My painful, awful, sad experience

[nature]

Absolutely Bubblegum. He was trying to look for reasons to justify breaking it off. And I told him as such. The funny thing is, when I ran into my ex-ex in the summer, my ex and I had already been broken up for 3 months. I only told him about it, because he had stopped by my house the day after I'd run into my ex-ex. Still at the time he'd not acted angry. Then 5 months later he sends me an email from mexico bringing up me talking to my ex-ex. Insane.

[nature]

Island Girl...yes, he was mad. I was shocked, to say the least. My ex-ex is 5 yrs younger than me. And yes, he wanted me back. As I said, he was devestated when I broke up with him, and went on a first date with my recent ex, my ex-ex found me and tried to break up our date. It was sad.

 

Anyhow, I had run into this ex-ex in the summer one night. Hadn't seen him in a few yrs. My current ex happened to stop by my house the next day to sit and blah, blah, blah about how he's so confused and thinks he's scared of commitment and knows he has issues, etc. I just happened to get into talking about my night before, and casually said, "oh my gosh, I ran into ex-ex and we chatted for about a minute". That's all i said.

 

Well 5 months later from Mex he writes me an email angry at me for talkign to ex-ex in the summer. Insane.

[not_a_happy_camper]

oh for god's sake!!! was he controlling too by any chance?!

[bubblegum]

oh for god's sake!!! was he controlling too by any chance?!

 

Ha I'll bet he was! Just like my ex! Geez are all these guys long lost brothers or something?

[Island Girl]

Island Girl...yes, he was mad. I was shocked, to say the least. My ex-ex is 5 yrs younger than me. And yes, he wanted me back. As I said, he was devestated when I broke up with him, and went on a first date with my recent ex, my ex-ex found me and tried to break up our date. It was sad.

 

Wow. I had the same thing happen a few times. I wasn't sad. I was mad. Just shows how special you are that you felt for him. In my cases I was much younger than you are - or were - and I was very callous with the exes.

 

Anyhow, I had run into this ex-ex in the summer one night. Hadn't seen him in a few yrs. My current ex happened to stop by my house the next day to sit and blah, blah, blah about how he's so confused and thinks he's scared of commitment and knows he has issues, etc. I just happened to get into talking about my night before, and casually said, "oh my gosh, I ran into ex-ex and we chatted for about a minute". That's all i said.

 

OK. Well if it were me I would have said that knowing I would push his buttons. You didn't? Really?

Especially knowing he was doing his own song and dance -- you didn't know that little bit of info would kick him in the nuts so to speak? heh heh heh.

 

He just showed you how irreplaceable he really does know you are. Ammo.

What I mean by that is that is what you have to remind yourself when you think he is all happy and having a blast down there in Mex. It isn't all fun and games for him.

And there is ammo for when he comes crawling back and wants to "talk". At that point you may not want to try. But in the event that you ever do -- that is ammo for you to remember to stick to your guns about how you are treated.

 

In fact that goes in the arsenal to deal with ANY applicants.

 

Hope that little rambling makes sense...

 

Well 5 months later from Mex he writes me an email angry at me for talkign to ex-ex in the summer. Insane.

 

Yup! Still stewing about it. Still going through his brain that the previous guy stayed stuck and there is probably no hope for him to get unstuck. heh heh heh

Writhe in the pit of discontentment you created, you jerk! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

 

yeah I can be really evil...

[nature]

Island Girl...no, I honestly hadn't brought up running into my ex-ex to try and upset my recent ex. Because i honestly thought my recent ex didnt' give a sh*t. And because i'd obviously chosen my recent ex over ex-ex when ex-ex had tried to get me back a few yrs ago. I just told him about it because my recent ex and I had been best friends the last 4 yrs. So I just told him about it as I would tell one of my girlfriends. I honestly didn't thiink he gave a sh*t. He never acted like he cared and he'd never, ever shown me jealousy. Never once in the whole time we dated. I figured he was the most non-jealous person.

 

And when my recent ex had broken up with me in May, he'd told me to date other guys and that I deserved better. Blah, blah, blah. I'd been so upset when he told me that. I felt like he cared so little for me that he actually wanted me to date other guys. I thought, holy, he is so over me that it would make him happy to see me with someone else. It stung.

 

When we talked once in the fall, I mentioned to him how he wanted me to date other guys. And in an angry tone he said, "of course I didn't want you to date other guys and don't want you dating other guys. Of course the thought of that bothers me. but I wasn't making you happy, so I figured, go find some guy who will."

 

He messed with my head, to say the least. But then from Mex, suddenly he brings up the fact that I'd talked to my ex-ex in the summer. He was steaming mad about it. I was seriously shocked, because it had honestly been no big deal, and I'd honestly always said, "argh, I don't know why I dated that guy, etc". We'd honestly kind of laughed about ex-ex before togehter, as mean as that sounds.

 

So I never in a million yrs thought he would be bothered about me talking to him. And I still can't figure out how he could be bothered by it, while he was the one off in Mex for 4 months living the high life.

 

I think he was controlling...in the fact that he wanted things his way or the hwy. If I wouldn't accept him running around with his friends 4 nights a week, then I got the boot. He wasn't willing to make concessions. As you said, he wanted me to just put up with it until HE tired of it. If and when he ever did. Obviously I wasn't going to put up with being treated like a doormat, so I started to get mad. We started to fight. So I got dumped. lol

 

And still...he is the one off partying away in Mex or whatever. I am the one who has tried to get on with my life. I am not questioning him or getting angry at him. I am leaving him alone. I am trying to move on.

 

You are right. Partying does get old eventually. I partied my arse off at university while in my 20s. Had the best time and the best trips with girlfriends, etc. But the trips I took with my ex the last 4 yrs were better than any party trips I took with girlfriends. It just doesn't compare. Travelling with someone you love, to travelling with party buddies. In my eyes it doesn't compare. But I guess that's because I grew out of it. whereas he hasn't.

[Island Girl]

Island Girl...no, I honestly hadn't brought up running into my ex-ex to try and upset my recent ex. Because i honestly thought my recent ex didnt' give a sh*t. And because i'd obviously chosen my recent ex over ex-ex when ex-ex had tried to get me back a few yrs ago. I just told him about it because my recent ex and I had been best friends the last 4 yrs. So I just told him about it as I would tell one of my girlfriends. I honestly didn't thiink he gave a sh*t. He never acted like he cared and he'd never, ever shown me jealousy. Never once in the whole time we dated. I figured he was the most non-jealous person.

 

Not non-jealous. Just with someone who didn't push his buttons.

 

And when my recent ex had broken up with me in May, he'd told me to date other guys and that I deserved better. Blah, blah, blah. I'd been so upset when he told me that. I felt like he cared so little for me that he actually wanted me to date other guys. I thought, holy, he is so over me that it would make him happy to see me with someone else. It stung.

 

He said that wanting YOU to say "oh I couldn't date anyone else and be happy because no one would be like you" so he could feel even more secure that you wouldn't go anywhere - or if you did - you'd be there when he came back.

 

When we talked once in the fall, I mentioned to him how he wanted me to date other guys. And in an angry tone he said, "of course I didn't want you to date other guys and don't want you dating other guys. Of course the thought of that bothers me. but I wasn't making you happy, so I figured, go find some guy who will."

 

Again because what he was saying WASN'T what he meant. I have a feeling you always took this guy at face value instead of reading between the lines.

 

In this comment he again wanted you to verify that you are stuck like glue and feel he is the one and only as far as you are concerned.

 

He messed with my head, to say the least. But then from Mex, suddenly he brings up the fact that I'd talked to my ex-ex in the summer. He was steaming mad about it. I was seriously shocked, because it had honestly been no big deal, and I'd honestly always said, "argh, I don't know why I dated that guy, etc". We'd honestly kind of laughed about ex-ex before togehter, as mean as that sounds.

 

He laughed when he felt more secure but when there were problems it wasn't so funny. You dated him before and he didn't treat you like crap. This guy was. So he was feeling a bit more vulnerable and weak.

 

He wasn't willing to change his behavior but he still wanted affirmations from you that you were devoted.

 

Bad communicator. Bad boyfriend.

 

So I never in a million yrs thought he would be bothered about me talking to him. And I still can't figure out how he could be bothered by it, while he was the one off in Mex for 4 months living the high life.

 

Because you are running through his mind constantly. at the most inconvenient times -- if he sees a woman laughing with her SO and having a great time he does, etc.

You are around and you don't even need to be.

 

But he also is trying to relive his crazy party youth. What a confused pathetic boy-man.

 

I think he was controlling...in the fact that he wanted things his way or the hwy. If I wouldn't accept him running around with his friends 4 nights a week, then I got the boot. He wasn't willing to make concessions. As you said, he wanted me to just put up with it until HE tired of it. If and when he ever did. Obviously I wasn't going to put up with being treated like a doormat, so I started to get mad. We started to fight. So I got dumped. lol

 

He fears being whipped. That is what he is so afraid of. That is why he is partying it up trying to stay young and not "tied down". He is getting plenty of support from his buddies right now too. But real life will come calling eventually.

 

Do any of these losers have children?!! If so I feel very sorry for them. What terrific male role models, huh?

 

And still...he is the one off partying away in Mex or whatever. I am the one who has tried to get on with my life. I am not questioning him or getting angry at him. I am leaving him alone. I am trying to move on.

 

That is what is best. NC. He is going to try - and then when he gets back he'll try again. It is just about guaranteed. You just have to decide what you are going to do if or when that happens.

 

You are right. Partying does get old eventually. I partied my arse off at university while in my 20s. Had the best time and the best trips with girlfriends, etc. But the trips I took with my ex the last 4 yrs were better than any party trips I took with girlfriends. It just doesn't compare. Travelling with someone you love, to travelling with party buddies. In my eyes it doesn't compare. But I guess that's because I grew out of it. whereas he hasn't.

 

It is a different kind of fun isn't it? And right now he thinks he is being there for his buddies. That they need moral support because of their relationships ending, etc.

 

He didn't put you first. That is screwed. He put his friends first - probably because of "how long they've been friends" etc. Bullsh*t.

[nature]

Not non-jealous. Just with someone who didn't push his buttons. Wow, i never thought about it that way. But you are right. I was always respectful, because I hate games in relationships. And I've always believed if you are wanting to play the stupid games and flirt with other people, then leave the relationship. So he never had reason to feel jealous. I'm a pretty straight up person, and also have alot of self-respect.

 

He said that wanting YOU to say "oh I couldn't date anyone else and be happy because no one would be like you" so he could feel even more secure that you wouldn't go anywhere - or if you did - you'd be there when he came back. He did? Holy crap, I really was out to lunch. I honestly believed he meant it, because I would never say that to someone unless i meant it. Oh my gawd, well I certainly didn't give him the answer he was looking for when he told me to date other guys. I told him, "Thanks for the hot tip, but i don't need dating advice from my ex. I've managed to figure out how to date guys the last 20 years, so I'm sure i can figure it out again" Probably not what he wanted to hear.

Again because what he was saying WASN'T what he meant. I have a feeling you always took this guy at face value instead of reading between the lines. You are so right. I took his word at face value. Because I always speak my word at face value. I took everything he said seriously. I had no idea he was sending me a mixed msg??

 

In this comment he again wanted you to verify that you are stuck like glue and feel he is the one and only as far as you are concerned. Why would he think I would say that to him when he had just dumped me? I have a little more self-respect than that. Holy cow, this is honestly what he wanted me to say? I thought he was trying to get rid of me and that's why he dumped me. No wonder I've been so bloody confused.

 

He laughed when he felt more secure but when there were problems it wasn't so funny. You dated him before and he didn't treat you like crap. This guy was. So he was feeling a bit more vulnerable and weak. Really? He pretended he didn't think he treated me like crap. He wrote me how he thought he was a good boyfriend and "thinks he gave it a pretty good shot" and quote, "didn't I remember all the times he asked me to be patient. That one day he would figure out what it took to be in a relationship. That he didn't know better. But he tried". I called his bluff on that, and said "BS".

 

He wasn't willing to change his behavior but he still wanted affirmations from you that you were devoted. He did? Even after he'd dumped me? He wanted me to be devoted to him still, even though he'd broken up with me? That's insane.

 

Because you are running through his mind constantly. at the most inconvenient times -- if he sees a woman laughing with her SO and having a great time he does, etc.

You are around and you don't even need to be. I am? Really? I figured I was so far in the dust and that's why he ran off to Mex. Because he cared so little for me and for the relationship we had had. I figure I'm the last thing on his mind. Gawd, how confusing.

 

But he also is trying to relive his crazy party youth. What a confused pathetic boy-man. No kidding!!!

He fears being whipped. That is what he is so afraid of. That is why he is partying it up trying to stay young and not "tied down". He is getting plenty of support from his buddies right now too. But real life will come calling eventually. Oh my gosh, you are so right. He fears what all his friends will think. That he'll let them down. Now they are all single, so he feels he must go along with them all. How pathetic is right.

 

Do any of these losers have children?!! If so I feel very sorry for them. What terrific male role models, huh? Some of his loser friends have children. But the loser friends with him in Mex do not. And it's no doubt their marriages didn't last. I told my ex that. I said, "well no **** their marriages broke up. Look how these guys live and act." It's not rocket science.

 

It is a different kind of fun isn't it? And right now he thinks he is being there for his buddies. That they need moral support because of their relationships ending, etc. How pathetic. So in being their for his buddies he sacrifices his own relationship. It sounds like 19 yr old ****. And you are right. These guys will hook up wtih new woman and move on at some point. They are just all at a high point right now because suddenly all of them are single again. And it hadn't been like that for years. Yippee yahoo boys!!! lol

 

He didn't put you first. That is screwed. He put his friends first - probably because of "how long they've been friends" etc. Bullsh*t. Totally. They've been friends for over 20 yrs. Therefore, they come first. Pathetic.

[Island Girl]

I hope you understand -I didn't give you the other side of his words so you would tell him what he wants to hear.

 

I don't think you will -- but I thought I should clarify.

 

I explained that so you could see that he talks out both sides of his mouth. He is extremely insecure.

 

He knows he wasn't a great boyfriend in the end. He is smart enough to know promises don't cut it. Empty words just to keep you on the string while he could relive his glory days with his newly single buddies. He is an idiot.

 

He sacrificed something real for something fleeting.

 

His words convey that he KNOWS what the right thing to do would be. HE just didn't have the fortitude to do it.

 

His friends coming back into his life was his pleasant surprise. I have a feeling he watched them all get married with regret. That the group was breaking up. Oh so sad when people grow up, isn't it? And he always missed his posse and thought about how great it had all been before. He also sees himself as such a dedicated friend -- a true "brother" -- friends til the end. He is really immature and has his values completely screwed up.

 

Your response to him wanting you to date other guys was completely appropriate. It is the truth and you did not need to be playing into his stupidity. Just because he wanted to hear you were going to be around and wait for him to pull his head out doesn't mean that is what was best for you. It wasn't.

 

It was in your best interest to let him know the empty words don't cut it, that you deserve better, and he wasn't going to step up to the plate then so be it you'll find a real man that will.

[nature]

Thank you Island Girl! I don't tell anyone what they want to hear...I speak form the heart. I don't like games being played on me to try to stroke his ego simply because he's insecure. It's unfortunate that his insecure little game back fired on him. I didn't play into it, because in all sincerity, I didn't even know he was playing it. Thank you for opening my eyes. It makes it almost amusing to me, yet sad. Sad that a man of his age would play such trivial games to try to look for validation from me. Grow up and treat me with respect, and he'd have had all the validation he needed. Instead, he behaved like an idiot, broke up with me, and I kept going.

 

Maybe one day he'll look back on it and have learned a lesson. Like you said, he gave up something very meaningful, for something so fleeting.....group of buddies drinking and partying together. Nice!

[nature]

OMG...I just heard thru the grapevine that two more of his buddies have headed down to Mexico to join him. WTF? After he writes me this "pathetic, deep, soulful" letter saying he's going off to Mex, by himself for 3 months to figure out his life, that he knows he's been spinning his wheels the last few yrs, making bad choices in his life, etc. Then writes me from Mex how he's just living this peaceful existance there by himself and it feels so good to be away from everything and everyone and all the usual BS of his friends. Bleck.

 

then I find out right around that letter (wk before Xmas) that 4 of his buddies are flying down there to meet him for 6 wks. Never replied back to him and never said a word to him after receiving that letter. Ignored his "sending me a hug", missing me, blah blah. He probably still thinks I think he's off living this soulful, peaceful existance. Now I hear that 2 more of his buddies are flying down to be with them all.

 

That is 6 buddies joining him for 8 wks of his 11 week "soulful, finding himself" trip. F*ckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk Who is this guy kidding? He is almost 40 yrs old. We ended up fighting all the time because all his old friends were getting divorced, coming out of the wood work, and he started more and more running around with them, putting me on the back burner. More and more I got taken for granted, I'd get angry, so he dumped me.

 

Gawd it hurts. Gawd. Hurts that he was still trying to pull the wool over my eyes...ever from Mex. What almost 40 yr old runs off to Mex for 11 wks with a bunch of buddies? Am I insane here, or is this unusual behaviour?

[kizik]

OMG...I just heard thru the grapevine that two more of his buddies have headed down to Mexico to join him. WTF?...What almost 40 yr old runs off to Mex for 11 wks with a bunch of buddies? Am I insane here, or is this unusual behaviour?

 

Nature,

 

can you do yourself a favor and stop listening to the grapevine? Right now, any info on him can and will hurt you. Yes, it's unusual behavior, but b/c you have decided to not be in this R anymore - it's not your business. His choices and trips are not yours to worry about. If you think about this, it is quite a relief.

 

So PLEASE do not ask about him, or allow anyone to tell you about him. EVER AGAIN.

[nature]

Oh Kizik, I agree. I don't ask about him. I removed he and all his friends off my Facebook acct when he broke up with me in May. But I do know alot of the same people, being that we were together for almost 4 yrs. And I do not ask about him. If anything, I try my hardest not to ask about him. I had just had a friend phone me and we were shooting the sh*t, and then she starts laughing, and says "OMG, now so and so are heading down to Mex too". She thinks they're all children, so she threw it out there at me.

 

I know it is none of my business. That is why I have not responded to his emails or contacted him, or said anything nasty to him or anyone else about it. It is exactly his business. It just stings, because him running around with his friends more and more and more was the reason we split. And he kept denying his behaviour was a problem, and basically, we started fighting and I got the boot. It just hurt because he had proposed to me, we were to be married, had made all these plans, but then he clearly wasn't ready for what he thought he had been.

 

It just hurts that he wrote me a bunch of emails for the first few wks when he got to Mex telling me he had gone off to find himself and change his life, and he felt so good to get away from all the sh*t and his friends here. I never responded to his msg's.

 

It just hurt that he wrote me those, when I hadn't asked him to write me, and was minding my own business. Why did he feel the need to write those to me, and basically lie to me. That's why it hurts now, hearing that his trip is not about himself. It's a big party trip with his buddies. So why, if we'd been broken up for 6 months when he left for Mex, did he write me these letters from there. Telling me he misses me, sending me hugs, etc. That's what hurts.

[kizik]

No more wool. No more eyes. There is no more you and him. Accepting this and the sadness within it, also means accepting that you do not have to stress, cry, fret, worry, and be hurt by this jerk anymore. He is nothing to you anymore (or should be). I feel for you, very much. Now you have to start doing your part.

 

No more contact - good job with that so far. No more caring what he does. Eventually you'll laugh at yourself for thinking about this man-child, when so many MEN are out there who could also be great for you.

 

You will be fine, provided you take more charge of your recovery.

[nature]

Thanks Kizic. Believe me, I have been trying. Taking charge. Wouldn't go back to him when he came to me several times in the summer. Told him then that he was right to end things with us, because neither of us were happy, and if he hadn't ended it, I would have. I've done my best to go NC.

 

And you are right. I don't need to freak and cry anymore. I did that back in June, July, August. To friends, my family. Cried my eyes out. Accepted it was over.

 

I guess it just amazes me that someone can send me blatant BS emails describing his "trip" as something completely diffrent than what it is. And why he decided to send these emails to me, I have no idea. I told him in the summer that what he did was none of my business anymore, and he can run around with his friends until the cows come home. And I haven't reacted to him about it since.

 

I just don't get why this guy still feels the need to justify his choices to me? When we've been split for this long. And why he felt the need to sound all soulful, sending me hugs, saying, "If you were here, I know you'd love this and that, etc". Hurts, because the last 3 winters, it was he and I away together on a trip. And this trip to Mex was something we were supposed to do together this year. That's why it hurts.

 

I guess I'm trying to understand his brain, but there is no understanding it. For a long time I stopped trying to understand it. But when i got these emails from him from Mex, it confused me. I am soooooooo freaking thankful I have been doing NC. Thank gawd for NC.

[bubblegum]

I just don't get why this guy still feels the need to justify his choices to me? When we've been split for this long. And why he felt the need to sound all soulful, sending me hugs, saying, "If you were here, I know you'd love this and that, etc". Hurts, because the last 3 winters, it was he and I away together on a trip. And this trip to Mex was something we were supposed to do together this year. That's why it hurts.

 

I guess I'm trying to understand his brain, but there is no understanding it. For a long time I stopped trying to understand it. But when i got these emails from him from Mex, it confused me. I am soooooooo freaking thankful I have been doing NC. Thank gawd for NC.

 

Hey, it's all good! He feels the need to justify his choices to you because he knows it's what you want to hear. He's lying to you and to himself. We all see that he's a child. You represented his mommy to him, so he tried to act like he was being a good boy (taking time for himself to grow and mature) when he was really sneaking around behind mommy's back playing with his buddies (as children do). He was testing the limits his mommy placed on him (as children do). Guess what? He hit the limit and now you are no longer there. Not as a friend, not as a gf, and especially not as a mommy.

 

You did and are doing the absolute right thing by going NC. Excellent. He's too busy with his playmates to have much outward concern at the moment. He will when he gets back. Be prepared. Do not engage. Let him writhe around without mommy's approval.

 

I know you won't engage, I can tell by all your posts.

 

Kizik's right, don't seek out any info on him, which it sounds like you're doing ( I mean that it sounds like you are definately not seeking anything out). If you hear anything out of the blue again, guaranteed it'll just confirm what you already know, just like this last little tidbit about his 2 lame-ass playmates joining the rest of their playgroup in Mexico.

 

So use any and all incoming info as confirmation of what you already know. Lessen the sting by remembering that since he's a 40 year old child he has decades of experience at deceiving his mommy, and the deception is not about you, it's about him.

[nature]

Bubblegum, thanks so much!! Your reply actually made me laugh!!! lol

 

Hey, it's all good! He feels the need to justify his choices to you because he knows it's what you want to hear. He's lying to you and to himself. We all see that he's a child.

Funny! I just think it's funny that even tho we haven't been together for months, he still feels the need to justify his behaviour to me? We are broken up. Not a couple anymore. Haven't been since May. I told him in the summer that i honestly don't care what he does anymore. That it is his business. Our lifestyles are just not conducive to one another. Yet he still feels the need to out of the blue write me this crap.

 

You represented his mommy to him, so he tried to act like he was being a good boy (taking time for himself to grow and mature) when he was really sneaking around behind mommy's back playing with his buddies (as children do).

Maybe I did represent a mommy to him. lol But didn't my mommy role end when he broke up with me in May? He made it clear then that play time with his "boys" was more important to him than our relationship. I was super pissed. So he broke up with me. He made his choice then, so freaking deal with it and stop trying to tell "mommy" he's being a good boy, when "mommy" hasn't been his mommy now since May. lol

 

He was testing the limits his mommy placed on him (as children do). Guess what? He hit the limit and now you are no longer there. Not as a friend, not as a gf, and especially not as a mommy.

He was still testing his limits? Even months after he broke up with me? That's what makes no sense. When you aren't a couple anymore, you really don't need to answer to each other. So why would he think I cared? (actually, I do! lol Obviously!) But I've acted like I don't! Believe me, it's been a hard act to carry out!!! lol But I've mustered up my strength and been so freaking strong and not given in.

 

You did and are doing the absolute right thing by going NC. Excellent. He's too busy with his playmates to have much outward concern at the moment. He will when he gets back. Be prepared. Do not engage. Let him writhe around without mommy's approval.

Playmates! lol It honestly sounds like a bunch of tweens off at summer camp. It's shocking! After being together nearly 4 yrs, travelling together and going on trips together, being engaged, looking at houses to buy, planning our future...and this is what he throws that all away for and ends up doing. You seriously have no idea how freaking shocking it is. I can just picture them all down there feeling cooler than sh*t. While I suffer back here in the cold, working! lol (Just a moment of self-pity!!) It feels like the twilight zone to me. lol

 

If you hear anything out of the blue again, guaranteed it'll just confirm what you already know, just like this last little tidbit about his 2 lame-ass playmates joining the rest of their playgroup in Mexico.

Oh believe me, in some weird ways it feels good to hear the tidbits. It justifies the fact that I was right! And he was full of sh*t! lol In one of his "soulful" emails from Mex (the first few wks he was there, before his playmates started arriving) he wrote me this long, long letter going on about how he had tried so hard to be the best boyfriend/fiance to me, and it was all so new to him because he had never felt that way about anyone, blah blah, and if I had only been patient with him, and given him more time, he would have figured out what it took to be in a relationship, blah blah, and how he's never felt this way about anyone, and that he has the fondest memories of our time together, more than I'll ever knowwww...blah blah blah And how he still feels so close to me even tho we're not together right now, etc. Blah, blah blahhhhhhhh

 

So use any and all incoming info as confirmation of what you already know. Lessen the sting by remembering that since he's a 40 year old child he has decades of experience at deceiving his mommy, and the deception is not about you, it's about him.

You are so right! And when he dumped me in May out of frustration about being town between his playmates and me, I said the exact same thing to him. He kept trying to justify it all, and that I should accept it and that he doesn't mean to hurt me when he runs around with them 4 and 5 nights out of every week, goes off on party weekends with them without inviting me, etc. I was freaking angry at that point and told him he was delusional and the only person he was fooling with his BS was himself.

 

I told him he had been so used to playing off his mom and dad since he was an only child of divorce, that he had accustomed himself to being a selfish, spoiled, manipulative little child. Boy was he angry!!! lol But so was I, so I didn't give a sh*t. I was fuming in May that he had 360'd back to youth with all his newly divorced old buddies coming out of the woodwork. And that he threw me away for them. Talk about insulting. And even more of an insult that he thought i should just stick around and be treated like a doormat. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! lol