lovingalways Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I complained in one of my other threads how my ex was led on to believe that this one girl in our social circle liked him when she was dating our best friend the whole time (we didn't know about this). Now I'm caught in a vicious circle and I have no idea what to do - I mean, I know what to do but I'm scared of hurting others in the process. So here's the deal. We're all in the same organization at my university. Very close-knit circle of friends - about 15 of us. I never liked the girl (let's call her Sam) mentioned above but I dealt with her - usually answering her questions with a "yes" or "no" and not paying attention to what she was saying. One of my best friends (let's call her Jill) was really, really, really close to the guy (call him Paul) that is now dating Sam. Paul was in love with Jill, but she couldn't go out with him because he's not Jewish (goes against her beliefs). He knew this so to deal with it, he decided the best thing would be to try and minimize socializing with her. She cried and cried and complained and wondered what happened to their friendship. He didn't even tell her he was going to cut all ties with her. Then I don't know what happened - all of a sudden they weren't talking. He unfriended her from Facebook. And he started to act odd. He was still really pleasant with me and we remained close friends but not as close as we used to be - he changed. Jill never came out with us again, saying how she always had something to do. Then I found out that he was dating Sam, but I was told by my ex not to tell anyone in our social circle. So 6 people out of 15 know about this relationship and what Sam has done. I was invited to go out on Saturday with all of them - Sam is going to be there and when that was mentioned to me, I said "I'll think about it." I'm the type of person who is very blunt - I usually tell people what I think of them. I'm good at analyzing people by their body language and the way they talk as well as their actions, so most of my gfs come to me when they want my opinion on whether a guy likes them. I have been refraining myself from telling Sam what I think of her for days and I have been in and out of work and at home for the past couple of days with my cell phone off trying to avoid phone calls and my friends. I want to tell Jill about this because she's still heart broken but I'm scared of adding fuel to the fire - she called me 5 times in the past 2 days and I just know I wouldn't be able to talk with her without her knowing I'm hiding something. I'm really close to breaking apart and telling everyone what has happened because it's bugging me. Sam has destroyed 2 great friendships: between my ex and Paul and between Jill and Paul and she also tried to lie about me to my ex. She's the type of girl I don't want near me or my friends and I feel it is important for everyone to know about this and then judge for themselves whether they still want to be friends with her or not. I don't know if I'm going to be able to go out on Saturday and not say everything I want to say to her. I also miss my friends a lot and would love to see them again. And if I say this in front of everyone, Jill will be crushed because I didn't tell her first. So either I tell her first, then tell everyone and go on Saturday. Or I avoid everyone and don't go out. I thought this was going to go away but I'm really breaking as to what is the right thing to do. I don't want our social circle breaking up - which could potentially happen because a bunch of people will be acting odd. So I don't know..... I'm broken.... Here's the previous thread where I explain what Sam did if you want to read it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t176528/
D-Lish Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I guess I am reading that your friend Jill wouldn't go out with Paul for religious reasons... So Paul was hurt and moved on with a new girl? I am guessing Paul was/is upset at being rejected by your friend. Regardless of whether or not you think Sam is a bad person... It is up to Jill, Paul and Sam to deal with this, is it not? I think Paul is hurt (rightly so). If someone wouldn't date me and cited that it was because I wasn't Jewish, I'd be pretty hurt and offended. Perhaps Paul is protecting himself and his feelings. Even if this girl Sam has been a trouble maker, if you start talking about it to people, it's you that will end up looking like one by spreading gossip. I'd take the high road with this one. If she is a jerk- people will figure that out given some time.
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