dreamergrl Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 So, as an update to my recent post, I have decided to end it with my bf. It's been a back and forth of "I want to come out there" to "I don't want to come out there". It's been a bumpy ride this last week, and it's putting too much stress, in addition to what I already have, on my shoulders. To be honest, I've been telling him I'm not feeling real good about him moving out here, and he gets mad, then the next day apologizes and acts like he'll be out here soon. It's driving me nuts, because I feel guilty (not sure why), and it's like we keep going through this cycle.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 IF you're not happy in the R then the best thing TO DO is break up. The heartache will be there for the dumppee but short term unhappiness is better than dragging things out and building resentment between two people.
Tomcat33 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Aww Dreamgrl I am sorry to hear that, I feel for ya. I've been following your other thread. If you are not feeling it then why lead him on? Was this something you were feeling before you moved or did you decide it now suddenly once you moved? What was it that made the light bulb go off?
Author dreamergrl Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 Aww Dreamgrl I am sorry to hear that, I feel for ya. I've been following your other thread. If you are not feeling it then why lead him on? Was this something you were feeling before you moved or did you decide it now suddenly once you moved? What was it that made the light bulb go off? No I was feeling good about till last week, and I tried talking to him about it several times, but instead of listening to what I was trying to say, and my thoughts about the whole situation he'd turn it into a fight. I've been putting a lot of thought into it, it just seems like the best.
kdark Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 My ex always turned things into fights whenever i tried to bring up problems i was having with the relationship... It got to the point where i could read her facial expression, and know exactly what she was thinking when we would talk about things, and knew that she was about to snap. So our communication started to suffer, and then everything went downhill from there... Being in a relationship walking on egg shells afraid you will start a fight by speaking your mind is no way to live.
Tomcat33 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 No I was feeling good about till last week, and I tried talking to him about it several times, but instead of listening to what I was trying to say, and my thoughts about the whole situation he'd turn it into a fight. I've been putting a lot of thought into it, it just seems like the best. Oh that's too bad. The thing is that you are both not having each other's feelings validated by the other and it seems that is what you need most right now. You needed for him to hear you out so that you could communicate your concerns and he needed to be reassured by you that you were ready to have him move. The moment he saw some in security in you it probably got his back up and the resentment prevented him from communicating with you. I feel for both of you, moving in together is a pretty big step and you should definitely do it for the right reasons. So do you think it's a done deal? Or do think maybe you will talk again in a few weeks when emotions calm?
Author dreamergrl Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 Oh that's too bad. The thing is that you are both not having each other's feelings validated by the other and it seems that is what you need most right now. You needed for him to hear you out so that you could communicate your concerns and he needed to be reassured by you that you were ready to have him move. The moment he saw some in security in you it probably got his back up and the resentment prevented him from communicating with you. I feel for both of you, moving in together is a pretty big step and you should definitely do it for the right reasons. So do you think it's a done deal? Or do think maybe you will talk again in a few weeks when emotions calm? To be honest, I don't know. I am worried about how he will be able to handle it, in our relationship, if I need to voice concerns in the future. Will he be able to handle me needing some "me time" since he wont know anyone? Stuff like that. And if I do have him come out here, and things like that happen, it's going to hurt worse for him because he'll be out here where he has no one but me.
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