Wicked Child Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I really think it depends on the people involved. Everyone is different and everyone reacts differently. Sex is still such a taboo subject to alot of people, that we find ourselves in places like these, hoping that we're not the only freaks that may put out on the first date, or like being tied up, or have some fantasy we're too embarassed to talk about. IMHO, sexual chemistry and attraction is just as important as emotional chemistry and attraction....I personally have racked up a couple handfuls of partners in my lifetime, and I can honestly say that now, sexual compatibility and attraction is a very important thing for me when finding a mate..I mean, if I can't be sexually comfy with someone, then what's the point...We often keep our desires and sexual quirks private, for whatever reasons, so if you find yourself being able to let go and enjoy the romp, go for it! See where it leads..I'm doing the same thing right now, and so far I'm really enjoying myself...I may not be headed for a rel with the guy, but I've found a sexually compatible partner (which I really thought was impossible at one point...just because I'm not one to go out and screw a bunch of people and date the best one...) I mean, I think that if you are sexually comfortable with someone, then that kinda paves the way for emotional comfortability...Cos face it...We all have our body hang ups and we are all self conscious...What a better way to get over that than to have an earth moving sexual experience that is mutually enjoyed...But that's my opinion...
tanbark813 Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Really? What kinds of things influence the guy's judgement on which catagory the girl falls in? It could any number of things. Her personality, intelligence, flirtiness, looks, social circle, drug use or lack thereof, location, whatever.
You'reasian Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I get the impression that the OP is not going to communicate with the man in question, but would rather view different hypothesis on her own and figure things out as they make sense to her, then act. Nothing wrong with this, but if a relationship is what you want - communication is the key.
ReeWoo Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Hey Gentlemen of LS, Please provide your honest answer to this: If you're interested in a girl and she likes you back but she sleeps with you on your second or third get together does that ruin things in the sense that it happened too easily? Does it ruin things on some level because it took away from the chase? I really want honest replies and as many as possible because I do get different opinions and I'm just not sure. The ladies are also welcome to respond with their stories, but I am really interested in how guys view things on this subject. Thanks If you're interested in a girl and she likes you back but she sleeps with you on your second or third get together does that ruin things in the sense that it happened too easily? No Does it ruin things on some level because it took away from the chase? No
Rebellious Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Hey Gentlemen of LS, Please provide your honest answer to this: If you're interested in a girl and she likes you back but she sleeps with you on your second or third get together does that ruin things in the sense that it happened too easily? Does it ruin things on some level because it took away from the chase? I really want honest replies and as many as possible because I do get different opinions and I'm just not sure. The ladies are also welcome to respond with their stories, but I am really interested in how guys view things on this subject. Thanks I had sex with a gorgeous redhead girl on the first date, then we lived together, then we got married. I've also had early sex with other girls that didn't amount to anything. Not the answer you want... but you definitely got his attention, now you have to keep it.
blind_otter Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Hey Gentlemen of LS, Please provide your honest answer to this: If you're interested in a girl and she likes you back but she sleeps with you on your second or third get together does that ruin things in the sense that it happened too easily? Does it ruin things on some level because it took away from the chase? I really want honest replies and as many as possible because I do get different opinions and I'm just not sure. The ladies are also welcome to respond with their stories, but I am really interested in how guys view things on this subject. Thanks This is totally, completely, utterly dependent on the people involved. There is no way you will ever get an objective answer that will end all debate on this matter. I've slept with people early on and never seen them again (usually with a lot of phone call avoidance, but whatever). I've also never slept with someone I saw briefly. OTOH, every single one of my LTRs from my marriage to my current domestic situation, started with sex early on. You just can't talk in absolutes when it comes to stuff like this.
boxing123 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 The idea that withholding sex for a few dates, or month, or whatever time period will keep the man around is just silly. In fact, often times the opposite is true. Do men want to be with a woman with whom they see is already withholding sex to get something else? Is that a sign she will continue to do throughout the relationship? Obviously if you do not want to, then do not have sex. But don't think this same man who will dump you after sex, would have been with you forever if you just waited longer.
marlena Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 If you're interested in a girl and she likes you back but she sleeps with you on your second or third get together does that ruin things in the sense that it happened too easily? Does it ruin things on some level because it took away from the chase? No, it ruins nothing. This is a load of moral, puritanical garbage and it saddens me to think that more and more people are reverting to this type of backward thinking. The "chase" is not about sex but about keeping a stong dynamic in the relationship that will always capture the interest of the other person. That's the hard part, the sex is easy...then again, if it's hard, it's not mind-blowing chemistry...and I mean chemistry on all levels, not just the physical...although that is crucial.
Tomcat33 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 The bottom line is the best thing a woman can give a man (no matter how many other great qualities she may have) is sex. If she does give it up too quickly she is placing little value in herself. If you want to challenge that then look at how many marriages end or fall apart because the woman is not having sex with the man, she can be the best friend, the best wife, the hardest working, the best mother, the best companion but if she is not having sex the man will lose love for her. She can stop any other spousal duty and it is not a deal breaker but cut out sex and all bets are off. So just try to tell me sex is not the most important thing for a man.
norajane Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 The bottom line is the best thing a woman can give a man (no matter how many other great qualities she may have) is sex. If she does give it up too quickly she is placing little value in herself. Couldn't it work out another way? That men value sex so much that they'd value the woman who offers it to him freely, and makes him feel so good because she's into sex and into him and acts on it. Since sex is so important to men, you'd think they'd be drawn like moths to a flame to a woman like that.
Author TigerCub Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 The way she carries herself. If she's very open and non-chalant about sexual things then more than likely a guy would lose value for her cause it makes the girl seem like she just puts out for anyone. Well that's what concerns me. I'm a very open person and I have a dirty mind and I joke around like guys do. So in the company of other guys I can totally hold my own when we're talking about sex and stuff like that. I don't dress slutty, but I'm not so conservative either, and I just think that maybe I send the message that I'm the 'good time girl' because of those things, but I'm just being me, so although I don't think I should act like anyone but who I am, I'm worried that by being me, I send the wrong message.
Trialbyfire Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Sex is an incredibly important ingredient in any long-term viable relationship. But...it's not the only ingredient. If that's all there is, then it's a relationship not worth having.
Author TigerCub Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 I get the impression that the OP is not going to communicate with the man in question, but would rather view different hypothesis on her own and figure things out as they make sense to her, then act. Nothing wrong with this, but if a relationship is what you want - communication is the key. The thing is, I would like to persue something more than the f**k buddy thing with the guy (I've had those arrangements before but I actually like him and would like to date him), he's super sweet when we hang out (even if no sex is involved), but he's hot and cold with me as well, and that's what got me thinking that maybe things would have been a little different if I didn't have sex with him so very soon, but at the same time, it could just be the way he is, or maybe he just didn't have any intention for anything more than just fun...ah well, we'll see where it leads.
Tomcat33 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Couldn't it work out another way? That men value sex so much that they'd value the woman who offers it to him freely, and makes him feel so good because she's into sex and into him and acts on it. Since sex is so important to men, you'd think they'd be drawn like moths to a flame to a woman like that. Well I look at it like this, if a guy were to tell you "I love you" after one date would you find that sincere? What if he were to tell you over and over and over "you are so beautiful, you are so sexy, you are the best thing I have ever seen"? Would you not wonder, I wonder how many times he does this kind of thing, surely I am not THAT special? And if you suspect the guy is doing that with everyone exactly how much value would you think he is placing on you? I think men think like that, whether they admit it or not that is how they view women that put out quickly. Otherwise words like "slut, skank and tramp" would no longer exist. If men truly see it as ok I wonder how many of them would encourage their daughters to have sex on a first date? If you are truly and honestly ok with that you SHOULD encourage your future daughters to express their sexuality whenever they feel like it. I bet those that say "I would be fine with that don't have kids, let alone a daughter" The bottom line is all men think the same in this respect some pretend not to care but they care and they TOTALLY judge. Well that's what concerns me. I'm a very open person and I have a dirty mind and I joke around like guys do. So in the company of other guys I can totally hold my own when we're talking about sex and stuff like that. I don't dress slutty, but I'm not so conservative either, and I just think that maybe I send the message that I'm the 'good time girl' because of those things, but I'm just being me, so although I don't think I should act like anyone but who I am, I'm worried that by being me, I send the wrong message. Tiger if you are sensing guys don't take you seriously or see you as something you don't want to be seen as then knock it off. That's nonsense that, THAT is who you are. Who you are is also a woman who plucks her eyebrows and shaves her armpits you don't exactly do that in front of guys now do you? If it is working against you then don't do it. You have nothing to gain by continuing to act that way. Maybe they just see you as one of the guys, and your more feminine qualities get lost.
boxing123 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Tomcat, you do not understand how men think.. If you are in "slut, skank, or whore" category,and you did not have sex, the next day the guy will tell his friends "No, I didn't sleep with that skank". Sex should flow naturally and not be used as a tool to get something else. If a man likes you, he will after sex. If he does not like you, he will not like you after sex, or if you did not have sex.. He might wait a few dates, have sex, and then dump you. Men are not complete idiots.. We all know women have put out on first dates. By making us wait 3 dates, or 5 dates, or 10 dates, we are not thinking you are some saint. By making a man wait it often times seems the woman is lacking confidence, or only feels she is worth sex. As if many men had one nighters with you and dumped you, so you are taking a different approach. And after sex, save the "I never did this so early speech" That also comes off as lacking confidence, and makes the man feel uncomfortable. The entire point is it should flow. If that happens the first night, or in 3 months, that is fine. But the idea of "making a man wait" so that then he will value you is quite silly.
Charles1978 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Putting out too soon? Not a problem. My last ex and I had sex the 2nd time we met... and it wasn't even a date. We hooked up at a bar. She was a great girl, and still is.
Tomcat33 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 And all that coming from a man who starts his post with Tomcat, you do not understand how men think.. If you are in "slut, skank, or whore" category,and you did not have sex, the next day the guy will tell his friends "No, I didn't sleep with that skank". Save it Box, I know EXACTLY how men think. You just want weak willed women to keep putting out so that you can keep disrespecting them. I know EXACTLY how men think thank you very much.
boxing123 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Tomcat, those were your words.. You really are not listening to what men are telling you. We often times fall in love with women we sleep with IMMEDIATELY. Men marry them. We are not saying we do as a part of some sinister plan to repress women and keep them weak. You are completely clueless when it comes to this. Maybe in high school it was like that. How is having sex with a woman"disrespecting her". Women like sex too you know. Not all use it as some thought out plan to keep a man.
Tomcat33 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 How is having sex with a woman"disrespecting her". Women like sex too you know. Not all use it as some thought out plan to keep a man. Categorizing a woman as a slut or whore is disrespecting her. If you are in "slut, skank, or whore" category,and you did not have sex, the next day the guy will tell his friends "No, I didn't sleep with that skank". If it's fine for women to have sex right away, and we are sexual (thanks for letting me know, not that I would know that being a woman and all) why do you categorize them then? And what makes a woman a slut or a whore? Please explain.
boxing123 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Tomcat, you have brought this up on many threads.. What makes a woman a slut or whore? My definition would be a woman sleeping with a guy for a job or money,a woman whom makes it a habit to sleep with married men, or a woman cheating on her husband repeatedly, etc. Those are honestly words I do not use with women I ever had a one night stand with, or had sex with early in a relationship. I never even thought in that realm.
Tomcat33 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Whatev nice backpeddling. Especially since you were the one who introduced this thought: Tomcat, you do not understand how men think.. If you are in "slut, skank, or whore" category,and you did not have sex, the next day the guy will tell his friends "No, I didn't sleep with that skank". And I have not brought this up in many threads what are you talking about? Besides you just joined this month so what the hell do you know what I have said in many threads? On the same token you speak for all men from the prespective that you have never said that about any woman you've had a one night stand with and then you talk for all men when you say they will call women skanks even if they don't sleep with them simply because they categorize them as that. Make up your mind will you?
boxing123 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I think men think like that, whether they admit it or not that is how they view women that put out quickly. Otherwise words like "slut, skank and tramp" would no longer exist. Once again, this was the post I was replying to. I was using your language. I am not back pedaling at all. So, if there is a married drunk woman at the bar every night, taking home a different guy, I guess she would be in the slut category to some people. . That would be an example. Going on a date with a single woman, liking her, and having sex with her, does not make her a slut. Men do not think like that past the age of 18.Unless you really are in the category of a slut, and it is known you have sex with married men, are married,charge money, or it is known groups of men run trains on you etc. Is sex the most important thing, or the only thing you have to offer to keep a man? No I never have thought a woman was a slut that I dated and had sex with early. Women call other women sluts/tramps.or skanks far more often than men do.,
Tomcat33 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 So, if there is a married drunk woman at the bar every night, taking home a different guy, I guess she would be in the slut category. That would be an example. Why is she a slut? I thought you said women are sexual and need to express that as well? Why "I guess" she would be a slut". What's it to you if she is there every night meeting different men or not? Why does that make her a slut? I know men, men all think alike no matter how you try to backpeddle out of it. I know how YOU think better than you know yourself so save the semantics.
boxing123 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Why is she a slut? I thought you said women are sexual and need to express that as well? Why "I guess" she would be a slut". What's it to you if she is there every night meeting different men or not? Why is does that make her a slut? I know men, men all think alike no matter how you try to backpeddle out of it. I know how YOU think better than you know yourself so save the semantics. Tomcat, you are losing it. Plenty of men on here are telling you the truth. If you feel like a slut for having sex early, or think men call you a slut, or have called you a slut then make them wait for sex. Whatever works for you. I , and every man I have known, have had long term relationships with women we slept with the first night. Once again, it is women calling women these names far more often than men use them.
Tomcat33 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Classic. Totally cornered by his own inconsistencies and the only way to overcompensate and distract from it is to resort to low blows and insults. I rest my case.
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