Author tincanman99 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Not to argue "for" your ex but walking in heels creates a different type of walk, in that it causes you to move your hips a bit, particularly high heels. Don't believe me? Try a pair on and see how you walk! Not really into the shoe thing .
bubblegum Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Like what? Like: 1) you weren't particularly affected by her disappearance because you weren't that into her in the first place 2) that you have so much going on in your life you hardly noticed her absence 3) that you have a kind and forgiving nature and can talk to a person who has been rude to you due to their own character flaws, without losing any self-respect 4) that you have enough self-esteem to know that her behavior is only a reflection of herself, and has nothing to do with you
Author tincanman99 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Like: 1) you weren't particularly affected by her disappearance because you weren't that into her in the first place 2) that you have so much going on in your life you hardly noticed her absence 3) that you have a kind and forgiving nature and can talk to a person who has been rude to you due to their own character flaws, without losing any self-respect 4) that you have enough self-esteem to know that her behavior is only a reflection of herself, and has nothing to do with you Interesting way to look at it. Her disappearance annoyed me but I never let on that it did . Kind and forgiving could be tough because it also says weakness. People dont respect that. Or am I wrong?
bubblegum Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 [quote=tincanman99;2006996 Kind and forgiving could be tough because it also says weakness. People dont respect that. Or am I wrong? Forgiving does not equal weakness at all. If you forgive someone for something, it is really for yourself; it's an indication that you've let go of the pain in caused and that you are no longer carrying around that burden. Weakness is not remembering how they wronged you and setting yourself up in the exact same position for them to do it again, with no consequence. I believe in second chances, but not many more than that!
carhill Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Kind and forgiving is healthy as a response to genuine remorse and acceptance of responsibility, IMO. Antithetically, I believe the ability to forgive and accept is a sign of strength, rather than weakness.
Frankasy Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Women are pathetic in a lot of ways and highly in understandable. Your situation sorta happened to me once too. Same thing, everything was going great, she was into me and suddenly she stopped talking to me but I never really made a fuss about it. I never knew what got into her but I really didn't care cause she wasn't special to me or anything. Now if this girl you're talking about is well special or anything than give her another chance, pretend like nothing happened. If she's not, don't waste your time with her but before you ignore her throw everything you have into her face. Be sarcastic with her, let her know that she's not that special due to her thinking that she can talk and ignore whoever she wants. In other words I suggest you ignore her with some dignity so that she and everyone else will understand that she looked foolish from all these events, not you. Finish with a bang!
fivefive Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Women are really hard to understand sometimes. I guess that's the fun part about women, in a way. One day they're really into you, and then the next they're completely uninterested. It kinda leaves you thinking what you did wrong. I'm kinda going through the same situation as you. Me and this girl really hit it off and then all of a sudden after a couple months there was no contact. I tried re-initiating contact a few times and we would start talking again; And the thing is when we would talk again she would always say things like "It's been a while, We don't talk anymore, Why don't you talk to me anymore?" Stuff like that. I even asked her out a couple times both times rejecting me, saying she had already made plans. Then I expected HER to initiate things after I had already done it a a few times but she still doesn't. I see this as an ego booster for herself. Maybe I'm wrong but that's what she's telling me and maybe that's what this girl wants from you. I can certainly relate to you when you say that you're just trying to move on and just completely try to ignore her. It could make her self-conscious and start wondering to herself, "Why doesn't he want to talk to me anymore?" This will make her want you back even more. But it could also completely backfire. The choice is yours though.
Author tincanman99 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 I guess I need to think more about forgiving. Normally I dont hold a grudge nor stay mad forever. We fight, say what we have to say and thats it. With this there was no fighting, she stopped responding to me, so I stopped calling. I only called her a few times and emailed/txted a few times before I stopped. I have no desire to be an ego booster for her. I am not even sure I want to be friends with her anymore. I havent spoken to her in months already. I am uncomfortable talking with her. It seems like a pointless exercise so why bother. FiveFive you mentioned it backfiring? How so? You mean she would stop talking to me? or she would become more aggressive with me?
fivefive Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 You ignoring her could backfire as in she might think that you're not enough of a man to talk to her or she could completely not want you in her life anymore. This has happened to a couple of my friends when they ignored the girl. So be careful with what you do. The choice is yours though.
Author tincanman99 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 You ignoring her could backfire as in she might think that you're not enough of a man to talk to her or she could completely not want you in her life anymore. This has happened to a couple of my friends when they ignored the girl. So be careful with what you do. The choice is yours though. Got it. Make sense. If this is the outcome, so be it. I already dont barely speak to her. No loss here as we are already at this point .
Frankasy Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Got it. Make sense. If this is the outcome, so be it. I already dont barely speak to her. No loss here as we are already at this point . Still keep in mind what fivefive said, you could look bad as if you aren't man enough to talk to her and like I said in my post, finish with a bang, finish with your head high. Always make her look and feel bad but don't let her think it's your fault cause sometimes it could prove costly for you.
Author tincanman99 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 Still keep in mind what fivefive said, you could look bad as if you aren't man enough to talk to her and like I said in my post, finish with a bang, finish with your head high. Always make her look and feel bad but don't let her think it's your fault cause sometimes it could prove costly for you. I dont understand I guess. So you are saying I should be snotty and sarcastic with her? Say something like "so now after all these months you decide you want to talk to me, did the other guys leave you? " (of course I dont know there were other guys but I can assume thats the case).
bubblegum Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 What do you want from her? Do you want to date her again? First answer that question, only then can the best way to deal with her be determined.
Author tincanman99 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 What do you want from her? Do you want to date her again? First answer that question, only then can the best way to deal with her be determined. I want nothing from her. She is the one talking to me, not vice versa. I dont trust her nor her motivations. I am actually surprised she is even speaking to me. I saw her today and she was even chattier than last week. I just said I cant talk and kind of did the fake smile of thats nice and kept going.
bubblegum Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Ok, that's cool. Then continue on as you are doing, no need for sarcasm, no need to make reference to her disappearing act. Talk to her for a minute when she initiates it, be cooooool, not cold nor too friendly (I like the fake smile thing!) and then always cut it short, 'cause you're a busy busy guy. This same thing happened to me with a guy. We were dating for a few months or so, then he blocked me out, absolutely went NC on me, without any explanation whatsoever. I called a few times, left him a note... he never got back to me. So I left it alone, I wasn't all that into him anyway, so it wasn't heartbreaking -- just a shock to my sense of civility and pride, I suppose. Then 5 or 6 months later we were at the same party. We chatted, I even flirted a little. Then a bunch of us rode together in the same car to another spot, I sat with him, talking and laughing... even bought him a drink later. Later when we were all leaving I walked to the car I came with him in, as if I were going to ride back with him, reached in, grabbed my coat and waved goodbye, grabbing a ride with someone else. Moral: The sudden blocking and cutting off of contact can come in many forms, at any time, in any way!
Author tincanman99 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 You are far nicer than I have been . I guess my pride is dinged and she was a friend before I dated her. I have not even spoken to her for 1 minute. I dont stop walking and just keep going. Until recently I would not even say hi to her if I saw her. I would totally ignore her like she wasnt there. The smile I am talking about is the grimace - its the oh, I have to acknowledge and be civil smile. Women do it all the time. Its the smile with no teeth .
bubblegum Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 No, what I did was kind of bitchy, actually. We were friends too, before starting to date. I know what you mean about the grimace/forced/fake smile. She's interesting though, that she keeps upping the chattiness when you respond to her this way. It doesn't say anything good about her. When I realized that guy didn't want to talk to me anymore, I didn't approach him. If he came up to me and tried chatting me up one day, I'd have been wary and weirded out too, as you are. As it happened, we were in groups of people when we chatted at that party and I couldn't care less about him, so I talked. The drink-buying thing and the ditching him at the car thing just fell into place -- leaving him quite surprised and confused (by the look on his face) at the end of it all.
Author tincanman99 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 I got this email a little while ago from her: ========== I havent spoken to you in a long, long time. Whats going on with you? We should get together and catch up some time. Give me a call and let me know what works with you. ========== When I realized she wasnt going to respond I backed off as well. Every time i have seen her I have been alone. She cant honestly expect that now she is talking to me that I would run right over and start chatting her up again?
Surfer Dude Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I sense a lot of cynical and misogynistic attitude in here! My opinion is that something went wrong for her in the relationship department and now wants to re-establish communication with you. The key to all this is being playful. Unless she is disrespectful, moody and a crazy lady, I suggest you hook up with her, what could you possibly lose? Date her, in addition to all other women you're dating! ha ha! But make sure she knows she's not the only one. If she starts objecting, time to eject. I wouldn't give all my time and energy to just one woman who has proven to be flaky in the past!
bubblegum Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Wow, she's out there all right! If that guy had sent me an email or whatever like that, after disappearing with no explanation whatsoever, I'd be offended all over again. There's no way she should expect you to come running! It's tempting to make a date with her somewhere and then never show up.... but that's not cool... Sheeesh, thinking about this is reminding me of this guy who I was acquaintances with, we'd run into each other in the workroom occasionally and chat for a few minutes. Then he had a mutual friend tell me he's interested, and I told her no, I'm not interested. Then he called me a couple times anyway. He asked me out on the phone. I said no. Then he proceeded to YELL at me over the phone saying that he KNEW I was interested in him because I laughed at his jokes in the workroom... I think I eventually hung up and he actually called back to yell some more... Some people are clueless!
zdheat Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 Don't bother responding. She doesn't deserve it. Any time a person disapears with no explanation it's a major red flag. By disapearing with no explanation she has proven that she doesn't care about your feelings and lacks the ability to communicate in a relationship. She's just looking for a stooge to cure her boredom. If you were to give her another chance it will only make it easier for her to disapear a second time.
Author tincanman99 Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 Don't bother responding. She doesn't deserve it. Any time a person disapears with no explanation it's a major red flag. By disapearing with no explanation she has proven that she doesn't care about your feelings and lacks the ability to communicate in a relationship. She's just looking for a stooge to cure her boredom. If you were to give her another chance it will only make it easier for her to disapear a second time. This is exactly why I have not responded to her. I am trying to be positive here and not hold any ill feelings to her but I think she will do it again. I hate to be cynical but thats what I think.
westrock Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 This is exactly why I have not responded to her. I am trying to be positive here and not hold any ill feelings to her but I think she will do it again. I hate to be cynical but thats what I think. How do you know she will do it again? What's it going to take for her to get on your good side?
Author tincanman99 Posted January 24, 2009 Author Posted January 24, 2009 How do you know she will do it again? What's it going to take for her to get on your good side? Good question. How do I know she will do it again? Honestly I dont but I suspect it. Give me a good reason I should be friendly to her?
westrock Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 Good question. How do I know she will do it again? Honestly I dont but I suspect it. Give me a good reason I should be friendly to her? Here's 3 reasons: 1. she's reached out to you 2. you only 'suspect' she'll do it again 3. you're a good guy who I would say deep down still cares about her It's your choice in end what you want to do, but what more reasons do you need? Why can't you talk with her and find out if she's interested again and express all your concerns that you've mentioned in this email?
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