TigerCub Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Hey Gentlemen of LS, Please provide your honest answer to this: If you're interested in a girl and she likes you back but she sleeps with you on your second or third get together does that ruin things in the sense that it happened too easily? Does it ruin things on some level because it took away from the chase? I really want honest replies and as many as possible because I do get different opinions and I'm just not sure. The ladies are also welcome to respond with their stories, but I am really interested in how guys view things on this subject. Thanks
tanbark813 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 If you're interested in a girl and she likes you back but she sleeps with you on your second or third get together does that ruin things in the sense that it happened too easily? Does it ruin things on some level because it took away from the chase? For me: No, to both questions. And just a head's up: There are a ton of old threads on here addressing this topic and most of them are quite lengthy and there is no real consensus.
CommitmentPhobe Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 lol no, nothing wrong with a sexually liberated woman
reservoirdog1 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 If you're interested in a girl and she likes you back but she sleeps with you on your second or third get together does that ruin things in the sense that it happened too easily? Does it ruin things on some level because it took away from the chase? Not for me. I don't think like this. If I really dig a particular girl and she digs me, and by the time the second or third date rolls around we're aching to tear each other's clothes off, my usual thought afterwards is "holy shyt, that was amazing." I'm a total sucker for that kind of instant mutual chemistry; it's not the kind of thing that happens very often, and I'm usually pretty into the women it happens with. I don't see any correlation between having sex early on and the longevity of the relationship. My two longest relationships (11 years and 2 years) both involved sex very early on. Both also involved that amazing mutual chemistry I'm referring to.
norajane Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Do you normally have sex on the second or third date? If not, then this shouldn't be an issue at all. If you do, then what's your experience been? Do YOU want to see them after you have sex? Do you bond with them more after sex and would like to slow that down until you get to know who they are first? Are you having issues with having sex too soon? Those are the important questions. It really doesn't matter what everyone else thinks and does. It's your mind and body, and a guy who's into you will appreciate you regardless of when you have sex with him.
movingonandon Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Hey Gentlemen of LS, Please provide your honest answer to this: If you're interested in a girl and she likes you back but she sleeps with you on your second or third get together does that ruin things in the sense that it happened too easily? Does it ruin things on some level because it took away from the chase? I really want honest replies and as many as possible because I do get different opinions and I'm just not sure. The ladies are also welcome to respond with their stories, but I am really interested in how guys view things on this subject. Thanks This topic reoccurs at least once a month. Sex almost never can come "too soon". If the interaction naturally progresses to sex in date 2 or 3, there's nothing wrong with that - as long as it seems right & not forced/uncomfortable to both parties. It is unlikely to happen that soon, but it does happen. (Guys are very sensitive to the huge misconception that sex should be put off if the girl sees the relationship as having potential - this is nothing but insulting, and if a guy senses something like that there will be no sex at all, because he'll most likely walk .) The only - and completely unrealistic - scenario in which sex would come "too soon" or "too easy" (if we're talking about dating, that is), if you blurt out of the blue, and out of context - "Let's f**k"." ; there's no reason to explain how that's be weird
Trialbyfire Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Male response: Hell ya', the sooner the better. The Madonna/Whore complex doesn't exist! Edit - "I will respect you in the morning, for sure!" Female response: It's up to you when you feel you're ready for it, reliant on what type of person you are. If you can compartmentalize, then do it sooner. If you bond, take it slow.
Brady_to_Moss Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I am a guy and yes..3rd or 4th time to me is very early and it doesnt have the chase to it. 1
wuggle Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 No, makes no difference at all. (from what I Remember )
Author TigerCub Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 You will continue to get different opinions here. Heck, I have two different opinions on the subject, lol. Word on the street is, if she puts out too early, shes not a keeper. This is highly controversial. First off, it matters what the guy who you are going to sleep with opinion is. If he views a females actions in a different way someone else views it, then it isn't up to us. I do hear that "if she puts out too early, shes not a keeper", but I mean, I really enjoy sex and I don't have hangups about it, so cuz me and the guy were getting along well and he was really sexy, it was just hard to resist and want to wait. As for his views on women and stuff, he seems like a really easy going guy and he strikes me as a nonjudgemental guy (he dated a stripper for 6 years) and from that I gathered that he doesn't have doesn't seem judgemental about girls and doesn't seem quick to see them as 'sluts' based on some actions that are "out of the norm" I guess.
carhill Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Can't imagine ever having sexual relations with a woman after a couple of dates unless I've known her for a long time and we have built up rapport and this is a move to a new level. I have a feeling I'm somewhat like TBF in that regard. I'll feel the lust but will withhold action (as in penile/vaginal sex) on it, pending a deeper emotional connection. If a woman I barely knew wanted to have sex with me that quickly, I'd have to thank her and decline, regardless of what chemistry I might feel. Maybe when we got to know each other better. Most men (at least most I know) do not think like this, so, generally, you should just go with what feels good (the sex part) and let the relationship work itself out, if it is meant to be.
D-Jam Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I've only been in a "sex too soon" scenario once. She said she wanted to take it slow, but second date she wanted me to stay over and sleep with her (as in actual sleep and cuddling). That night I would have kept to my laurels, but she was kissing and pulling my clothes off...so we ended up having sex. I didn't look down on her for it. It didn't bother me at all. I simply felt that she was just that into me. However, she was the one who ended up being a psycho about it all. She put out regret, baggage, etc, and while I tried to keep things calm, she made it all a mess and ended with me. I won't judge all women based on her, but I will say that maybe next time I'll say no. Still, I don't see sex too soon as bad if you can see he/she is really into you AND they want to make it a RL.
Author TigerCub Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 Do you normally have sex on the second or third date? If not, then this shouldn't be an issue at all. If you do, then what's your experience been? Do YOU want to see them after you have sex? Do you bond with them more after sex and would like to slow that down until you get to know who they are first? Are you having issues with having sex too soon? Those are the important questions. It really doesn't matter what everyone else thinks and does. It's your mind and body, and a guy who's into you will appreciate you regardless of when you have sex with him. Well here's the thing...I haven't had a long term relationship in about 3 years. I've been dating here and there, and I've had my one night stands and my friends with benefits relationships (and those were fine because I knew what they were going into them). Generally though when I date a guy that I do like and would like to have a relationship with, I would normally wait a while before sleeping with them because I've just always heard that 'people need to form a stronger emotional bond before sex if they want the relationship to work'. As for the guy that's causing these questions for me. I would like to have a longer relationship with, but things got carried away in the heat of the moment and it was nice, and I mean he spent the night (and I actually wanted him to - as opposed to the one night stands where I couldn't care less if they stay or go), we called me the next day, we went out again, had sex again and then he stayed over that night too. He seems really sweet, but I just don't know what to think because I always hear different things like 'Guys catagorize girls automatically. She's either a girl he'd date or just a good time'.
You'reasian Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 As for the guy that's causing these questions for me. I would like to have a longer relationship with, but things got carried away in the heat of the moment and it was nice, and I mean he spent the night (and I actually wanted him to - as opposed to the one night stands where I couldn't care less if they stay or go), we called me the next day, we went out again, had sex again and then he stayed over that night too. He seems really sweet, but I just don't know what to think because I always hear different things like 'Guys catagorize girls automatically. She's either a girl he'd date or just a good time'. I have had long-term relationships start from one night stands that turned into weekends together, which turned into more communication and more time together - so, no I don't think its a bad thing. Chances are he's probably just as interested in you as you are him
Author TigerCub Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 I don't see sex too soon as bad if you can see he/she is really into you AND they want to make it a RL. I guess that's the thing...I don't know if he wants to make it into a RL. I mean we've gone out and stuff since, but I just don't know...and that's when I start questioning what I did and if it was too soon. I mean, yeah its totally my actions and I probably should have gotten to know him better before doing it, but I just can't help myself sometimes..
Author TigerCub Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 I want to thank you all for the responses. I appreciate your honest input
norajane Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Generally though when I date a guy that I do like and would like to have a relationship with, I would normally wait a while before sleeping with them because I've just always heard that 'people need to form a stronger emotional bond before sex if they want the relationship to work'. I believe that. To me, having sex too soon, means having sex before we've developed an emotional and intellectual intimacy. I've found that when you have sex early in the relationship, the relationship tends to center around having sex, and you don't get to know each other intimately in other ways. It's physical intimacy before having enough emotional or intellectual intimacy. You end up knowing all about his penis and sexual habits before you even know if he's someone you'd enjoy as a friend, or before you know if he's someone you can trust. And, sometimes, if the sex is good, then you end up hooked on that and stay in the relationship far longer than you would otherwise once you do actually learn about WHO he is as a person. As for the guy that's causing these questions for me. I would like to have a longer relationship with, but things got carried away in the heat of the moment and it was nice, and I mean he spent the night (and I actually wanted him to - as opposed to the one night stands where I couldn't care less if they stay or go), we called me the next day, we went out again, had sex again and then he stayed over that night too. He seems really sweet, but I just don't know what to think because I always hear different things like 'Guys catagorize girls automatically. She's either a girl he'd date or just a good time'.See? You had sex with him without really knowing much about him, so now you have no idea what kind of guy you had sex with. And now, a "date", is about getting together to have sex, without knowing much about how he feels, or how you feel. Some guys categorize, and some don't. Since you've already had sex, at this point all you can do is wait and see what kind of guy he is.
Mahatma Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 This question is way too general. It is not so much about the length of time it takes to get a woman into bed. It is how much of a connection you need with her to sleep with her. If a woman I have dated for a month, but we have not gotten very close yet, has sex with me, I lose value for her. If a girl I have been dating for only a day or two, and we really hit it off, has sex with me... that does not matter. It is the girls who give it to just anyone that bother me. Personally though, I would rather not have sex with a woman until *at least* a month.... but things happen.
tanbark813 Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 'Guys catagorize girls automatically. She's either a girl he'd date or just a good time'. That is true but that happens before sex.
itgirlragdoll Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Never made a negative difference in my experience. In fact, my last two relationships (current one running at about 8 months and one of the most amazing relationships I've ever had) begun with "hookups." I'm a girl so take it for what it's worth.
Author TigerCub Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 That is true but that happens before sex. Really? What kinds of things influence the guy's judgement on which catagory the girl falls in?
mr.dream merchant Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Really? What kinds of things influence the guy's judgement on which catagory the girl falls in? The way she carries herself. If she's very open and non-chalant about sexual things then more than likely a guy would lose value for her cause it makes the girl seem like she just puts out for anyone.
Phateless Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Hey Gentlemen of LS, Please provide your honest answer to this: If you're interested in a girl and she likes you back but she sleeps with you on your second or third get together does that ruin things in the sense that it happened too easily? Does it ruin things on some level because it took away from the chase? I really want honest replies and as many as possible because I do get different opinions and I'm just not sure. The ladies are also welcome to respond with their stories, but I am really interested in how guys view things on this subject. Thanks Not if you have both talked about what you're looking for in relationships in general these days. If a girl I was dating slept with me on the second or third date, I would assume that she's ok with the casual thing for the moment. You should ask him if he's open to a relationship at some point or if friends with benefits is all he wants. Sleeping with a guy too early doesn't necessarily ruin anything, it all depends on what conversations you two have had leading up to this.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 If you had sex early on without any understanding as to whether there might be further development of an " R", it could be referred to as a booty call, especially if both parties makes no effort to establish an "R". Different scenarios can play out here. Both parties can enter sex without emotional attachment, only to develop feelings later on, or have sex and not have feelings. Or one already has feelings while the other considers sex a physical release.
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