chfireman Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I was not really sure where to post this, so I hope I got it to the right spot... I need some input on my situation from those that care to give it. I am married for the past 8 years (next month-yes on Valentines Day). I've noticed in the past few months my wife has been less responsive emotionally and physically than normal and I noticed she seemed to be spending a huge amount of time texting and "working". I suspected an affair with a female co-worker of hers. (turns out I was correct) The other woman is married with 2 kids also. I wrote my feelings down for her and gave them to her about a week ago and suggested going to a therapist or our pastor, etc... She said that for me to accuse her of this was uncalled for and that she was moving out to be with her sons and to get some needed space. I confronted her at the time and asked if there was anyone else-man or woman and she said no which is a lie she has now confessed to. The week has been long and she has gone back and forth between moving or not but tonight she said her final answer is that she is out-temporarily for now. She claims she wants to work on things while she lives there and I am here-it's only about 12 miles apart and we are in a rural area. How do you work on things in separate places? How do I know she's not just cheating with the other woman?(this just floors me to say that a Woman!) Do I stand by and watch this or just move on? I love her and the kids so much. I don't want to "trap" her but I also don't want to be violated any more than I already have as she basically has ripped my guts out and destroyed my trust in her. ( I am not a door mat) How do I work thru this? Other history here is pretty long-we've covered alot of ground in 8 years. She had 2 sons in her first marriage and I had2 daughters. All the kids live with us. My ex attempted to gain custody of the girls at one point but failed. We made it through this. The oldest boy has huge emotional/psch problems but we found very awesome docs and took care of him. We made it. My company attempted to transfer us but I quit instead and took a local job paying about the same. We made it thru that. Her company then laid her off-she found another job and we made it thru that! Now, we currently own 2 homes here and she says she just wants to move back to the old home-without me or the girls. She wants to be with just the boys. Financially this is not a hardship for us but emotionally it is killing me. I love these children and her and do not want this. I can not see how moving away will make us closer or want to work on anything. My head feels like it is going to explode any second. Please anyone help me sort thru this horrible nightmare. Do I just let this happen in front of me, do I fight for what I love? I don't want it to be over and I would do anything to repair whatever is wrong. I am sorry if this is very confusing-my mind is very abnormal right now. I feel so sick and can't figure any of this out.
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