gerry1977 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I've been seeing a guy for about 3 months, and he has a few female friends and a hot female housemate which doesn't bother me. However recently he admitted to me that he addresses one female friend in texts/emails etc.. as 'hey gorgeous' xxxx and unfortunately i did see him texting a message which said hey gorgeous can i call you tomorrow xxx. this seems a little bit more than friendship doesn't it? when i asked him about her he says that they don't contact each other as much because 'SHE got a boyfriend' -(who cares that HE got a girlfriend???).... it's really bugging me....i don't want him to know that i saw his text - but it's just turned me right off a guy who i previously thought was just great...what's he playing at???
Island Girl Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 There is a young guy that I have become friends with (I am much older and married) who kind of does the same thing. It seems that it is just part of his personality and HE doesn't have a girlfriend. I am not sure if he would still do it if he did. But regardless - although it is cute and I understand his manor (he doesn't mean anything by it most definitely) it does make me feel uncomfortable because I know my husband would NOT appreciate it at all. I understand why you are bothered by it being the girlfriend and that these women are probably closer to your age. You should talk to him about it and just ask him how he'd feel if a guy was texting you and saying the same things. He porbably wouldn't like it. So tell him it is a two way street. In my case - well I mentioned to my friend that my husband wouldn't like those kinds comments or greetings. He stopped.
Author gerry1977 Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 thanks Island girl, i did ask him about it, and said would he mind if i texted my male friends like that and he said sure, because he trusts me...however i haven't asked him if he would mind THEM texting me the same way....he does get a bit bothered about my male friends in terms of lots of questions....so i will try that..
Trialbyfire Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 To flatter like that, is an inappropriate way to address a platonic friend. Your b/f needs to learn where relationship boundaries begin and end, including what's acceptable behaviour within it. People flatter for all kinds of reasons. Men flatter women because they're interested or are attempting to garnish interest, a form of ego stroking/personal validation.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 thanks Island girl, i did ask him about it, and said would he mind if i texted my male friends like that and he said sure, because he trusts me...however i haven't asked him if he would mind THEM texting me the same way....he does get a bit bothered about my male friends in terms of lots of questions....so i will try that.. Don't be hesitant to tell him how you feel. If he respects you, he will stop his behavior.
Island Girl Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 thanks Island girl, i did ask him about it, and said would he mind if i texted my male friends like that and he said sure, because he trusts me...however i haven't asked him if he would mind THEM texting me the same way....he does get a bit bothered about my male friends in terms of lots of questions....so i will try that.. Yeah -- ask him if you can tell your guy friends to go back to the way they were because they'd do the same thing but out of respect for him you'd asked them not to. His answer will tell you A LOT. If he gets a bit jealous and has a problem with it -- he is acknowledging why a guy usually addresses women that way. It is usually because they are attracted, etc. If he reacts that way you also can call him on projection - meaning he is getting upset because it is part of his intent as well... Then you have ebery reason to be PO'd and make a big deal of it.
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