tankw Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Well, I've never posted anything to an internet site...but I found this site extremely comforting knowing that people are dealing with similar issues and are willing to talk about it. Here's my story. Met a guy about a year and 1/2 ago while on vacation. Wasn't looking to meet someone, as I had just ended a 3 year relationship. Regardless, things between my new guy and I were moving very quickly. His job required him to travel frequently and I was okay with following him around like he wanted me to, going to cool places and in effect spending a lot of time together. He is a fighter pilot - something that attracted me instantly to him because my Dad was also a fighter pilot back in the day. After about a year he proposed. Soon after that, we moved to Alaska together. Adjusting to Alaska in itself is a challenge...let alone the obvious hardships of moving in with someone. I took each day with a grain of salt. We definitely had our differences, but nothing I thought couldn't be re-evaluated in a different light so to speak. The transition to a cold dark place was tough for me. Getting a job was also tough. I did it for him because this was our new life together...I was willing to move mountains (and my life) to make US happy. All the things I sacrificed and changed to adapt to the air force lifestyle were worth it. So I thought. I was blindsided tonight. We get into a silly argument while we are away from each other and he bails. He said I make him miserable. He hates that I am never happy. Just like that. OVER. He has actually pulled this once before and I flew all the way back to my parents house and spent a week in bed before he "came around" and realized how much I meant to him. I know I am not perfect. But, I also know that NO relationship is perfect. I was willing to fight for us last time, but this time I don't think I could look myself in the mirror. My heart feels like it has been ripped out of my chest. Did I really make him that miserable? Little arguments here and there - is that normal? He is a great person whom I respect wholeheartedly, but he nor I know why he doesn't care enough to try to make it work between us. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or similar stories to share? sorry this ended up being so long. em
Tony T Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 This certainly isn't the first time something like this has happened. Your ex obviously has serious issues. For somebody to come out of nowhere, with no particular precedent, and announce he wants out is simply insane. He is obviously a very poor communicator (extremely bad in a potential marriage partner) or you would have known there was potential for this coming. He obviously has no skills a working things out...or at least trying. This man is unstable and undependable. He is also very selfish. Obviously, he's the total opposite of you. I am sorry this has happened but from the data you have given there doesn't look like your relationship has a chance, not because he may not come around, but because he simply is extremely poor marriage material. Go take a cold shower and come back and read this: YOU make all the sacrifices, you bust your butt to accommodate him, his job, his location, etc....and then he pulls this...WITHOUT NOTICE! The guy is simply not worth another minute of your time. Now, work on yourself so that you don't attract more of these relationships where you are doing 80 percent of the giving. They just don't work out. I don't think you would be capable of giving a guy a lot of shxt but many men like that and stay with women who are just plain bxtches. Get away from this guy and wait until and emotionally stable man comes into your life...and don't be so nice. Look out for yourself and make sure the relationship stays approximately 50-50. Don't do all the giving. My bet is that you've had something similar happen to you before....because you were way too giving.
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