Goatsbreath Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Well today was the ex's birthday and I said I wouldn't call her or anything. Well, I lied. I found myself up early taking a shower, shaving, etc and then I found myself in the car. I had no plans but I did. I drove to her new apartment, never been there but found the address from the netflix account, she never changed the password. Anyway, I knocked and she answered and I went in. We talked a little and she had to go to a hair apartment. During my visit her step mom called and I could over here her saying things like.........so hows things with michael, keeping your distance. then said things like well i'll let you go so you can kick him out, he didn't stay the night did he. blah blah, things that made me feel like Im being made out to be the bad guy. She left me and started seeing another guy........wtf? Yeah, I said some things but during my emotional mess and sense I apologized. I told her I overheard what she was saying and that I should leave but my Ex responded, "thats just helen, If I feel a certain way about you being here or whatever I will let you know." Overall it was a very civil conversaton, maybe 20 minutes but she wanted no talk of the situation. If it started even going that way a little she would say, not today, not on my birthday, can we just not today. I asked her if there was any hope for us and she said she would not answer the question right now. At the end she started saying why didn't you call first, friends call first. I dont know, prob just took a major leap backwards in my recovery....sigh
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 you probablay did take a step back in your healing....but you'll find you'll probably get over this alot faster. You messed up, you've learned your lesson. Same as I and same as a lot of other people on here. Go back to NC, keep moving forward, and start to take better care of yourself. You've got friends man. Trust me.
kizik Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 You're doing all the wrong things. I would feel bad for you, but putting yourself in such a vulnerable position is, well, stupid. Yes, they are making you out to be the bad guy. But going over to her place and being treated like a nuisance makes me embarrassed and a bit sad for you. Leave her the f*ck alone and get on with your life. She obviously has no respect for you. To her, you're pathetic.
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 yeah, I need to have my head examined I guess. I mean I was doing no contact for about 11 days and then yesterday I was really sick, flu I think with fever and I broke down bad. Then today, still sick I woke up in some strange mood. I mean, I knew what I was doing was going to be bad but I didn't care. I wanted it to play out for some reason
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 You're doing all the wrong things. I would feel bad for you, but putting yourself in such a vulnerable position is, well, stupid. Yes, they are making you out to be the bad guy. But going over to her place and being treated like a nuisance makes me embarrassed and a bit sad for you. Leave her the f*ck alone and get on with your life. She obviously has no respect for you. To her, you're pathetic. Kizik is all about being a hardass today but he's right. I know dignity is tough to hold on to when your emotions are kicking your ass. I've lost it, we've all lost it at least once I think. But you gotta hold on to your balls and keep your head cool. At least it'll make them think they arn't as important to you as they really are.
kizik Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 What you did is only bad in that it makes you feel bad about yourself. Once you totally let her go, you'll start to regain your self-esteem and self-respect. But contacting her now is doing no good for anyone. Especially you.
kizik Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Kizik is all about being a hardass today but he's right. Just today? :lmao::love::sick:
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 ugg.....when I first left her place I felt ok. Like, you know what, its not so bad. I didn't cry or anything but now the rest of the day has been crappy. Keep thinking about it............damn it. I lost my days of NC that were telling my she might be suffering me not calling her. Now, I doubt she was.
kizik Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Listen dude, chill out. Besides contacting her, the worst thing you can do right now is to beat yourself up. You made a mistake. My prediction is that the emotions it brought up will serve as a reminder NOT to do it again.
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 yeah, I liked to pick at my scabs when I was a kid. I knew that meant something
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 It'll do a lot more for you if I'm honest with you. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid STUPID move. Where the hell is your logic? First off, why the hell would you go to the house of a girl who left you for another guy? Seriously? Stupid move. Why do these guys want to get back with ex's who chose other guys over them? Do they think it wouldn't happen again? Seriously, wtf?
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 I know man, for some reason I always think its because of her depression or something or other. Like, I think she will realize she made a huge mistake. It didn't start out this way, another man, first it was space and such, time, then there was another. I know im stupid for still caring. Sometime I imagine its just a game now. Like maybe if I got her I wouldn't even want her but I cant quit the game. The game is me driving by her house shaking at the thought of what might come of this. Will this new guy be there? Will she see me? Will I stop?
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 ...Go find a nonpsychotic girl. Look out for red flags this time around. Nothing good will come of this "game". Whoever wins, you'll still lose.
ReeWoo Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 ...Go find a nonpsychotic girl. Look out for red flags this time around. Nothing good will come of this "game". Whoever wins, you'll still lose. +1 Go find a nonpsychotic girl. If you see any red flags, no mater how good the sex is or how hot she looks or how bad you want to be in a relationship . . . don't do it. GTF out. As far as this girl that you are hung up on now, get off of the hook and look for someone else.
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Just a bit of advice too. Stay single for a WHILE. This way you have a clear mind and can determine if new bitch is crazy or not.
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 yeah, i have had a bad run of luck. 3 of my last 4 were very similar....depressed, on drugs, some legal....some not, and just unstable. The other one was insanely normal but it was long distance and atlas failed.
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 yeah, i have had a bad run of luck. 3 of my last 4 were very similar....depressed, on drugs, some legal....some not, and just unstable. The other one was insanely normal but it was long distance and atlas failed. I would then say you are addicted/attracted to crazy bitches. No offenses (I am too I think). You just have to realize what is BAD for you. And stay away, you seem to know what your issue is with the ladies, time to stay away from that.
alwayssme Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 come on, give him a break!! lol..yes he made a bad move but at the begining of my break-up..i actually saw my ex and talked to him plenty of times...i never showed up unexpected but we made plans to hang out and yes i was a mess crying and all...but its done. anyway, point is dont do it again...no its not pathetic...what the hell? we're humans with emotions and u just slipped up...dont beat yourself up over it...do not contact her again though...
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 come on, give him a break!! lol..yes he made a bad move but at the begining of my break-up..i actually saw my ex and talked to him plenty of times...i never showed up unexpected but we made plans to hang out and yes i was a mess crying and all...but its done. anyway, point is dont do it again...no its not pathetic...what the hell? we're humans with emotions and u just slipped up...dont beat yourself up over it...do not contact her again though... pretty much right here. You know you ****ed up, its all right. I've done it, and I think we all have. Whats important is to know you ****ed up and move on from it get by and learn. Take care of yourself man, if you need some help, post again or PM me.
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 thanks guys, Im still just sitting here licking my wounds. I wish there was some magical words that could make things better... I wish I would stop thinking of things that I might say, that I might do to make her suddenly see what it was that made us special........... I wish I would stop thinking of her every time I see or here something on tv, music, movies, etc that I know she would like....... I wish I would stop dreaming of her at night and waking up to a day full of shades..... I wish I would stop thinking about sex and how I'll never touch her soft milky skin......... I wish I would stop thinking about her every time I go to cook and remember the many meals I made for her and I......... I wish I would stop thinking about how maybe,,.......just maybe if she saw this, how much im hurting, she would care.............
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Drive out in the middle of no where. Get out of your car an go ape**** at the universe. Scream, yell, cry, rip up grass. Just go ****ing crazy until your about to pass out. Hell even fall asleep right there if you want (depending on the temp, I wouldn't do that where I live lols. Still, you need to go ****in crazy for a bit, and when you wake up you're going to feel much better
thegoodlife Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 You made a mistake but you're aware of it and hopefully you'll make sure not to do it again. Don't beat up on yourself too hard though, we've all been there where we have moments of relapse and do something erratic. I can remember after my last break up (she also left me for someone else), we had gone a while without seeing/speaking to each other mostly because the thought of her made me sick and I wanted nothing to do with her. Then one day for whatever reason, I woke up and missed having her in my life so I called her to ask if she'd like to hang out. BIG MISTAKE on my part. As it turned out I still wasn't emotionally ready to see her and ended up breaking down, begging her to be with me again, trying to proclaim how wonderful our love was, etc. It was pretty pathetic. And that set me back at square one. From then I just had to take it one day at a time, really being tough on myself to not let myself think about her, try to contact her. I'll admit it took a loooong time to finally get out of that stage, but it happens. One day you'll find yourself indifferent to her and the whole situation and that's when you'll know you're over it. For now, just be tough on yourself. I know it's hard but you've got a lot of support here and you're in a better position being without her.
famke Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Just a bit of advice too. Stay single for a WHILE. This way you have a clear mind and can determine if new bitch is crazy or not. can you stop saying Bitch? I think its really disrespectfull to all the women here. especially if you say: new bitch, as a other term for new girl/woman. what are you being a dickhead for?
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 Day 1 NC again........weeee, and it feels tainted. The day that is. Feels like nothing will take my thoughts from her and its starting to make me mad. Last night I went to a bar to watch a band play and I could not stop wondering what she was doing on her birthday.
famke Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 You dont have to feel so bad I mean alot of heartbroken people break NC! See today as a new start for you. dont do it again, and try to focus on anything else except for her. You will get over her. trust me.
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