TheRock Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I've been w\my GF for 2 1/2 yrs. It's been bumpy, but we have a gr8 tx 2gether and are somewhat romantic. She often says things like "I can't wait to wake up next 2 u every day", she just asked if I'd move away with her, has sex w\me, etc... This is often followed a day l8r by, "I don't know if I'm attracted to u (sexually)...then repeat scenario over n over n over... Today, I think we broke up. I don't know if it's definite, cause she left it open, again saying, "I luv u n want the best 4 U, but don't feel attracted sexually l8ly." We've thought it could be her pill, as her attitude changed since she changed it, but she refuses to acknowledge it. She says she doesn't want to hold me back from that (cause i've been complaining about it l8ly). Everytime we get close, she pulls away. I think she's scared to commit and uses these excuses to pull away. She admits when we're together, she has a gr8 tx and cuddles, kisses, etc. The HARD part is for her to commit to coming over. She chooses other excuses 1st, such as her friends, the weather, family, etc. She wanted to go out w\me 2nite to celebrate me buying a house to flip. Then she called me today and said her GF from work called with an extra ticket to a show. I said WE had plans (she does this a lot). She then went into the above spiel and I said, the only options are to stay together and work on it or go our separate ways. She said she wished things were different, but it's not like she can just flip a switch and have sexual feelings. I said maybe if she spent MORE tx w\me then her friends, things would come naturally. She said that's the prob, that she comes and feels she needs to run before things get sexual cause she doesn't want to hurt me by saying no. That's why she chooses to go out w\friends than me. She was upset and ended our conversation with, "Talk to u l8r". Are we done? I don't want to end this, so what should I do?
kizik Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Look, man - she's just not that into you. Let her go. She obviously feels tied down by you. If you let her do her thing without you, maybe it'll make her miss you. Whatever. More importantly, all this stress and anger and resentment will go away with the fact that things are working out as they should. This relationship doesn't need to end, necessarily, but it needs to take a step back so you two can breathe without the other.
kizik Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 The HARD part is for her to commit to coming over. She chooses other excuses 1st, such as her friends, the weather, family, etc. Wow. F*ck that and f*ck her. Moreover, what is up with you that being second, third, fourth best is OK with you? No way, dude. If you're not number one to your GF - you are a schmuck, and she doesn't respect you. You clearly do not respect yourself enough to VERBALIZE what you feel. She wanted to go out w\me 2nite to celebrate me buying a house to flip. Then she called me today and said her GF from work called with an extra ticket to a show. I said WE had plans (she does this a lot). She then went into the above spiel and I said, the only options are to stay together and work on it or go our separate ways.She said she wished things were different, but it's not like she can just flip a switch and have sexual feelings. I said maybe if she spent MORE tx w\me then her friends, things would come naturally. She said that's the prob, that she comes and feels she needs to run before things get sexual cause she doesn't want to hurt me by saying no. That's why she chooses to go out w\friends than me. She was upset and ended our conversation with, "Talk to u l8r". Are we done? I don't want to end this, so what should I do? Wait a second, what the hell does canceling plans w/ you have to do with her feeling sexual or not? Anyway, when a girl starts giving you a list of excuses why she won't f*ck you - ooh, it's so over. Add to the fact that she disses you over and over, and you take it. This, in and of itself, dictates the fact that neither of you have respect for YOU - TheRock. You're done, yes, and I want you to have the balls to admit it and move on in your life, without her.
trueblue72ny Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 you need to step back bro and let her come around on her own. easier said than done i know, but thats what it looks like to me if you want an outside perspective. in the meantime maybe you should go out and enjoy yourself a little, reconnect with some friends or meet a new girl and see whats up. i wouldnt sit around waiting by the phone. and if/when she does call or text, let it go into voicemail and get back to her in the next day or two. back off.
Author TheRock Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 Thx for the advice. She TRULY wanted things to work out and according to her, has been hoping she'd get the feelings back. She's a GREAT GF in everyother way, but the sex is VERY rare. When it happens, it's great as well. She's 31 and lives at home. She's in the process of buying a house. Her dad is very controlling and fears losing his daughter...even said it to her. So, everytime she and I would have plans to get together, he'd sabotage it and DEMAND that she be home for some ridiculous reason. If she fought it, she'd wind up hysterical and with a migraine and NO ONE would be happy. She tried to get an apartment, but her father talked her out of it by dangling $100k in front of her for a house. The times she finally got to come over, she didn't want to have sex most of the time, because she was hysterical from fighting w\daddy. All she wanted to do was rest and cuddle. This ALL started the minute SHE said "I LOVE YOU" to me and things heated up. She got so used to coming over and not having sex, and giving me the excuses from her dad that it became EASY to put me second rather than fight with him. In her words to me, in the past, she said...YOU (meaning me) don't have to come back home to face him. I do." I wanted her to move in, but she needs to get out on her own first for a few months. I'm backing off and am not going to call her till she calls me...and I hope she does. Where do I go from there when\if she calls?
nature Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 This girl is 31, living at home still, and using the excuse of her dad not to see you or not be into sex with you? I'm sorry, but she is stringing you along. You have slipped in to the "friend zone", Im sorry to say. She manages to go out with her friends and do a zillion other things. So she couldn't tell her dad she was going out with her friends, but come to you instead? This is insane. She's playing you. She likes the fact you are waiting there for her like a doormat. And she's using you for reassurance, not love. So sorry.
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 You're absolutely right. Go NC with her. She will call you in a day or two and ask "whats wrong"? She'll party till her clock runs out. She is not into commitment, and I bet she would cheat on you. You dodged a bullet on this one.
Author TheRock Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 She's actually a Wholesome girl and would never cheat. She has a lot of gr8 values and morals that she lives by. I've seen her dad treat her horribly and her friends refer to him as Hitler. When I first met my GF's sis-in-law, she warned me not to expect to be involved in family functions i.e. Spending Christmas w\my GF, Easter, etc. She informed me that SHE wasn't allowed to Christmas Dinner until she was engaged to my GF's bro. To me, that is a HUGE bonding time and her father uses it to control his family. Yes, I've become a "friend". Again, a lot was because of the dad. My GF would be excited to come over and have "fun" w\me. 90% of the time tho, when she finally got to my place, she was an emotional wreck from fighting w\her father, so she'd be in tears, have a massive migraine and just want to cuddle or go to sleep...no sex, no fun, no nothing! This went on for 1 1/2 yrs. I tried to be understanding, but my being nice about it did me in. If I said something about it, we'd start fighting, as she'd say I wasn't being understanding that she wasn't in the mood. I'm doing the No Contact thing, but it's killing me. Her dad humiliates her in front of people and has taken her self-esteem. One tx I dropped her off at home and her dad was outside. Very loudly, he said "What are the neighbors going to think?" referring to her staying over w\me. He's European and old school. I hope we can work this out, but I think she's at a point that it's easier to end "us" then keep hurting me cause of the dad. She even admits that her past relationships have broken up for this reason. She's getting a new house next month, so maybe things will change. Should I contact her in a week or two if I don't hear from her, as she might be waiting for ME to call her?
mladakota Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Well, if you want a female point of view, I'd say you deserve better. She may be great in 100 different ways, but guess what - there's someone out there that's great in 150 different ways, and won't make you second guess yourself, either. It's hard to end it when you can still see the good in someone, but appreciate the time you had together and move on. I agree, she doesn't sound like she's that into you, and there is someone out there for sure who will make you happier than she does. Also, I can't speak for her but when women are pretty self-sufficient and confident with their own lives (she doesn't seem to fit that description, but again, don't know her), they want a guy who is equally self-confident and happy with himself. If/when you decide to move on, work on finding the things YOU want in life that make you happy, and I wouldn't be surprised if by doing that, you find a woman who's got her act together AND wants to be with you. Good luck.
Recommended Posts