thegoodlife Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I've had a number of problems with my bf in the last 2 years we have been together. In all honesty, I probably should have broken it off for good about a year ago. I did for a few months and had absolutely NC, but eventually I came back around because I felt our love was stronger than our problems and we could work past them. (This is an LDR relationship btw) In the 8 months we've been back together things have not improved, and in the last month or so he's actually seemed to regress even more. But I keep holding out because I truly love him, I want us to work, and I don't want to let go too soon. But 2 nights ago (on our 8 month anniversary), I came home excited as we hadn't had much time to talk in the previous week and that night was supposed to be a date night for us. We chatted earlier that day when I was in class and he asked me to pick up a movie on my way home so we could watch it together. Upon arriving home and signing online in excitement he then tells me he is on his way out to go see a movie with his best friend, but he won't be too late so we can have still our night together. I was upset, and told him that but he just went on his way and I decided to let it go since I couldn't change the situation and he would be back in a few hours anyways. This happened around 4:30 in the afternoon. When he finally returned home at 11pm, I was obviously upset as the night was practically over at that point and especially since he told me he would be home in a few hours. So when I asked him why he made the choice to stay out that late after already breaking plans with me, he proceeded to go on a 20 minute rant about how much he hates me and that's why he did it. I was completely shocked/hurt/at a loss for any words. My bf has a habit of going off on a tangent when he's pushed (he hates being questioned for his actions), and I get a daily dose of "f*ck you's" and such, which I usually push aside. But to tell someone you hate them in my opinion, is the most hurtful thing you can say. Especially to someone you're supposed to love. I was so choked up on tears and angry that I immediately signed offline and went to bed. Yesterday I stayed away from signing on to msn all day until about 10pm. To be honest, I was expecting an apology from him for the night before but instead he comes at me with "WHY DIDN'T YOU MESSAGE ME WHEN YOU GOT HOME?" Are you kidding me?? I responded with "You told me you hate me so why would I message you?" It turned into a pretty heated argument and basically ended with him saying he's not sorry for what he said because he meant it, he doesn't see the big deal, he thinks I'm just using this an an excuse to try and make him feel bad and get him to chase after me which he refuses to do, and I brought this all on myself by getting upset when he wanted to leave in the first place. I stopped trying to talk to him because he's just impossible; he feels how he feels and that's how it is. Do you think I'm overreacting and it's really not that big of a deal or should I finally kick his dude to the curb?
motive2002 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Kick the dude to the curb. You won't be sorry in the long run. It will suck for a while, but when you're over it, you'll look back and wonder why you even wasted your time with him. *edit* I know I've only caught a glimpse of the overall relationship from your perspective, but.. I'm dead serious. Get rid of him.
curiousnycgirl Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 My bf has a habit of going off on a tangent when he's pushed (he hates being questioned for his actions), and I get a daily dose of "f*ck you's" and such, which I usually push aside. But to tell someone you hate them in my opinion, is the most hurtful thing you can say. Especially to someone you're supposed to love. This is a pet peeve of mine. My mother does it and personally I think it is completely toxic. My family tells me I need to ignore what they say in anger, but I feel everyone needs to take responsibility for their words as well as their actions. If you say you hate someone, then you hate them - what is unclear about that? And why should you hate them any more or less just because you are angry. Personally I think you did the right thing - I haven't spoken to my mother since the end of September because she refuses to apologize for a similar diatribe - so trust me I understand.
D-Lish Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Wow! This relationship sounds incredibly unhealthy. As others have stated, I think you'd feel much happier in the long run if you left this guy. You don't just throw around the words "I hate you" and then expect to be forgiven, or even chalk it up to something said in the heat of anger. It sounds as if you have given the relationship another chance, but he is proving to you that he isn't worthy. I'd walk away. You deserve better, and better is out there. Enough time wasted on this guy who doesn't respect you.
iwanttolive Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Do u wanna live the rest of ur life like this? Don't u think u owe urself a better life? Go buy urself something nice, pamper urself, have a lobster for dinner. This is what ur life can be.
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