whatcanyoudo1 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Hi all, Could you ow/om tell me what is the normal response for the BS having a revenge affair before the original affair is revealed (I guess its not really a revenge affair if it was all based on intuition, no cold hard facts) Would that usually end things completely, no chance at salvaging the Marriage? If both spouses are cheating what is left? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 From what I have seen, a revenge affair doesn't end the marriage any more than the original affair does. It does give the MP a taste of their own medicine, though. Many cheating MPs are often just as hurt as the BS was when they find out that they've been cheated on. Why do you ask? Is the BS in your case cheating right now in any provable way? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Look over on the infidelity forum here on LS for Lorenzo's story. He had a 'revenge affair' after he found out about his wife's affair. It appears to have led to their divorce. I'm not sure what you're looking for here, really. A revenge affair COULD lead to divorce, just as the original affair COULD. Often, the WS is just as devestated by their spouse's cheating as the original BS was...as silly as that may seem. Link to post Share on other sites
LavendarGirl Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 If you are asking for an OWs perspective on a revenge affair....I think any OW/OM would be quite upset if they discovered they were being used by the MP to inflict revenge on the spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Since your situation has involved betrayal both ways and abuse, you both need counselling, together and apart. The dynamic right now is toxic and unhealthy. Link to post Share on other sites
willing Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Hi all, Could you ow/om tell me what is the normal response for the BS having a revenge affair before the original affair is revealed (I guess its not really a revenge affair if it was all based on intuition, no cold hard facts) Would that usually end things completely, no chance at salvaging the Marriage? If both spouses are cheating what is left? Theoretically, what is left is that both spouses realize the hurt they are capable of giving and receiving, and better make up their minds to either honor their vows or bow out. I think that a serial cheater needs a taste of their own medicine, because clearly, nothing else was potent enough to stop them. Not the hurt from the BS, nothing. I did have a revenge affair (still having it) and my spouse knows nothing of it. It's the only thing I can do to feel like taking any kind of power back, and to keep from falling apart again. It's also useful for emotionally detaching from my cheating spouse. And now, I have something else to focus on, besides policing what my CS is up to 24/7 But to get back to your original question of a BS cheating before the original affair is outed, frankly I am not surprised when that happens. You do know, don't you, that when one spouse is involved in an affair, their lies and secrecy and growing focus on another person necessarily makes them Distant from their spouse, therefore the BS feels this distance and whether conscious of it or not, this emotional distancing may allow them to get into an affair of their own. But I believe they wouldn't have, if the original cheater hadn't done so. Link to post Share on other sites
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