STILLSTUCK Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I am now a 30 year old man. Back in high school I met a girl (Nicole) and had a 5 year relationship with her I loved her very much. We planned on getting married but broke up six months after getting engaged. We stayed in touch continuing to have a sexual relationship for six months after the breakup. I tried my hardest to move on as I heard she had begun to date her boss. And our contact stopped for about a year. Then the very night I ended my next relationship as I was moving out my things and pulling away from the house I got a call from her and we met and stayed the night together. After that we talked a few times over the next week and then suddenly stopped. I again tried to move on having a few more short and meaningless relationships. We have always kept in touch although not as much as I would like at least twice a year we would talk over the phone. I ended up getting married to a girl that she went to high school with who had actually introduced me to her. I was married to her for two years I tried my hardest to love her as I did my ex (Nicole). I have to be honest when I had sex with my ex wife I always thought of my ex as I had always done with every other girl I had previously slept with. I knew at my wedding that I was standing with the wrong girl. Soon after filing for divorce I ran into my ex and we went to lunch a few times, and met for a few dinners as well. She was going through a rough breakup. So we stopped seeing each other for a few months until I again ran into her and we started spending allot of time together seeing each other almost every day. We talked allot about the past and future. She told me she has always loved me and that I am her soul mate. she was still dealing with this guy who had now became some what of a stalker, and said before she could feel completely free of him she needed to get him to stop bothering her. I didn't understand this but she assured me she wanted to be with me again. I didn't want to seem crazy or stalkerish myself so I agreed to give her the time she needed to clear this up. One month later I got a email from her that her and this stalker are completely done however during the course she became pregnant. To say the least I was livid I don’t think I had ever been so upset in my life. I guess what he told her is that family life ages him (by the way he was married with a son when he met her and left his wife and son for her) and he would have no part in this having a child with her as he already had a son from a previous marriage. I have kept in touch with her through the pregnancy and she is now 7 month pregnant. The dad is going to her doctor’s appointments with her and as she says excited about it, which I feel he should be. She has again told me even though he has now accepted that he is going to have a daughter they are not together and have no plans of ever living together or getting married. I have thought allot about this and now that the initial anger has passed I would still love to be with her. After all these years and all these things I still can’t get over her. I know in my heart she is my soul mate. I am more than willing to help her raise her daughter. I have had 7 months to think about this. What is the right way to approach this? I know there is a great possibility that after their daughter is born they will end up back together for some time. This guy is a pile and I know he will hot stay with her if this were to happen. My feeling is that they are having a baby and I should back up and wait to see what they do. Wait and give them room to try and make it work for the child. However she has assured me that they will never be together and he is not who she wants. What do you ladies think? And I already know im sick in love and crazy,LOL[/FONT][/COLOR]
birdie Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I'm not sure how much you tried to get over this girl. You said every time you had sex with other women you thought of her. I know that kind of thing is hard to control but that couldn't have helped. I need to think about this but I am concerned for you because I don't know what will happen between this woman you love so much and the father of her child
Author STILLSTUCK Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 Thats what confuses me. I got three emails from her today alone. this just adds to the confusion.
BCCA Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 First, I disagree with the whole 'soul mate' philosiphy, because you're essentially saying that there is only ONE person in the entire world for you, and thats just not true. I'm sure there are thousands of women out there that would be a great match, you're just hung up on this one. Second, no one sleeps with someone they're over and consider to be a stalker. I really think she flat out lied to you. And to get pregnant with his child after she said it was over? Yikes, sounds to me like she was playing both sides of the fence. Last, she told you that you were her soulmate...after becoming pregnant with another guys kid that he didnt want anything to do with. See the problem here? She needs a dad, and you'll do. Thats my thoughts. I dont think this is a good relationship for you. It sounds like youre great when she needs someone to be there, but otherwise, she'll go her own way. She left you 6 months into an engagement, not cool. Also, she told you her and this guy were over before, and then ended up pregnant. Dont make excuses for her, she doesnt sound like shes been upfront with you at all. I would walk away from this one.
Author STILLSTUCK Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 I may not have been clear, she said I was her soul mate before she was preg.
BCCA Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I may not have been clear, she said I was her soul mate before she was preg. And then went and got pregnant with someone else's baby that she told you it was over with. See my point here?
Author STILLSTUCK Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I do see your point. I know she was on bc when she became preg. And had not planed for it. I do agree with most of what you said, we were back together and she did go back to him. and now preg. you would think this would turn me away knowing this. I was angry for months and have let the anger go. I am still in love and as I have experienced over the last 8 years the feeling will not go away. Honestly I don't want my love for her to end. What should I do?[/FONT][/COLOR]
BCCA Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Your love for her as a person never has to end, but your willingness to be part of a relationship with her should. I didn't mean to be harsh, I know you're hurting right now, but realize that people really don't change. She has somewhat of a pattern of behavior here. She does things that really hurt you, and then kind of throws a pity-party for herself so you feel bad. If there is one thing I've learned from dealing with my last ex it's that some people (in my experience, mostly women, but I'm a guy, so..) do the most horrible things, and then turn around and feel sorry for themselves when they have to live with the results. Everyone wants to have their cake, and eat it, too. How can you honestly trust her? She lied right to your face. Told you it was over with this other 'stalker', then slept with him? That's a pretty serious lie. And would she get back together with him again? If you were dating her again and she got pregnant, you would probably question the father at least a little right? See, its these questions that tell me that shes not the right one, my freind. She can be a great person that you love, but not be the person you belong with. That's my gut feeling. She bailed on your engagement, lied to you, and got pregnant with someone else's baby. To me, those are SERIOUS deal-breaking redflags. Think about yourself first.
BackonTrack2 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Maybe the reason you haven't had a meaning full relationship is because you haven't let the person whom your with inside your heart because you always kept that spaced reserved for the ex ex ex ex? 8 years is a long time and this women is not waiting around for you, she is living her life, she even got pregnant. Females are weird, they will tell you they love you and then go have sex with someone else.... like in your case... She does not really love you, your her fall-back guy. Best to forget you knew her, met her, loved her. Best to pretend she's dead so you can truely move on and not remember. As about the 8 year thing.... Yeah brother, your stuck with that feeling Feels like apart of you is missing huh... It won't go away, it will just fade out. slooooooowwwwwwwwwwlllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy. Visit her when she's dead and buried and put flowers on her grave. Your relationship was the past, it was another life, your never getting it back. The only thing you can really do is life live and die happy... Good Luck to You.
rainbowbrite Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 if you are still stuck on this girl after this long. and u r still in contact with her, i think there is a reason for this all. i mean, most girls, i dont think, would still be in contact with their high school bf almost a decade later. im pretty sure she has feelings for u. i mean, go for it, its not like ur losing anything. just talk to her about everything and how u feel next time u guys are alone. this post reminds me of my brother. he has a very similar situation where he dated a girl in highschool for 5 years and then proposed. but ended up breaking up a few months after the engagement. now this was years ago, and my brother is still in love with her so i duno. maybe those feelings never really dissappear
Intergalactic Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 i am so sorry for your situation, but you need to look at the facts. after this long, she STILL isn't with you, not completely. and that won't change. she won't change. the only thing that can change is you and your willingness to be part of this situation. you have the ability to make yourself happy and you are denying yourself that chance, and the chance to meet a woman who can make you TRULY happy by giving you every part of herself and loving you and caring for you and wanting you completely by clinging onto this woman. i'm sorry if it sounds harsh, but the best thing you can do for yourself is to let go of her, and the idea of her. don't allow yourself to compare other women you are with to her, because you're setting standards which will be impossible to overcome, and ultimately forcing a failure to occur. being friends with her probably isn't a good idea either, because then you are allowing her into your life, and she may keep using you while you keep clinging to this idea of a happy future with her - a very unhealthy issue because it just won't happen. good luck
Weird Posted January 25, 2009 Posted January 25, 2009 Wow this sounds like a tweaked version of the Forrest Gump movie, not saying you're mentally slow like Forrest but she is like Jennie. I really don't know what to say other than it sure seems like she is using as an emergency penis/guy and if she truly felt you were her soulmate she would not be jerking you around by humping other guys like that and would get together with you. She sounds like bad news and the best best is to make her decide what she wants and if it isn't you then to cut all ties with her.
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