My painful, awful, sad experience

[nature]

My ex of 3 yrs broke up with me 8 months ago. We were fighting constantly over the fact I'm new to this town last few yrs, while he has lived here always. He has a huge (and I mean huge) social group who have been friends since highschool and their whole adult yrs.

 

I love friends. But his are such a part of his life that I felt like i was dating 20 guys, rather than one. He told me constantly he felt torn between me and his friends. I never wanted him to have to choose. Just wanted to feel as important to his life as his friends. but more and more we'd fight because he'd blow me off for some big party weekend with his guy friends, etc. He saw most of his friends at least 4 nights a wk. he kept telling me to be patient. He would grow up one of these days. telling me we need to move away so he can get away from them all. i'd say, we shouldn't have to move for you to be able to say no to them once in awhile and they should understand and be happy for you that you love me.

 

anyhow, we just started fighting. we are both stubborn. in our mid-30s. finally one day we were looking at moving in together, and he freaked out, turned red, had a huge anxiety attack, said he couldn't do it, and ended it. that was 8 months ago. we didn't talk for first 2 months. I was so hurt and angry. after that he came by my house to see me a few times. i was upset still but didn't beg for him back. told him it is what it is, it hurts because i think we could have figured things out if we'd both made compromises but that I accept the break up because I won‘t live my life playing second fiddle to a bunch of guys.”.

 

The last few months he's been emailing me weekly. Just trivial emails with no meat. i just answered very matter of factly, polite, but not lovey dovey. Beginning of Dec he decided to go away for a few months. to quote, "figure out his life, and try to figure out what to do because he‘s struggling". He took off to Mexico for 3 months. Gawd it stung for me, because last year we’d planned we were to do that trip together to Mex.

At first he started emailing me about our relationship and how he quote, "thinks he tried so hard to be a good boyfriend and how he kept asking me to be patient, but I just put too much pressure on him. That he still cares about me and feels very close to me still.". In one of my bitter moments, I just wrote him back and said "we need to agree to disagree. You think I wasn't patient enough. I think I was too patient, giving 3 yrs of my life to someone who wanted his cake and to eat it too. Me in your life as your girlfriend, while running around behaving and acting like your single".

 

I told him I didn't want to fight anymore. So he stopped talking about the relationship and started emailing me telling me all about Mex and the peaceful life he‘s living there and how good it feels to get away from everything.. Saying things like "he knows if I were there I'd love...blah blah". etc. He would write at the end, sending you a hug, and xoxo.

 

Never once did he mention that his big "finding himself" trip away for a few months, included some of his buddies coming down for 6 wks to be with him. they are the exact reason he wrote me that he was going away, to get away from everything and everyone and all the usual bullsh*t. but thru mutual friends I found out right before Xmas that 4 of his buddies went there to be with him for 6 wks. He doesn't know I know they are all down there. But I'd made a wise crack in one of our emials that i bet some of his buddies will go down, because the guys are so dependent on one antoher its insane. They can't go a day without all talking. They know everything about each others live, gossip, etc. I couldn't handle it. I haven't written him back since his xmas email becasue I knew all his buddies were going down. And it just made me think, "of course they are. the exact reason why our relationship didn't work out.." I'd had enough. it was too confusing. His last email was on Dec 20th telling me he hopes I'll have a nice Xmas, telling me all about things in Mex, sending me a hug, xoxo. I ignored it and haven't responded since.

 

Still, after 3 yrs together I was willing to stay and work on things. He was the one who ended it. He couldn't find the balance between havign a girlfriend and having this huge group of buddies. So as he wrote me, "he threw in the towel".

It stings. Is NC right of me?

[kizik]

I won‘t live my life playing second fiddle to a bunch of guys.”.

 

Well, good on you. It does seem like his priorities right now are with his large group of friends, which isn't necessarily a bad thing (unless you are trying to be in a relationship!). What it comes down to, nature, is that things aren't working for you as they are right now. You decided to take a stand, and as much as it hurts, you're doing the right thing, so...

 

Is NC right of me?

 

Yes, it is; to heal yourself, regain your thoughts, and to perhaps be shown how life is without him.

[Island Girl]

Still, after 3 yrs together I was willing to stay and work on things. He was the one who ended it. He couldn't find the balance between havign a girlfriend and having this huge group of buddies. So as he wrote me, "he threw in the towel".

It stings. Is NC right of me?

 

NC is absolutely right.

 

A man in his mid 30's who doesn't know how to make the woman in his life a priority never will.

 

You have spent three years investing in someone and it hurts that it is over but trust me it is better than wasting five years or ten years, etc.

 

You deserve better. Go completely NC and if he wonders why the change and shows up in front of you sometime just let him know the position of boyfriend open is you are very busy going about filling the position with someone who is qualified this time.

And NO you don't want him back.

[nature]

Thank you for the reassurance. It's so hard. I've never just outright ignored him like this. I didn't even respond to his Xmas email. I didn't wish him Merry Xmas or Happy New Year or anything. I know I haven't because it was just hurting me too much. But of course, I do wonder inside if I've done the right thing or if it's rude. Thank you.

[Island Girl]

But of course, I do wonder inside if I've done the right thing or if it's rude. Thank you.

 

It's rude to consistently put you last in his list of priorities.

 

It's rude of him to go out with his friends four times a week and leave you - his girlfriend who dedicated three years to the development of a relationship that was supposed to be going somewhere - at home alone.

 

It's rude that he shoved you aside when confronted again with the problem that he created and refused to address appropriately.

 

Ignoring him is what he gets. I have a feeling that you have routinely lowered your expectations with this guy. It is time for that to stop. Again you deserve better.

[nature]

Oh Island Girl, you are so right. I let him get away with too much. I was going thru health problems the 2nd yr into our relationship, so I didn't have the energy to fight him. Anytime I got upset, he was always good at talking his way out of it. And he would tell me to "PLEASE trust him. To be patient. Not to give up on him. That we are meant to be together. That he loves me. Wants his life with me." etc. I always caved.

 

I didn't say it because it still hurts. But we were engaged. He asked my father and did it the old fashioned way. It meant so much to me. But he threw in the towel, calling off the engagement as well, obviously.

 

I've tried to be so strong since. Not cave and not whine. I've told him I agree with the break up, and if he hadn't thrown in the towel, I would have. Probably not what he wanted to hear.

 

I just feel confused. Because he was writing me all those emails. It hurt.

Thank you tho for reassuring me.

[Island Girl]

Anytime I got upset, he was always good at talking his way out of it. And he would tell me to "PLEASE trust him. To be patient. Not to give up on him. That we are meant to be together. That he loves me. Wants his life with me." etc. I always caved.

 

Actions speak louder than words. If he tries this crap again - if he comes back to you to get you back - you really must stand firm on this.

 

He should have been set straight a long time ago when he first started to pull this. Be patient?!! Yeah right. While he gets to have whatever he wants - make all the decisions and have his fun - you are supposed to wait around for him?!! Absolute crap. Unbelievable.

 

I didn't say it because it still hurts. But we were engaged. He asked my father and did it the old fashioned way. It meant so much to me. But he threw in the towel, calling off the engagement as well, obviously.

 

I am glad you didn't marry him and become even more entrenched. Really. You weren't happy in the relationship, and you would not have been happy living together. Right now is painful but nothing compared to years more of this behavior but this time leaving you alone in your home together...just waiting and waiting for him.

Thank goodness you now have a chance for a whole relationship - not just scraps.

 

I've tried to be so strong since. Not cave and not whine. I've told him I agree with the break up, and if he hadn't thrown in the towel, I would have. Probably not what he wanted to hear.

 

Who cares what he wants to hear! There were plenty of things you wanted to hear! Like, "I am marrying you and you are the most important person in my life." or "I don't care about going out with my friends. You are more important." - most especially "I am building a life with you- they are just a small part of that."

 

He may not have wanted to hear it but he needed to. Although it didn't sink in to that thick immature head of his.

 

You needed to say it too however. So that is an accomplishment. You needed to say it for yourself so I am very happy you did.

 

I just feel confused. Because he was writing me all those emails. It hurt.

Thank you tho for reassuring me.

 

Of course it hurt. You cared. And everytime your inner self was telling you to break it off and be done you chose to believe in him instead. But you didn't do the wrong thing so don't kick yourself about it. Just realize you have a lot to offer and a huge heart to love with and now you need to find someone worthy of that.

[nature]

Oh, Island Girl, thank you. Your msg almost brought tears to my eyes. Honestly.

 

Gawd it's hard. Hard when you love someone so much, but they want their cake and to eat it too, and are not mature enough mentally or emotionally to sustain a healthy, adult relationship.

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

I've been sitting here tonight second guessing myself. I know I shouldn't, but I have been. So I won't anymore. Thank you.

[D-Lish]

What I want to know is what are all these 30 something guys doing galavanting around with one another 4 nights a week... Taking off to Mexico for 6 weeks at a time with their buddies. ??

 

Is this a guy you want to work on a relationship with? He is never going to get things together.

 

Keep up with the NC, it's the right thing to do. Guys like this don't stay away though. He'll be back- only to start the process all over again.

I hope you say no when he does.

[nature]

Too funny D-Lish...I used the word "galavanting" to him, to describe he and his buddies.

 

I fully agree with you. Most of these "buddies" of his have been married, and are all coming out of marriages, getting divorced, etc. They are quite disgraceful, if you ask me. Grow up. They are like a pack of 19 yr olds. Or trying to act like a pack of 19 yr olds. Trying to cling to their youth I guess?

 

Don't most adults go on a nice trip to the tropics for two weeks at the most, and feel they've had a wonderful vacation? lol

 

I don't get it either. That's why we're not together and I've put him on "ignore". To save my sanity.

[D-Lish]

Well, I must admit that I came out of a divorce at 32 and went a little silly for a time.

 

That does seem to be the age for divorce!!! At least the first one.

 

Your guy has never been married though right? Perhaps his perception is clouded by his friends experiences? Truly- if they are all divorced, all he is hearing is that love ends in misery and BS.

 

Has he been fearful of commitment his whole life?

[Island Girl]

Please do not second guess yourself. There really is no need. This relationship was one sided and should have ended long ago.

 

Unfortunately you weren't at a place mentally where you could. If you are going to spend time thinking about anything -- spend time thinking about that. And reinforce your self-esteem over and over again. You deserve big boosts of it. I wish it came in packages like ice cream and I could dish it out by the scoopful. You sooo deserve a big huge sundae of self-esteem. {{{hugs}}}

 

He is a total waste. A boy in a man's body who wants to stay eternally responsibility free with his "bros". No wonder all of them are or are getting divorced. And their "friends" don't even counsel them to FIX their relationships and make their wives -- the PARTNERS - number one in their lives! Great friends don't you think?

 

Schmucks. -- Yeah keep reliving 1992 dipsh*ts! Rock on!

Pathetic losers.

 

You really dodged a bullet. Can you imagine being one of those poor women actually married to one of them?!!! And now divorcing because the guy wants to remain a child?! That's gotta be devastating.

[nature]

D-Lish, you hit the nail on the head. That's exactly what has happened and he and I talked about it over and over. He was seeing all his friends coming out of marriages that ended nasty. And they were all badmouthing women, saying "dont' get married". Complaining and miserable. And we all know that misery loves company. They are like a pack. Total pack mentality. And he fell into it hanging out with all these newly divorced buddies he's known for years. I think that kind of misery and opinion is contagious. We are the company we keep, after all.

 

No my ex has never been married. But all his friends have. And my ex's parents seperated when he was 6, then got back together when he was 14, then seperated again when he was 18.

 

He has HUGE commitment issues. He is the definition of a commitment phobe.

 

But for me, it just stings that he'd rather hang out with a bunch of immature, negative, bitter guys than me! lol I can't understand it. lol Because when we were together we had so much fun, laughed all the time, loved doing all the same things, had intense passion. We had it all.

 

But his friends won out.

[D-Lish]

His friends haven't won out, but his fear has. His past dealing with his own parents, experiencing that heartache early on- growing up and seeing those notions reinforced.... In his 30's, he's a lost cause.

 

It's just super important for you not to make his inabilility to commit your issue. It's easy to internalize such an issue as your own, but it's not you.

 

In fact, there is little you could ever do for him.

 

There is something important you can do for yourself though. That is to say "no way".

[nature]

Island Girl & Delish..thanks so much! Gawd I feel better! Thank you!

 

Yes Delish..."no way" is right! I would never put up with a life full of that crap! And Island Girl you are right. I was goign thru a bad time health-wise so he got away with it for longer than he should have. But once i got strong, I set my boundaries. So what did he do? He broke up with me. lol Actually I shouldn't laugh, but for some reason I feel like laughing. lol

 

I guess i was just confused why he kept writing me after when he was the one who broke up with me. I gave him every opportunity to GROW UP and stop acting like a kid. He kept telling me to be patient, that he would, that he didn't want to live like that anymore. Hmmmm. Right!!!! He's been angry at me too. I don't know why. He's the one who dumped me? yet he's mad at me. Hmmm.

 

Island girl I love your words here....totally!! That's what I would say to him. You guys all wallow in each other's negativity and feed off one another. Nice friends. They see you happy with a woman you really love, so they do everything they can to help sabotage it, so you'll be "one of them" again. Oh well. Like Delish said...his fear won out.

He is a total waste. A boy in a man's body who wants to stay eternally responsibility free with his "bros". No wonder all of them are or are getting divorced. And their "friends" don't even counsel them to FIX their relationships and make their wives -- the PARTNERS - number one in their lives! Great friends don't you think?

[nature]

Ohhhhh bad day. Sad and miss him. But still doing NC. Argh.

[Island Girl]

Ohhhhh bad day. Sad and miss him. But still doing NC. Argh.

 

How the mind will play tricks on you. These bad days are often because of focusing on the "good" times and completely forgetting the very painful bad ones.

 

You should take this opportunity to sit down and write out the very bad experiences. Try to give as much detail about every single one that you can. I know there are plenty but when there are bad days in the future you will only have to read through a few of them to remember how much he hurt you. How little regard he had for you and your feelings. And how little he thought of trampling on such a HUGE gift as your love and utter devotion.

 

Then you will be filled with righteous indignation and remember how much you put aside to give him chance after chance when he is so obviously not worth it.

 

You will remember how easy the words came to him but how, when faced with the opportunity to prove his words to be true, he went the opposite way.

 

You will remember what an immature ass he is and that if you were still with him you'd be still feeling slighted and second best to all of his loser friends who just want to hang out and accomplish nothing.

 

And you will also remember that you are now free of such a tumor and moving forward to a new life with the possibility of getting a relationship you deserve.

 

The only thing a jerk does really well is keep you occupied so that a good man can't come into your life.

 

Remember that he is not special. That there are plenty of men out there who are immature losers and if you wanted one of those you could find plenty of them. I mean, between he and his friends, there are at least 8 right there!

 

What you want is the man who truly is special - who stands out from the others because of the way he treats YOU and the value he places on your relationship.

 

You deserve someone who is aware of what a great gift you are without prompting or reminding and treats you as such.

 

Please don't get down. What you are missing from your life are a few meaningless words from a fool and the idea that he is something he is not.

 

Even in the good times before - the ones you have spoken of - he wasn't his true self or he could not have done this to you...to the relationship.

 

Birds of a feather flock together. Think of the most horrible friend he has - the one you dislike the most - and just imagine the commonalities there. Yuck! Right?!

[nature]

Oh my gosh, Island Girl....THANK YOU!!!!! Oh how I needed this!!!! I was just going over in my head all the stupid things he did and the way he put me 2nd fiddle and figured I should accept it. Thank you!!!!!

 

I was just thinking about how this guy is in his late 30s, and he's run off to Mexico for 4 months to supposedly "figure himself out"....only for me to find out that four of his "buddies" were joining him there for 6 weeks. I was just thinking that that is what he wants to do. He says it isn't, but it is. Talk is cheap. That is where his mentality is.

 

I was just thinking about how we were supposed to go on that trip to Mex together this Xmas, because I'm a teacher and get a month off. And how he decided to dump me in the summer and then write me that he was going on the trip. I was just thinking about how ignorant that is. And how ignorant it was for him to try to write me and tell me that he was doing this trip on his own, as a "soulful finding himself trip"...only to find out he's full of sh*t and his buddies are going down there. His party buddies. The one's who are in their mid to late 30s, and still go to the bar 4 nights a week.

 

I was just thinking about how ignorant all of it is. How much he strung me along. Telling me he doesnt' want to live that life anymore, has outgrown it, to please have faith and trust in him, to please be patient. Barf.

 

It makes me sick. I have been stinging. Picturing him in Mex having the time of his life with all his buddies. partying away having the best time. Hooking up with tourist girls and just having no worries. While I am back at home hurting, and back to work now.

 

I picture him just so happy to be rid of me and so happy with not a care in the world. And it stings.

 

But Island Girl, you are right. That is not the kind of guy I want. And i've never been with a man like that before. The last 4 years, we went on trips together at Xmas. It was he and I going on tropical trips for weeks having the best time. but now it is back to him and his buddies together, like they were when they were in their 20s. Because all these buddies are just comign out of marriages and getting divorced. So he throws me to the curb to hang out with them again.

 

Wow it stings. But you are so right. These words you wrote are the best......The only thing a jerk does really well is keep you occupied so that a good man can't come into your life. So true. He just wanted to keep me in his life, but yet still wanted to run around iwth his buddies. He didn't want to lose me, but didn't want to lose his life with his buddies either. He wanted his cake and to eat it too.

 

Even all his letters from Mex. All sweet sounding. He was trying to string me along so that i'd be here for him when he gets back. Oh gawd, I'm so glad i have not responded and have gone in to NC.

 

Thank you!

[not_a_happy_camper]

nature, i think you are coping exceptionally well with this. the fact that you have made the decision not to respond to him took a lot of courage.

you are so much better off without him from what i read here. and you realise that too!

[not_a_happy_camper]

 

It makes me sick. I have been stinging. Picturing him in Mex having the time of his life with all his buddies. partying away having the best time. Hooking up with tourist girls and just having no worries. While I am back at home hurting, and back to work now.

 

I picture him just so happy to be rid of me and so happy with not a care in the world. And it stings.

 

 

 

this is one of the things that hurts me the most too. knowing what a good time he's having without me. i miss his friends, they were such good fun. they weren't all single, lot of them were couples actually. and work mates. and i know how much fun he'll be having, and i wish i was there with him having fun too. my friends aren't quite as fun loving as his!

 

how did we end up with people who treat us like this? we deserve so much better!

[nature]

It burns!!!!! It stings!!!! But I also have to think, if someone can have that much fun without me there and thinks I'll just be waiting in the wings like a doormat, then screw that!!! I won't be someone's fall back girl or security blanket. That is why NC. To protect myself.

 

It hurts though. Grrr it hurts!!! But as my girlfriend said to me...."parties and vacations end. he may be having fun now, but there will come a time when it ends. and you will not be waiting for him."

[Island Girl]

Oh my gosh, Island Girl....THANK YOU!!!!! Oh how I needed this!!!! I was just going over in my head all the stupid things he did and the way he put me 2nd fiddle and figured I should accept it. Thank you!!!!!

 

You are so very welcome. I am glad I could help. {{hugs}}

 

I was just thinking about how this guy is in his late 30s, and he's run off to Mexico for 4 months to supposedly "figure himself out"....only for me to find out that four of his "buddies" were joining him there for 6 weeks. I was just thinking that that is what he wants to do. He says it isn't, but it is. Talk is cheap. That is where his mentality is.

 

Oh what a winner. Giving such a lame speech about "finding himself"!! He is soooo lucky I wasn't right there to point out he could find himself very quickly by opening his high school yearbook seeing as how he hasn't changed at all! Blech!

 

I was just thinking about how we were supposed to go on that trip to Mex together this Xmas, because I'm a teacher and get a month off. And how he decided to dump me in the summer and then write me that he was going on the trip. I was just thinking about how ignorant that is. And how ignorant it was for him to try to write me and tell me that he was doing this trip on his own, as a "soulful finding himself trip"...only to find out he's full of sh*t and his buddies are going down there. His party buddies. The one's who are in their mid to late 30s, and still go to the bar 4 nights a week.

 

My brother used to go out to the bars before he got married. And there was this older group of guys - now late 40's early 50's - who still tried to "hang out". They met up and had the same stupid night over and over again. All of them going home alone at the end of it.

How pathetic. And what is worse is they had their heads so far up their behinds that they thought they were cool.

 

I was just thinking about how ignorant all of it is. How much he strung me along. Telling me he doesnt' want to live that life anymore, has outgrown it, to please have faith and trust in him, to please be patient. Barf.

 

Of course he did! He did not want to lose out on a good woman and he knew he found one - but at the same time he wanted you to sacrifice all of your wants and needs for his. He wanted to keep hold of you so that eventually - whenever that may be - possibly decades from now - he would not be alone in his old age.

 

So his buddies get all of the fun and you get the Depends afterward?!! Yeah right!! Find someone else to wipe your drool away and feed you baby food because you passed out so many times without brushing your teeth that they rotted out of your head idiot!

 

It makes me sick. I have been stinging. Picturing him in Mex having the time of his life with all his buddies. partying away having the best time. Hooking up with tourist girls and just having no worries. While I am back at home hurting, and back to work now.

 

It has been my experience that those tourist girls look at these older guys as free drink tickets and that's it. I mean that is how we saw them in my day! And if there are any women down there that are closer to the same age unfortunately they are usually desperate and not very high quality.

 

I picture him just so happy to be rid of me and so happy with not a care in the world. And it stings.

 

He isn't being his happy self that you see. He is being the drunk guys we knew in high school. Remember them? Yeah idiots. But we put up with them then because we didn't know any better and they were yound and smokin' hot.

 

He is now an aged drunk man saturating his liver and trying desperately to remain 19. It is pathetic and sad. It is NOT attractive to anyone with a brain. Those losers high-fiving each other and making even more of a mess of their shabby lives. Just gross.

 

But Island Girl, you are right. That is not the kind of guy I want. And i've never been with a man like that before. The last 4 years, we went on trips together at Xmas. It was he and I going on tropical trips for weeks having the best time. but now it is back to him and his buddies together, like they were when they were in their 20s. Because all these buddies are just comign out of marriages and getting divorced. So he throws me to the curb to hang out with them again.

 

But he still knew he should hold on to you. That you are a good woman -- but too good for him.

 

Wow it stings. But you are so right. These words you wrote are the best......The only thing a jerk does really well is keep you occupied so that a good man can't come into your life. So true. He just wanted to keep me in his life, but yet still wanted to run around iwth his buddies. He didn't want to lose me, but didn't want to lose his life with his buddies either. He wanted his cake and to eat it too.

 

You bet he did. Because he knew he would never find better than you. He knew you were a special one. So he tried to string you along all the while being completely unfair to you.

 

My husband is my King but only as long as he treats me like his Queen. If he doesn't he immediately becomes common and completely replaceable.

 

I told him once, "What makes you special to me is the way you treat me and the way I feel when I am with you. If you treat me badly you become just like any other guy. I can throw a rock and hit ten of those."

 

Even all his letters from Mex. All sweet sounding. He was trying to string me along so that i'd be here for him when he gets back. Oh gawd, I'm so glad i have not responded and have gone in to NC.

 

Thank you!

 

Keep in mind he can't be having that great of a time if he is taking the time to write you. You are rattling around in his head he is just so backwards that he can't put you first in his life. He refuses to make you a priority and he wants you to wait around until that "someday" when he finally decides to settle down. Although that day may never come or may come only because the other guys get married again and leave him to his own devices.

 

Like I said before - let someone else put his food in a blender and push his wheelchair! How sad that when he is finally ready to be an adult he will have missed out on what life really has to offer. Dumbass.

[nature]

Island Girl, you rock! Seriously!!! OMG have you made me feel better!!! Ohhhhhhhh thank you!!!! Seriously!!! You reminded me of how I feel about guys like that!!! lol

 

I remember when in my 20s, we would like at the packs of late 30-something yr olds and think, what a bunch of washed up losers!!! We liked the young hot guys who we still thought had potential to really do something with their lives!!!! The late 30-yr olds still hanging at the bar epitomized losers to us, and we figured they were done, has beens!!!! Thank youuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!

 

Oh thank you!!!!!

 

In some ways I think he was still punishing me...by going on the trip we were supposed to go on togehter. The fact he felt the need to write me and tell me he was going on it. He was still angry that I wouldn't accept his bafoon immature friends, and he running around hanging out with them 4 nights a wk. And I think he was angry that when he dumped me, I wouldn't beg for him back. I told him instead, "that it wasn't working and neither of us were happy. and that if he hadn't dumped me, i would have dumped him."

 

For some reason I think this guy is still mad at me. It's insane. In one of his emails when he first arrived in Mex at the beginning of Dec, he accused me of talking to my ex-ex from 4 yrs ago. I was like, "what?" I had run into this ex in the summer and talked to him for maybe a minute. I'd told my current ex about it and laughed about my ex-ex. Because when my current ex and I went out on our first date, my ex-ex had shown up and tried to break up our date and pledge his love to me. Sad story.

 

Anyhow, my current ex was apparently angry that I'd said hi to my ex-ex in the summer. However, he'd never told me he was angry about it or shown me he was angry, until he wrote me an email from Mex accusing me of talking to him. How bizarre is that. From a late 30-something year old man.

 

Argh, the insanity of it all. Thank you.

[bubblegum]

Anyhow, my current ex was apparently angry that I'd said hi to my ex-ex in the summer. However, he'd never told me he was angry about it or shown me he was angry, until he wrote me an email from Mex accusing me of talking to him. How bizarre is that. From a late 30-something year old man.

 

He's probably digging around his brain looking for things to justify breaking up with you. My ex is like that. Brings up weird, strange ooooolllldddd things that happened as if they are legitimate reasons to break off a relationship..."remember that time you were eating a banana and half of it fell on the floor? How could I be with someone who did something like that???!!!!" Uh.... ok!

 

And what you've said about his punishing you reminds me of my ex. I think they are punishing us for their own feelings of rejection, even though they did the rejecting themselves. Something like that anyway, my ex was good at twisting everything up and making it about himself. He can't deal with people being angry or more realistically, disappointed in him, so he tries to be angry first, to protect himself, I guess.

 

Does any of that ring true of your ex?

[Island Girl]

He's mad?! That is laughable.

 

Really.

 

He wants to be the guy who won't grow up who does hurtful things over and over to the one he claims to love and then he is angry at you?!! HA! For what?!

 

He was still thinking about that because he KNOWS that guy wanted you back and his mind (and possibly in reality) this guy would LEAP at the chance to get back together with you.

 

He knows what a catch you are and knows how easily you could replace a man in your life.

 

Now we both know that if we are choosy it is not so quickly done. But both of us know we can easily find those that are willing to apply for the position!

 

So does he. He wanted reassurances that he still had your heart and that you would not so quickly move on to greener pastures.

 

And yes he is one of those pathetic almost 40 year old losers trying to whoop it up all the while surrounded by those who are younger, better looking, and smarter (because younger and hotter always look potentially smarter don't they?).

 

He is in even a worse position because nowadays the older women who are still VERY attractive can be cougars and are drawn to the younger men as well.

 

What we see as attractive is not so to the younger set and sometimes the older set as well.

 

He's trying to relive glory days - and any man will tell you it may be fun for a while but it gets tiresome. Friends move on especially those who were married and are used to having a woman in their lives. 2nd marriages are EXTREMLY common for men. They are more likely to get remarried than women.

 

And so his friends will leave the group again one by one and he will be alone. Paunchy and even older without a fulfilling relationship.