iwanttolive Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Why have I gone through 5 relationships and none of my ex-es loved me wholeheartedly, though I'm not bad looking, though i'm successful in my career, though i'm witty? How does my overweight galfren get her man to give in to her every whim n their relationship goes on for years while mine never lasted more than a few months? Why did Charles prefer Camilla over Diana? Maybe certain personalities naturally win men's heart. Like if ur alwiz positive and bubbly. But we're told to be ourselves and not pretend to be someone else. So AM I DOOMED because i withdraw to myself when there's problem???
Tony T Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 "Why did Charles prefer Camilla over Diana?" That's one I don't think anybody in the world has yet figured out. Camilla is the poster child for ugliness and I don't think the greatest personality in the world could make up for that. Of course, I've never been to bed with her (and that would NEVER happen),
BCCA Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 This is one of many of life's questions that has no answer. Why do some guys never call? Why do girls give you their number with no intentions of answering when you do call? Who knows, thats the answer. And people tend to fall into love, not go out looking for it. I know how you feel, most of the couples weddings I went to in the last 2 years have left me scratching my head wondering 'how are THEY getting married?', but what can you do? De-personalize it. Its not because there is anything wrong with you. While its true that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince, youll also find a lot of princes that arent your prince, if that makes any sense.
annieo Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Interesting, the Charles/Camilla thing. I've often wondered, although in a way I'm happy to see that sometimes, looks aren't everything There is no formula for making things work. There are elements of magic, luck and timing, plus a willingness to let yourself go, even though you might get hurt. I've had quite a few "relationships", most only lasting a few months because it wasn't working. But I've been lucky to have had two relationships that were truly built on love. Maybe it's a numbers game. If I hadn't have been willing to kiss all those frogs, I wouldn't have met the princes. Or so I tell myself, when I feel guilty about the frogs.
Author iwanttolive Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 Of course, I've never been to bed with her (and that would NEVER happen) LOL... De-personalize it. Its not because there is anything wrong with you. Sigh, it's so hard. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe i'm desperate n my ex-es could smell it. I think being dumped equals failure equals loser. Being single is sad. Being single equals loneliness when i'm old and no one will be on my deathbed and maybe no one even knows I die until my body is found There are elements of magic, luck and timing Sucks to know that I don't have it. Sorry for being so negative, but that's what i'm feeling. Don't mean to make anyone else feel worse here, but i'm feeling sucky...
Trialbyfire Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 because i withdraw to myself when there's problem??? How can a relationship endure if you can't discuss and resolve problems?
alphamale Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Why did Charles prefer Camilla over Diana? its all about the chemistry and emotional connection sister. its either there or its not
Star Gazer Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 "Why did Charles prefer Camilla over Diana?" That's one I don't think anybody in the world has yet figured out. Camilla is the poster child for ugliness and I don't think the greatest personality in the world could make up for that. :lmao:
Island Girl Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Just about everyone has relationships that don't work out. But if you are always the dumpee you may have a look at yourself. Do you love who you are? Because if you don't no one else can. Do you have certain standards as to the way you are treated or expectations of your partners? If not, you should. And if you are lonely you can fill your life with other things (other than a man). A woman who is independent and has outside interests is attractive and exciting. You'll bring more to any relationship. That is about all I can say with such little detail about your past history in relationships. But I hope it helps you.
Author iwanttolive Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 Island girl, yes, i'm always the dumpee. I treat myself well, but I don't love myself being single. I have issues being single. I just feel that it's sad, unwanted, left on the shelf. That's why in each of my past relationship, i constantly fear of being dumped. It became self-fulfilling prophecy because I became undesirable by being over self-conscious, nervous, lack of confidence, etc. But guys, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BREAK OUT OF THIS MINDSET! I just feel that all my ex-es are great people while I'm a pathetic person. I have every reason to be confident, but I just CAN'T! Because I fear to be single. Any words of advice?
motive2002 Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Why have I gone through 5 relationships and none of my ex-es loved me wholeheartedly, though I'm not bad looking, though i'm successful in my career, though i'm witty? How does my overweight galfren get her man to give in to her every whim n their relationship goes on for years while mine never lasted more than a few months? Why did Charles prefer Camilla over Diana? Maybe certain personalities naturally win men's heart. Like if ur alwiz positive and bubbly. But we're told to be ourselves and not pretend to be someone else. So AM I DOOMED because i withdraw to myself when there's problem??? I'm going to go way out on a limb and generalize about something.. but such is my way of interpreting my own observations. You said your friend was overweight? Ok here comes the generalizing part. I've noticed that a lot of overweight women are very sassy and outspoken, and they definitely wear the pants in their relationship. I don't know if this is overcompensating for any insecurities they may have due to their size, but I've seen this over and over. Right off the bat their boundaries, what they will and will not put up with are all laid out, and no exceptions! Now there are guys that are attracted to this sort of thing. The problem is, they wind up being "yes dear" kinda guys with no spine. I'd bet you 10 bucks that this friend of yours has a lover that would worship the ground she walks on, amirite? The best relationships I've seen is where there is no power struggle present. A real partnership is there, based on mutual respect for one another. It's not as common as the other types of relationships, but not totally out of reach. Each person has their own boundaries, and respects their partners wishes. It's not you against them. THere is no "I" in team, as they say. With all that said, maybe you should ask youself what you think is good for you? If a man can't respect you as an equal, he doesn't belong in your life.. it's no different than friends and acquaintances. Relationships bring about all sorts of bizzare expectations. It's not a matter of who's in charge... you aren't at odds with each other.. you're on the same side and support each other. Maybe you've just had bad luck meeting the wrong guys
motive2002 Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Island girl, yes, i'm always the dumpee. I treat myself well, but I don't love myself being single. I have issues being single. I just feel that it's sad, unwanted, left on the shelf. That's why in each of my past relationship, i constantly fear of being dumped. It became self-fulfilling prophecy because I became undesirable by being over self-conscious, nervous, lack of confidence, etc. But guys, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BREAK OUT OF THIS MINDSET! I just feel that all my ex-es are great people while I'm a pathetic person. I have every reason to be confident, but I just CAN'T! Because I fear to be single. Any words of advice? Here's my own way of breaking out of the mindset. I am in the same boat you are with self confidence and so on. This will sound extremely cliche, but I want you to really think about it. You need to find yourself before you're ready to find a partner. Get to know and love the person you are, for exactly who you are. Accepting yourself means that others will accept you. Always be your own person first, and be willing to let your future lover do likewise. and here's the really cliche part..... Stop looking and it will find you. Be 100% true to yourself and I guarantee someone will come along and find you attractive. You don't have to always be bubbly..or positive or anything else that's not you. Just be genuine and honest with yourself. People are attracted to genuine people... well at least I know I am
Author iwanttolive Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 I've noticed that a lot of overweight women are very sassy and outspoken, and they definitely wear the pants in their relationship. I don't know if this is overcompensating for any insecurities they may have due to their size, but I've seen this over and over. Right off the bat their boundaries, what they will and will not put up with are all laid out, and no exceptions! Now there are guys that are attracted to this sort of thing. I would think that all guys are attracted to this sort of traits. Exactly, I can't! As in my earlier reply, I am fearful of being single and this affects my self-confidence. Who'd want to be in a relationship with a needy person like me? I can be independent, but I'm not happy. Knowing this, I still can't break out of the poisonous mindset.
Author iwanttolive Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 You need to find yourself before you're ready to find a partner. Get to know and love the person you are, for exactly who you are. Accepting yourself means that others will accept you. Always be your own person first, and be willing to let your future lover do likewise. Thanks, Motive. I can be like that when I'm single. But somehow, when I got back into relationship, I would have a RELAPSE of fear of being single again. I will not be able to relax and enjoy the relationship. I would fear of getting dumped again, then I would TRY TOO HARD that makes me look pathetic.
motive2002 Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Thanks, Motive. I can be like that when I'm single. But somehow, when I got back into relationship, I would have a RELAPSE of fear of being single again. I will not be able to relax and enjoy the relationship. I would fear of getting dumped again, then I would TRY TOO HARD that makes me look pathetic. TRUST ME I know this all too well. It is exactly what brought upon the demise of my last relationship.. well that and other things When I come up with a sure fire way to just relax.. and enjoy the company of my lover without anxiety or fear of losing them you will be the first one to know. Having insight, and knowing what's broke doesn't help a lot to fix it, but awareness of the problem at hand is at the very least a step in the right direction. One thing to consider is that all things will pass. Even if your lover is wholly committed to you, and you're marrried for 20 years or whatever, you could still lose them. It could be that they dumped you.. or the other way around. They could get hit by a bus for all you know. I guess what I'm saying is that if you worry about a relationships demise all the time, it will prevent you from ever really enjoying it while it's around. But hey, I'm preaching to the choir here hehe. I think what would be useful for both of us is to simply try harder to enjoy life and not over analyze everything. Live for the moment before the moment is behind us. Now I'm typing just to hear myself type. I hope my rambling is as therapeutic for you as it is for me
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