Break up or not

[Rvisco]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. We have lived together for 2. This is the longest relationship either of us has been in. I've been thinking about breaking up with him for sometime. I started to become attracted to one of our guy friends. Whenever we'd hang out and my boyfriend would leave the room or go somewhere, I found myself wanting to flirt with other guy and even fantasize about him. I also have just lost that chemistry feeling I used to have for my boyfriend. I really have no desire to have sex with him, unless I'm drunk. I also suffer from depression, but I feel it has nothing to do with my sex drive. I recently found a medication that works better for me than the previous one. A few months ago, I was drinking at a party and my b/f wasn't there b/c he doesn't like to drink. I ended up really making out with the guy that I am attracted too. I told my b/f the next day and decieded I should break-up with him since i cheated. He got mad and said he should be breaking up with me. Long story short, I called him and said I wanted him back. I just felt lonely and bad for what I did. He didn't want to break up even though I cheated. I recently saw the guy again at a party and my b/f was there too. I really wanted to talk with him and even hug him, but I knew I couldn't. I just feel the relationship attraction has fizzled out for me. We've been together so long and always say we'll work on things, but I can't deny my feelings for the other guy and to be honest, I might do it again if the situation arose. The thing is I don't want to leave him, just b/c I'm attracted to someone else, that seems stupid. But I can't help it and I guess I'm just bored with our relationship. The only thing we have in common is we both like dogs, some same movies and our parents are divorced. He loves sports and he has a very quick temper that scares me sometimes. If his team loses he get so emotional to the point of asking me to comfort him b/c of it, which I think is ridiculous! He also throws things. He has anger issues. He is a mama's boy and can't manage his own money (his mom pays for a lot of his things) and doesn't do dishes and I constantly have to remind him to do things like that, and he gets mad at me for nagging. I just can't decide what to do and turned to this forum to hear a outside persons opinion.

Thank you for reading

[Ariadne]

Seems like you have it all figured out.

 

You have your long bf while at the time you can flirt with other guys.

 

I don't thinks it's a bad deal at all, you are young and all and are experiencing. Those things are normal.

[RichGuy]

Your first break-up attempt failed because you hadn't secure the new guy yet before you left your bf, so you were left in the gap between relationships, got lonely, and returned to your bf. Kind of like quitting a job before you have receive an offer letter from the new job.

 

So here's what you do. See the new guy behind your bf's back. Once you have the new guy committed to you, only then should you make a clean break from your bf. It's trading up. You're a serial monogamist.

 

By the way, the 4-year mark is when the love chemicals in the brain begin to fade away for both sexes, and the pair-bond feelings disappear. So what you are feeling us completely normal. The other break-up/divorce peak happens at the 7-year mark. So better do it now than wait another three years!