not_a_happy_camper Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 i realise anyone who has read my posts over the last few days will think i'm nuts. I know i need to let go. i don't know how. i've had a bad few days brought on by a text from my ex that wasn't meant for me, didn't contain any information that should make me feel bad, but it was the contact in general that hasn't helped. through in the stress of applying for a job and it's a big old mess. and yes, i do want him back. but he dumped me two months ago. i think its clear he doesn't want me. NC for 7 weeks now bar a christmas text from him, and the mistaken text. i haven't broken NC myself other than to reply to him. I've never once asked how he is or anything like that. it was just generic responses. I'm feeling guilty for my part in the break-up. i know i hurt him too. but i refused to see that at the time because his behaviour left much to be desired. but i hate this. i'm stuck here knowing that if i'd acted differently things might have worked out differently. i blamed everything on him at the time. i bombarded accusations at him. i was going through a stressful time then too. and had thought for a while that his feelings were dwindling. i was doing everything in my power to fix things. except talking to him about it. because when i tried he said everything was ok. there's most definitely fault on both sides. i just never apologised for mine. i don't know that apologising will help. i don't know what's going on in his life at the moment. i haven't heard a thing from him. and haven't bumped into any mutual friends for a while which is probably a good thing. i know i've had a bad few days of it.....................i know i've been overthinking it. even though i've been doing everything to distract myself it doesn't work. i'm dwelling no matter how hard i try. i miss him and i want him back. and i want him to know i'm sorry for my part in all of this. is it too late to say i'm sorry? or is there a point? because like i've read here so many times in the last two weeks, it should be the dumper has the change of heart.............but i know my behaviour lead to a lot of this. please help
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 You deserve to be commended for how real you are. I respect that you are intelligent and honest enough to know you made mistakes too. Truth is, though, we all do. And deep down, we can never really change. We can sparkle up our marble surfaces to shine, but the stone beneath is, well, set in stone. What I mean by that analogy is that if you didn't work then, you won't work now. Sure, you can get back together, and the shine of your marble surface will be new, but that shine will wear in a few months, and things will not only be the same, but maybe worse. I made mistakes too with BOTH my ex's. I'll make mistakes with my new gf. You'll make mistakes too. We all will. It's human nature. The key is finding someone who looks past your mistakes. Your ex didn't. Something didn't work and it didn't work for a reason. Incompatibility in mentalities, possibly. That's not important. What's important is it didn't work. And that means it will never work, most likely. (And by most likely, I mean 99% of the time people get back together. Not like 60% or something). Move on. But know you're a good person for being so true to yourself by admitting your flaws. I admire that.
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 do i admit them to him? i feel bad that he bore the brunt of all the blame. i know we didn't work out. and i'm only beginning to realise now that i have to respect his wishes. but he gave me such mixed messages at the time. it's so complicated i'm not even going to start going into it. i spoke to a friend today who said it sounds like we're both too proud to admit we still care. even though i don't know how he feels right now. and i know everyone else keeps saying i should leave it. but at times i feel i should just listen to my own heart. i loved him. i can't go on feeling this way. i hate that he could hurt because of me, whether or not he hurt me back, which he did.
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 do i admit them to him? i feel bad that he bore the brunt of all the blame. i know we didn't work out. and i'm only beginning to realise now that i have to respect his wishes. but he gave me such mixed messages at the time. it's so complicated i'm not even going to start going into it. i spoke to a friend today who said it sounds like we're both too proud to admit we still care. even though i don't know how he feels right now. and i know everyone else keeps saying i should leave it. but at times i feel i should just listen to my own heart. i loved him. i can't go on feeling this way. i hate that he could hurt because of me, whether or not he hurt me back, which he did. HELL no. This guy doesn't deserve to have **** explained to him. You don't owe him a damn thing. What can you gain from this? The relationship didnt work and anything beyond having it end is probably just going to end up dragging things out, and trust me that is exactly what you DONT want to happen. Self preservation darling, take care of YOU.
alwayssme Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I must say that feeling guilt is a part of the process...trust me when i say i wasnt perfect in my relationship..i made so many mistakes...i apologized but still i wish i could tell him excatly how sorry i am for everything...but it doesnt matter because i will not take that risk..it would not bring him back.. its a good thing that u acknowlegde your mistakes but dont beat yourself up over them.. i understand exactly what you mean because i wish i would have never done certain things i did but the past isnt changable...maybe someday you will get the chance to apologize to him...what i do is...i write down thoughts in a journal...when i feel nostalgic or anything im feeling...maybe it will help u too?
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