malika Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I broke up with my bf almost two weeks ago. It was after a long two months of problems, during which he broke up with me 5 times and I suffered a lot. Our relationship ended with an argument. Two days ago, he rang once on my phone (not enough for me to pick up). I didn't respond. I feel he is expecting me to come back, and I want to show him I'm serious about this break-up. I had told him the only way I'd give him another chance is if he came to my doorstep (he lives in a different continent and would need a visa-- not an easy task). I still have very deep feelings for him. I miss him, but know we can't go back to our relationship as it was (long-distance with too many conflicts). However, I consider writing him an email to keep things on good terms. But I don't want him to see my weakness and drag me back into this relationship. I have this feeling he thinks I left him for another guy, which is not true, and I have a desire to clarify that. Yet I keep recalling how he tried to make me jealous again and again, and I'm afraid to know if he's seeing someone else. I am craving some form of contact, but hesitate. Should I write something to him or not?
lilmrcheerful Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Hi malika, I think the fact that you still feel for him and that you're not involved with anybody else (and assuming that he isn't as well), I don't see a problem in you writing him an email or latter trying to peace things up and to recover the situation to the point where you're on good terms at the very least, that's fine, especially if you needed to put a few things in perspective for him. I think maybe if you both had met someone else then it would be a little more tricky, although maybe still write to them but ensuring that it isn't anything other than a friendship letter to clear the air and for peace of mind. I can't see a problem in writing to him, especially if as you say it ended in an argument, never a good way to end anything.
saturnsfall Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I broke up with my bf almost two weeks ago. It was after a long two months of problems, during which he broke up with me 5 times and I suffered a lot. Our relationship ended with an argument. Two days ago, he rang once on my phone (not enough for me to pick up). I didn't respond. I feel he is expecting me to come back, and I want to show him I'm serious about this break-up. I had told him the only way I'd give him another chance is if he came to my doorstep (he lives in a different continent and would need a visa-- not an easy task). I still have very deep feelings for him. I miss him, but know we can't go back to our relationship as it was (long-distance with too many conflicts). However, I consider writing him an email to keep things on good terms. But I don't want him to see my weakness and drag me back into this relationship. I have this feeling he thinks I left him for another guy, which is not true, and I have a desire to clarify that. Yet I keep recalling how he tried to make me jealous again and again, and I'm afraid to know if he's seeing someone else. I am craving some form of contact, but hesitate. Should I write something to him or not? Although he may have broken up with you numerous times, you broke up with him this time, and quite honestly, this time is the only time that matters. Asking someone to be at your door when they live on another Continent, that's unfair. It appears the two of you have relationship issues that need to be worked through. Do you expect him to jump back into the relationship? I don't know your situation, but he's probably hurt as you are. If you care for him, and want things to work out. Call him back. It's the worst thing for someone who's been left behind to not hear from the one who left them. Either you want to be in the relationship or you don't.
durotto Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 No don't write to him . NC is the best option for you .. Caliguy has a great threads on these . http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/
lilmrcheerful Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 No don't write to him . NC is the best option for you .. Caliguy has a great threads on these . http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/ Those are excellent threads and certainly well worthy of reading.
Author malika Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 Thanks for the links, durotto. Some of the points were very helpful. I am keeping NC for the sole purpose of gaining back my sanity after all this mess, so I think that advice is useful. Saturnsfall - the reason I gave him an ultimatum is because honestly, I think he needs just that. He told me he loves me, but his behaviors suggest he is not willing to commit to this relationship and only wants to string me along. All the while we had been planning our future together, but he took no practical steps for us to be together. I only think our relationship has any possibility of surviving if we live together, if at all. The last time he broke up with me was 2 weeks before I was scheduled to see him, so I cancelled my ticket. He broke his commitment, and then tried to make up with me after "changing his mind." By that time I was so upset, it was too late, and there goes one of two visits per year down the drain. All I can feel is that at this point, he and I can't continue as we were. As for the future, it's hard to say. He has played games with me for 3 months now, and always brought other women in the picture to make me jealous. I'm still debating writing him a brief email in response to his call-- I'm just afraid of re-opening the can of worms. Although he may have broken up with you numerous times, you broke up with him this time, and quite honestly, this time is the only time that matters. Asking someone to be at your door when they live on another Continent, that's unfair. It appears the two of you have relationship issues that need to be worked through. Do you expect him to jump back into the relationship? I don't know your situation, but he's probably hurt as you are. If you care for him, and want things to work out. Call him back. It's the worst thing for someone who's been left behind to not hear from the one who left them. Either you want to be in the relationship or you don't.
D-Lish Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Honestly, your silence will have a bigger impact than anything else. If he has been playing games and wavering on his commitment to you- I don't see you have any other choice than to let this be. Sounds like you broke up with him for a good reason. Keep hold of what that reason is. Sometimes it's clinging to that reason that will help you through a break up. If he had wanted to say anything profound when he called- he would have left a message. He knows how to contact you. If he has something to say- he has the means to say it. I think you broke up with him as a way of demonstrating you respect yourself. Clearly, he wasn't thinking of you when he broke up with you after you had booked a ticket to see him. let this sink in for a while. I wouldn't message him- stick to your guns. If you message him you are giving him a way back in. What will that solve? You will still have the distance issue to deal with. Anyone that feels the need to make you jealous isn't worth the effort- not when they live so far away. Let him sit with your decision for a while.
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