tincanman99 Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I dated a woman back at the end of the summer. We had been friends prior to dating. We went out a bunch of times, had great times and she stopped answering my contacts (phone/email/txt) so I backed way off. I literally contacted her a few times and she did not respond so I disappeared. There were no bad words, no arguments, no ugly emails - just poof gone. Since than I have seen her very rarely. When I do I either ignore her or at most might say hi. But thats it. The other day I ran into her and she escalated it with a "hi so and so, how have you been. I havent seen you in such a long time. Whats going on". She said other stuff as well but just I replied with a "doing ok" and I kept going. I could sense she wanted me to stop and chat but I didnt. Others have told me she has repeatedly asked about me but because I keep my life to myself they dont know much. There was a lot of attraction between us and it was very flirty. Great chemistry but after she treated me the way she did I am very hesitant to be friendly with her. You just dont treat people like that. So what does she want after months of no contact?
confused_2008 Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 She probably found another guy, things didn't work out and now you're her second choice. I wouldn't give her the time of day.
westrock Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 You don't know what happened to cause her to stop contacting you. Were you two exclusive when you were dating in the summer? Maybe she feels bad for the way things ended in the summer and now wants to patch things up with you. Now that you run into each other and she's showing some interest, why not stop and chat with her?
Davey McG Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 What Does She Want After Months Of No Contact? An ego boost!
Author tincanman99 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 Actually I have no idea what caused her stop replying. Went on a last date and than nothing. Not a drop dead , lets just be friends , you make me want to vomit - nothing . The last date was fun and she seemed happy but who knows. We were not exclusive in the summer, which was fine. I just find it funny, you stop talking to me and now you want to talk to me? I am just hesitant to invest time, energy and $ again into someone who might do this again.
runner Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 you're right to feel the way you do. i would ignore her advances too.
westrock Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I just find it funny, you stop talking to me and now you want to talk to me? I am just hesitant to invest time, energy and $ again into someone who might do this again. She could have handled things different, but why speculate as to what was happening in her life? People make mistakes. Only way to find out is to talk with her. How much time, energy and $ does it take to have a brief chat with her and put your mind at ease?
xpaperxcutx Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 She could have handled things different, but why speculate as to what was happening in her life? People make mistakes. Only way to find out is to talk with her. How much time, energy and $ does it take to have a brief chat with her and put your mind at ease? Exactly. You're not wasting alot of energy just saying hi and being friendly unless you're holding a grudge against her. It's apparent you're still a bit irritated that you got stood up.
Author tincanman99 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 I wasnt stood up . We had one last date together and than afterwords she stopped responding . To me that says not interested, go away. We didnt go out like once or twice, I saw her for about a month and a half and were friends for a year before I started seeing her. I am not going to lie, I am not really mad anymore but it does annoy me a bit still. I dont like being treated that way. You dont want to see me, thats fine, just tell me. If I talk to her now, it sends a message of weakness and that its ok to treat people like this. This is one of the reasons I am hesitant to talk with her.
crosswordfiend Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 If I talk to her now, it sends a message of weakness and that its ok to treat people like this. This is one of the reasons I am hesitant to talk with her. I think in this case you also have the opportunity to send a message that you are a big man who is able to forgive - not a bad relationship trait to have... If after you reach out to her, she pulls another disappearing act then not only will you be justified in ignoring her, but you can also tell her why you are ignoring her without coming off as presumptuous.
Trialbyfire Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 When someone shuts down like that with no explanation, it's rude. Test this theory. Start talking to her again and if she pretends like nothing happened, RUUUUUNNNNN!! This is someone who can't communicate and is unwilling to take responsibility for their actions. Not good relationship material since you can never resolve anything you avoid or don't discuss. It ends up that resentment builds.
lofi_tokyo Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 She probably found another guy, things didn't work out and now you're her second choice. An ego boost! As much as I hate to admit - from my perspective this could certainly be the case. Speaking from personal experience, and from the experience of some of my female friends, sometimes, girls just date a guy casually, meanwhile someone else drifts into the picture and they girl kinda floats away. Months can go by and then the girl remembers you, she makes contact - and it works as an ego boost for sure. That being said, we all make mistakes. I've let a couple guys go in that way that I kind of question now - they were pretty cool? I could have given more of a chance. Maybe you're one of those guys for her. If you can forgive or not be bothered by the past, maybe you guys can have a second chance? Hard to say!
zdheat Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 You caught her at a time when she's feeling bored and lonely. Her other options have dried up and now she's coming back to you so you can play second fiddle again until she finds another guy. If you were to re-establish contact with her she'll more than likely repeat her behaviour and will start ignoring you again once she gets her ego boost or meets someone else. Never give them a chance to reject you a second time.
CommitmentPhobe Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 She was being friendly That's all. Do you want her just to be rude and cold instead?
carhill Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Sounds like he wants her swallowed up by a black hole One vote for ego feed
movingonandon Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 When someone shuts down like that with no explanation, it's rude. Test this theory. Start talking to her again and if she pretends like nothing happened, RUUUUUNNNNN!! This is someone who can't communicate and is unwilling to take responsibility for their actions. Not good relationship material since you can never resolve anything you avoid or don't discuss. It ends up that resentment builds. Wow, that's exactly why I don't think giving my ex a second chance isn't a wise idea . If only I could stop (stupidly) feelig bad for her, I'd be all set with the increasingly great in my eyes new girl. OP, unless that girl bring it up and provides some sort of explanation, I'd probably cut her off. People do make mistakes, but right now she's probably thinking "I'm making an effort right now, so what's the big deal"...
Balthazar Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 As others have said, it may be an ego boost, or to see if she can exert an influence over you. Unfortunately, many people feel they can turn on or turn off their "friendliness" according to their whims. Be friendly with her but not overly so unless she takes strong affirmative action. CHeers,
Author tincanman99 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 To me this is irrational and illogical. You decided you werent interested which is fine. Fine, we are not friends anymore. Good riddance. She can be very sexually manipulative. Flaunts her body (shows lots of cleavage and is very touchy) and aggressively flirts with men. She kind of swaggers when she walks, especially in heels. That being said, thats how she was with me the other day. Even after doing all this and chatting me up, the only thing I said was I am ok and kept going. I didnt stop. I dont trust her motives now. If I talk to her and am friendly that says a few things in my mind: 1. Her treating me like she did was ok. I will tolerate it. It says to her I have low self esteem. 2. How do I know she wont do this again once her ego is nicely inflated? 3. How will I feel if she does what she did to me before again? My self esteem will be dinged again.
carhill Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 To me this is irrational and illogical. And yet it keeps you interested
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Not to argue "for" your ex but walking in heels creates a different type of walk, in that it causes you to move your hips a bit, particularly high heels. Don't believe me? Try a pair on and see how you walk!
carhill Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Any self-respecting man with a shoe fetish would agree
westrock Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 If I talk to her and am friendly that says a few things in my mind: 1. Her treating me like she did was ok. I will tolerate it. It says to her I have low self esteem. 2. How do I know she wont do this again once her ego is nicely inflated? 3. How will I feel if she does what she did to me before again? My self esteem will be dinged again. Why those 3 particular conclusions? There are other more positive conclusions to choose from. You have a choice in how you interpret the meaning of your own actions.
Author tincanman99 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Posted January 19, 2009 Why those 3 particular conclusions? There are other more positive conclusions to choose from. You have a choice in how you interpret the meaning of your own actions. Like what?
Recommended Posts