going to the next level. I went through the same thing with my wife. She is 4 years older then me and I originally told her I was a year younger. I was unsure about moving our relationship forward. So one day I just blurted it out seeing if she would break-up with me. I was everything she never wanted. Military, smoker, partier, younger. Well we didn't break up and will be having our 29 anniversary in april. She is my world. Its funny how the things she didn't like about me were shed over the years. No regrets. What I am saying is he may be torn about the life he had with you and the life he has without you. Sometimes relationships are that way. My advice is throw caution to the wind. Find him and tell him, that you have been miserable without him. Tell him those times that you shut him down were only because you didn't want to breakdown in front of him. Tell him you still love him. Tell him that when he texted you, saying that "I will always be there for you" that you wanted to see if that was true. Tell him that you don't know how he feels about you. And that he might still not want to have a relationship with you, and that you are OK with that. But that you are not going to live your life safe. That when you love someone, you are going to let them know it. Tell him this is not about begging him to come back. "It is about me living honestly." I love you, but if I don't know whether you love me or not, I can't move on. Maybe we're destined to only being friends. I just don't want to live my life by half measure. But if you were honest about always being there for me. Right now I want to come over there and hug you and cry on your shoulder for a while. Hey at least you know someone loves you. Thats not a bad thing. Right?

 

Now, the question for you is which would you rather be proud (false pride really) or honest with yourself. Here are the lyrics to a song I always liked, and no I am not suggesting you do this. It just speaks to me about complete honesty. It was written by Bonnie Raitt.

 

"Love has no pride"

 

I've had bad dreams too many times

To think that they don't mean much anymore

And fine times have gone and left my sad home

And the friends who once cared just walk out my door

 

But love has no pride when I call out your name

And love has no pride when there's no one to blame

But I'd give anything to see you again

 

I've been alone too many nights

To think that you could come back again

I've heard you talk

She's crazy to stay

But this love hurt's me so

I don't care what you say

 

But love has no pride when I call out your name

And love has no pride when there's no one to blame

But I'd give anything to see you again

 

If I could buy your love

Then I'd surely try my friend

And if I could pray

My prayers would never end

But if you want me to beg

I'll fall down on my knees

And ask you to come back

I'd be pleading for you to come back

I'd beg for you to come back to me

 

Love has no pride when I call out your name

And love has no pride when there's no one but myself to blame

But I'd give anything to see you again

Yes I'd give anything to see you again

 

She sure knows how to right songs. Eh?

[not_a_happy_camper]

NAHC, If I can jump in here from a man's perspective . You say you are both proud. It sounds like he is no less stubborn then you. At each point where he put himself out there to test the waters you shut him down. Guys know that the last thing a girl wants is someone chasing after them all needy and stuff. Since I can't talk to him, and all I can do is talk with you. I will make my comments to you. Before a relationship can go to the next level, sometimes one partner will pull away to see if the other is actually interested in going to the next level. I went through the same thing with my wife. She is 4 years older then me and I originally told her I was a year younger. I was unsure about moving our relationship forward. So one day I just blurted it out seeing if she would break-up with me. I was everything she never wanted. Military, smoker, partier, younger. Well we didn't break up and will be having our 29 anniversary in april. She is my world. Its funny how the things she didn't like about me were shed over the years. No regrets. What I am saying is he may be torn about the life he had with you and the life he has without you. Sometimes relationships are that way. My advice is throw caution to the wind. Find him and tell him, that you have been miserable without him. Tell him those times that you shut him down were only because you didn't want to breakdown in front of him. Tell him you still love him. Tell him that when he texted you, saying that "I will always be there for you" that you wanted to see if that was true. Tell him that you don't know how he feels about you. And that he might still not want to have a relationship with you, and that you are OK with that. But that you are not going to live your life safe. That when you love someone, you are going to let them know it. Tell him this is not about begging him to come back. "It is about me living honestly." I love you, but if I don't know whether you love me or not, I can't move on. Maybe we're destined to only being friends. I just don't want to live my life by half measure. But if you were honest about always being there for me. Right now I want to come over there and hug you and cry on your shoulder for a while. Hey at least you know someone loves you. Thats not a bad thing. Right?

 

Now, the question for you is which would you rather be proud (false pride really) or honest with yourself. Here are the lyrics to a song I always liked, and no I am not suggesting you do this. It just speaks to me about complete honesty. It was written by Bonnie Raitt.

 

 

that song is cool hunk. it's funny how many songs i relate to since all of this has happened that i didn't relate to before. i'd like to put myself out there to him. but i feel it will be begging. i know i shut him down anytime he reached out. but in fairness, he did the same to me. that's why it's hard to know. i made so many compromises in this relationship. i think if anyone needs to think and to compromise it's him. in fairness, he did make a big blunder with not picking me up or contacting me. that was pretty horrible. the only remorse he showed was for hurting me, not for his behaviour. it was a long distance relationship too, but we're from the same home town. makes it harder though.

[not_a_happy_camper]

My friends know all my ex's friends, and none of my friends would go near any of them with a ten foot pole!!! lol They seriously act like they are 19. Even my ex would tell me he knows they're a bunch of idiots. Yet he went along with them. And in the end, they won.

 

sounds like you've got a healthy perspective with you ex and your head on straight. maybe you should write him an email and explain yourself. then at the end, say you wish him a good life. lol

 

i kinda said that at the end of the last email when i'd said we'd never be together again! i really shot myself with that one didn't i? it wasn't a very negative email.....................i pointed out so many of the good memories we'd had together. told him that in spite of the hurt, i'd had no regrets. that it was hard because i was losing my best friend and a lover. but that i found it hard to think about being with someone who didn't want to go that extra mile to make it work. i can still see the truth in that message..................but if he was willing now to go that extra mile, i'd definitely want to try.

 

about the friends thing..............my mum has this saying...................tell me your friends, and i'll tell you what you are. and i used to think she was talking crap when she said that........................but the older i get (and i'm only 25!) the more i realise, that's not just a saying, she speaks the truth!!! you can generally tell a person by the people they surround themselves with!

[hunkahunkaburninlove]

Oh well, I just thought it would be better to communicate your feelings, instead of pining away for him. Relationships are not about a scorecard. If you ever think that it is 50/50 down the line, you better realize that sometimes it 60/40 or 30/70. What holds you together sometimes is you loving him more at one time or him loving you more. What happens 6 years down the line and you wake up next to this person and think "Oh, its you again". Sometimes you have to be in love with the relationship more then you're in love with the SO. Its what gets you through the rough spots, so you can be around for the fun stuff. Good Luck.

[saturnsfall]

When my ex ended it with me, I left a bunch of my stuff at the apartment because I just needed to get out. I had zero interest in going back. Weeks after being NC, I called and asked if he would drop my things off. At this point, I was ok, I was living my life and hadn't spoke to him. When he arrived I helped him bring the stuff inside. I barely spoke one word. Before he left he looked at me, he looked like he had something to say, but I walked around and went inside without saying anything. I felt bad because he looked like he had something to say. So, like you shutting the door, I understand how you feel. I called him that night and we had a regular conversation for about one hour.

 

When he broke up with me, he told me (just what you want to hear from your ex) that we would never be, there are no second chances, that we're over, etc. That broke me even more than I already was. Seeing him that night when he dropped my things, I was ok. So, although he said "we're done" weeks prior, I ended up talking to him and seeing him a few days later. Granted, we only saw eachother for a couple weeks before he pulled the saem BS. He started to get close to me again, and in my opinion, got scared so ran away.

 

My point: regardless of whether you hear your ex say the words you deem as "magic words" it won't matter. They can say "we're done" until they're blue in the face. It doesn't always mean that phrase will last. I say this from experience.

 

As far as you having written an email saying it was over for good. That doesn't matter either unless you never contact him again.

 

We do things, things that hurt one another and say things that aren't true and only reflect how we feel at that moment. They can last a few days or weeks. It doesn't necessarily mean that's how we'll feel forever.

[not_a_happy_camper]

Oh well, I just thought it would be better to communicate your feelings, instead of pining away for him. Relationships are not about a scorecard. If you ever think that it is 50/50 down the line, you better realize that sometimes it 60/40 or 30/70. What holds you together sometimes is you loving him more at one time or him loving you more. What happens 6 years down the line and you wake up next to this person and think "Oh, its you again". Sometimes you have to be in love with the relationship more then you're in love with the SO. Its what gets you through the rough spots, so you can be around for the fun stuff. Good Luck.

 

i realise it's not a score card. i'd like to communicate my feelings to him. i just don't know anymore. it scares me what he'll say. and like i've said i'd like it to be him doing the running for once. i felt i was running for months. but i know if i want this, i have to let him know. i just don't know how. i think that text he sent me sounded pretty final. and i think that if he was pushing me to see what would happen in terms of whether we'd break up or not..................he shouldn't have to test me. that's not fair. i wanted to get through the rough spot. he didn't. i don't know why i'm battling with myself anymore.

[not_a_happy_camper]

 

When he broke up with me, he told me (just what you want to hear from your ex) that we would never be, there are no second chances, that we're over, etc. That broke me even more than I already was. Seeing him that night when he dropped my things, I was ok. So, although he said "we're done" weeks prior, I ended up talking to him and seeing him a few days later. Granted, we only saw eachother for a couple weeks before he pulled the saem BS. He started to get close to me again, and in my opinion, got scared so ran away.

 

My point: regardless of whether you hear your ex say the words you deem as "magic words" it won't matter. They can say "we're done" until they're blue in the face. It doesn't always mean that phrase will last. I say this from experience.

 

As far as you having written an email saying it was over for good. That doesn't matter either unless you never contact him again.

 

We do things, things that hurt one another and say things that aren't true and only reflect how we feel at that moment. They can last a few days or weeks. It doesn't necessarily mean that's how we'll feel forever.

 

when we broke up, he said that he'd be regretting it for a long time. i've probably put all this up on this thread already, sorry if i'm repeating myself! he said he could end up coming back in a few months begging me to take him back. i know that can change equally. bugger it. i just don't know anymore.

[not_a_happy_camper]

ok. so i'm still considering what i should do. or what i'd like to do rather. i'm in a way better place than i was last night. i was sooooooooooo overcome last night. and i'd like to say thanks to everyone who's contributed here. i was up till 5am on this! i sat at the computer balling my eyes out. to the extent my eyes, nose and stomach were hurting. not pleasant. i really needed to talk and get it all out. and i appreciate that you all read and gave advice. feels good to talk! the crying was a large emotional purge. i feel a lot more distant from the situation now. but still feel the need to do something. just not right now. i'm going to wait it out a while. i don't want to make a mistake.

 

i have another question though. based on all that's been written here..................i know that's a lot to read! apologies! he dumped me..................with many mixed messages. i didn't want it to end. but shortly after the break up i sent the email saying we could never be together again. and shut him out any time he tried. and here i want him back.............i think.

 

if i was to contact him...............do i do so just as a friend? or do i make things clear from the outset?

 

and how can i, as the dumpee, if asking him to come back, do so with terms and conditions? because there is no way i could go back to this relationship without discussing what went wrong last time round. that is assuming of course he was willing to talk about it.......................for this reason do i test the water first and see does he want to do the friend thing and see how that works?

 

i know this would be difficult............but while it could be worth it, i want to try.

[nature]

Camper...give me the point form version of why he broke up with you. Remember, he broke up with you. Therefore, he must understand why you were cold to him when he came by your house and also why you wrote him the email saying you'll never get back together.

 

You should not feel guilty. He knows you must be hurt. He probably turned away from you at the bar because he feels like sh*t for hurting you. Not because he's angry. He feels bad that he knows he hurt you.

 

Why exactly did he break up wtih you?

What were his words when he did it?

What led up to him breaking up with you?

[not_a_happy_camper]

i'm not sure why nature. he gave me generic excuses, some of which could be valid..............but that i can't quite accept.

 

these are the things he said:

 

- he didn't treat me the way he should have, he can't be the boyfriend i

i want him to be

- we're not right for each other

- he's doing this now to prevent it happening again in 6 months time or

when we were travelling

- by staying together, we'd only be delaying the inevitable. we'd end up

fighting again. we'd end up hating each other. he doesn't want that to

happen.

- he said i never believed him when he said he loved me. (i always said

it first..............and it wasn't that i didn't believe him.........it was just

that the few months before hand he was planning around his friends, i

wasn't a priority to him)

- long distance relationships don't work. he felt history was repeating

itself. the only other relationship he had was long distance for three

years in college. apparently that relationship meant nothing in

comparison to ours. he never loved her. i was the first person he told

he loved.

 

he then said he'd probably be regretting this for ages and could end up coming back to me in a few months begging me to come back. conflicted? i rang him after all this, the same night and asked was he sure he was making the right decision because he seemed not too clear on things. he said ok, look we'll take a break...............no. forget that. i need a clean break from this.

 

the lead up to the break-up................posted above somewhere, about the family event.

 

bare in mind that the break-up happened sunday............on friday he'd said we'd give it a go, but we just had a nice night and talked about nothing too deep. we didn't address anything at that stage.

 

and two weeks before we broke up he was saying this was a petty thing to break up over. that we had so much going for us. and he was crying at a party the night before, a mutual friend told me...................because he knew what was at stake. this is now over 2 months ago

 

thanks for being so good nature, i really appreciate being able to talk about this.

 

he also said i needed to start looking after myself. i'd just been to the doctor that week, because i'd been feeling down. haven't a permanent job, was travelling a lot to work.........between three towns, on public transport while learning to drive. and living at home because my dad hadn't been well and i was trying to help out there too. it was all getting very stressful. i realise that had an effect on things too.

[nature]

Camper, your ex gave you the exact same reasons my ex gave me. lol So basically, what they were both saying is...

 

"I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm not ready for a commitment. I'm not ready to grow up. I'm not ready to put you first. So rather than make some concessions and work on this relationship, I'm going to throw in the towel and take the easy way out."

 

So right now, i think they both need to live with the break up. Live with the choice they made. Which means, no contact from us. Not giving them that ego stroke. Not letting them have their cake and eat it too. They could have made the choice to work on the relationship. But instead, they both chose to throw the relationship to the wind, and choose everything and everyone over us. And that hurts!

 

Mine said the same things....he doesn't now if he's making the right choice. He will probably regret this. Blah, blah, blah. I don't respect that. It's immature. I believe if yoiu love someone, then you put them first and you do what you can to make the relationship work.

 

Both our guys bailed. What does that tell us? That they are not emotionally mature enough for a relationship. And the only way they will grow up is to live with the consequences. And that means no contact from us. And if that doesn't help them grow up, then they never would have.

 

And in the mean time, we need to protect ourselves from being further hurt and further strung along.

 

Sending you a hug. I know how much it hurts.

[nature]

PS...let him live with knowning you are hurt. He hurt you. if that makes him feel bad, that's his problem.

 

Why would you be all lovey dovey when he came to your door? That's his problem. Dont' alleviate his guilt. He hurt you. No apologies from you. None.

[not_a_happy_camper]

Camper, your ex gave you the exact same reasons my ex gave me. lol So basically, what they were both saying is...

 

"I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm not ready for a commitment. I'm not ready to grow up. I'm not ready to put you first. So rather than make some concessions and work on this relationship, I'm going to throw in the towel and take the easy way out."

 

So right now, i think they both need to live with the break up. Live with the choice they made. Which means, no contact from us. Not giving them that ego stroke. Not letting them have their cake and eat it too. They could have made the choice to work on the relationship. But instead, they both chose to throw the relationship to the wind, and choose everything and everyone over us. And that hurts!

 

Mine said the same things....he doesn't now if he's making the right choice. He will probably regret this. Blah, blah, blah. I don't respect that. It's immature. I believe if yoiu love someone, then you put them first and you do what you can to make the relationship work.

 

Both our guys bailed. What does that tell us? That they are not emotionally mature enough for a relationship. And the only way they will grow up is to live with the consequences. And that means no contact from us. And if that doesn't help them grow up, then they never would have.

 

And in the mean time, we need to protect ourselves from being further hurt and further strung along.

 

Sending you a hug. I know how much it hurts.

 

you too, thanks

 

i thought that too....................emotionally immature, etc. i went through about a month of just wanting nothing to do with him, hurting. i think he has to deal with that definitely. but here i am still wanting him and not quite knowing why. and i also sent him that text because of his dad's anniversary to say i was thinking of him, and i'd always be there for him. i don't regret it. and he sent the same back. i just hate the thought that he'll never come back.

 

i think you're right. i don't think i should apologise. i think i had every right to behave the way i did towards him. there's also the possibility/probability that he's now acting the victim because of that. i don't know.

 

about the way he was at my door.................he looked at me the way he always did. like there was no one else in the world. he looked innocent or something, just stood and kind of shrugged his shoulders. i had to walk away. i didn't slam the door or anything. i just said "thanks for dropping these back, see you around". and closed the door. he admittedly looked shocked. like he didn't know what to do. i felt so guilty but i just couldn't talk to him.

[DSM-IV Tom]

It's the never ending topic, lol!

[nature]

Camper...my ex did the same to me. The first few months after he dumped me, we didnt' talk. I was so hurt. Then he came by my house a few times. Just showed up wanting to talk. He had that sad, puppy dog look as well. It got to me too.

 

I wanted him back too. But he still wasn't ready to make any concessions and still blamed me for having to break up wtih me. lol Becasue I wasn't happy with him running around with his buddies all the time. He thought i wasn't patient enough. He still feels this way. He just wrote me a month ago telling me he was such a good boyfriend and if i'd only been more patient, he would have figured out how to be in a relationship.

 

This guy is in his mid-30s. I had more mature relationships when I was in my teens. If you love someone, you put them first. It's not somethign to figure otu. These guys are selfish.

 

I know how you feel. I miss mine terribly. I want him back. I want him to wake up one day and realize what an idiot he is. I want him to change and grow up. But he's not going to.

 

So I have to protect myself. I have to stop kidding myself, as much as it hurts. I know it hurts. But if you go to him now, he will think he is fine and doesn't need to change. And he won't.

 

I think sometimes people have to lose something to realize how much it meant to them. And if losing them doesn't make them figure it out, then they were never going to. You can't settle for crumbs. You just can't.

 

I know it hurts. I do. I did the same. I told my ex in one of my emails that I'll always care about him immensely. Then he wrote back sending me a hug and kisses, etc. And I ignored it. I've ignored it since. I just realized I was in a bad situation and going down a bad path to be hurt further. And if I didn't step back, I was going to get even further hurt.

 

You cannot accept crumbs. The ball is in your ex's court. He needs to grow up and be a man. And if he does, he will come to you. Until then, ignore his puppy dog stares, etc. They are a symptom of his immaturity. A real man wouldn't do that.

[not_a_happy_camper]

i know, i'm sorry! first relationship, horrible ending, lots of lessons learned and to be learned and i'm appreciating this so much! thanks to everyone for the help!

[nature]

Don't be sorry. It hurts and it is hard. The only thing that is getting me through doing the NC thing, is thinking that at least he's not having the time of his life thinking i'm still waiting for him here.

 

It is never as fun partying with your friends when you don't have the person you love waiting at home for you. Or maybe it is...to immature people! lol

 

I'm not handling mine well. I hurt. I cry. I get angry. But I'm doing NC becasue I'm so bloody pissed off and will not accept crumbs. I will not be the girl (aka.doormat) waiting in the wings for some guy who is off partying away with his buddies. I've never been that girl and am not about to start now.

 

Most guys I've dated wanted me beside them doing that. So for soemone to treat me like I mean so little to them.....forget it. I will get over him. I will. I tell myself that every day. lol I am determined. I won't take crumbs.

[not_a_happy_camper]

Camper...my ex did the same to me. The first few months after he dumped me, we didnt' talk. I was so hurt. Then he came by my house a few times. Just showed up wanting to talk. He had that sad, puppy dog look as well. It got to me too.

 

I wanted him back too. But he still wasn't ready to make any concessions and still blamed me for having to break up wtih me.

 

i feel like i AM you! i know this is exactly what would happen if i went back to him. everything on his terms. but i wouldn't accept that anyway. not anymore. i can't believe that mentality! blameless and irresponsible.................reflected in many more areas of his life than just this relationship. he has a lot of things to sort out, and seems to be going nowhere fast about it! even though i tried so hard to encourage him.

 

lol Becasue I wasn't happy with him running around with his buddies all the time. He thought i wasn't patient enough. He still feels this way. He just wrote me a month ago telling me he was such a good boyfriend and if i'd only been more patient, he would have figured out how to be in a relationship.

 

after three years he doesn't know how? and he's in his 30's?! also his own impression of himself is a tad skewed! sounds just like my ex! i think that in exuding that level of self assuredness, that's how they attract women. that kills me, i know my ex is bordering on cocky. except i saw the other side of that. and i know how many girls flock to him all the time. i'm sure he hasn't wasted time availing of these opportunities since the break. that hurts. although all i can think of when i think that is how he cried on the phone to me the week before the break, and i heard about him crying at that party..............surely i meant something to him?

 

This guy is in his mid-30s. I had more mature relationships when I was in my teens. If you love someone, you put them first. It's not somethign to figure otu. These guys are selfish.

 

this is my first and only experience of a relationship and i'm scared of what lies ahead. i'm fine on my own i know that. i'm just worried that i'll end up in a similar relationship or something worse!

 

I know how you feel. I miss mine terribly. I want him back. I want him to wake up one day and realize what an idiot he is. I want him to change and grow up. But he's not going to.

 

So I have to protect myself. I have to stop kidding myself, as much as it hurts. I know it hurts. But if you go to him now, he will think he is fine and doesn't need to change. And he won't.

 

I think sometimes people have to lose something to realize how much it meant to them. And if losing them doesn't make them figure it out, then they were never going to. You can't settle for crumbs. You just can't.

 

I know it hurts. I do. I did the same. I told my ex in one of my emails that I'll always care about him immensely. Then he wrote back sending me a hug and kisses, etc. And I ignored it. I've ignored it since. I just realized I was in a bad situation and going down a bad path to be hurt further. And if I didn't step back, I was going to get even further hurt.

 

You cannot accept crumbs. The ball is in your ex's court. He needs to grow up and be a man. And if he does, he will come to you. Until then, ignore his puppy dog stares, etc. They are a symptom of his immaturity. A real man wouldn't do that.

 

we don't live in the same place at least so no trouble ignoring. because i don't see him at all. haven't seen him since two weeks before christmas when he blanked me. no puppy dog stares that time! i know he was home this weekend for the anniversary. i'm glad i didn't run into him. after the stress of messaging alone, it's probably wise to avoid. i'll be moving further away soon anyway. he knows that. i don't think he'll ever come back. that would require too much effort.