loveleen Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 there are four pages of answers and i dont have time to read it all right now so i hope this wasnt already asked.. i think for me as the dumpee it was and is still very hard to get over my first love that just recently ended for good. but my question is, do you guys think its hard for the dumpERs? do they consider us their first loves? because my ex already has a new gf.. and i dont think he ever really grieved over us ending.. do some people just move on and never grieve? or does it hit them later on?
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 i know. that's how i feel. he just gave up.
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 there are four pages of answers and i dont have time to read it all right now so i hope this wasnt already asked.. i think for me as the dumpee it was and is still very hard to get over my first love that just recently ended for good. but my question is, do you guys think its hard for the dumpERs? do they consider us their first loves? because my ex already has a new gf.. and i dont think he ever really grieved over us ending.. do some people just move on and never grieve? or does it hit them later on? can't answer that one loveleen......................never been the dumper! i spoke to a mutual friend who said my ex was finding the break up really hard, even though it was his 2nd relationship. we were together a year and a half, his first relationship was for three years. he said the way he was feeling when he broke up with her three years ago was nothing compared to how he was feeling then (4 weeks ago). it can't have been an easy decision to make, i understand that. i don't know if he's with anyone else. i want to know................and then i don't want to know. i don't know how people can move on without grieving at all, they'd have to be completely heartless to do that. but then i don't talk from experience.................i talk from a bubble!
hoartiosans Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 there are four pages of answers and i dont have time to read it all right now so i hope this wasnt already asked.. i think for me as the dumpee it was and is still very hard to get over my first love that just recently ended for good. but my question is, do you guys think its hard for the dumpERs? do they consider us their first loves? because my ex already has a new gf.. and i dont think he ever really grieved over us ending.. do some people just move on and never grieve? or does it hit them later on? I think some people like to jump into new relationships to get over it, ooorrr there just jerks. Regardless I think it comes up later, one way or another, through guilt or longing. It also depends on if they really meant the things they said, and I don't think they even mean to lie, that's why I never trust a passionate I love you over one when your just hanging out. And I don't find it easy to walk away, and I'm a guy. I know she dumped me, but I still don't really want to let go, and you see lots of guys on this forum that feel that way as well.
LostLamb Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 there are four pages of answers and i dont have time to read it all right now so i hope this wasnt already asked.. i think for me as the dumpee it was and is still very hard to get over my first love that just recently ended for good. but my question is, do you guys think its hard for the dumpERs? do they consider us their first loves? because my ex already has a new gf.. and i dont think he ever really grieved over us ending.. do some people just move on and never grieve? or does it hit them later on? Everyone's different but I think men tend to think "Time for the next one" and bury their feelings. I had planned so much with ex-holidays , him teaching me to drive , kid ,what to study etc so reminders are everywhere. He lives far (ish) away from me but works close to where I live and hope to study. I think he has willed himself to forget me and has a mental block on me. I would love for him to wake up one day and think "I should not have left" but I know it is unlikely. If I saw him now I think he would still feel attracted to me but the anger would dampen his ardour
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 Everyone's different but I think men tend to think "Time for the next one" and bury their feelings. if only it were so easy! i'm scared to be with anyone else right now.
hoartiosans Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I Wish I could just move on and bury my feelings, we only dated a month but she was my first and I did love her (in whatever way it was), I would love to just move on and forget her, and I'm starting to think I'm ready to date someone new, but then I miss her again and I go back to hoping she changes her mind. She doesn't want to be with me anymore so I'm gonna try to find someone new.
LostLamb Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 if only it were so easy! i'm scared to be with anyone else right now. It will be a long time before I fall in love again , if ever. I can't even flirt at the moment but feel as if I should seeing as my exy is in someone's bed as I type. I feel so pathetic at the moment:o
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 It will be a long time before I fall in love again , if ever. I can't even flirt at the moment but feel as if I should seeing as my exy is in someone's bed as I type. I feel so pathetic at the moment:o i know how you feel! i used to be great for the "eyes meet across the room" thing, i revelled in it! finding it hard to even look now. i live in a small town, so i'm seeing all the same faces all the time, so i think a move will be good in general. as well as that, since i'm always out at the weekend, and that was when my ex would come home, i'm always hoping i'll run into him. i miss him weekends most because that was when we used to spend time together. so when all my friends are out enjoying themselves, and i'm trying to do the same, i'm still thinking about how i used to enjoy the time with him. i feel like i should be getting out there too. even just for random kissing! because i'm sure he hasn't waited around, being a guy. i still find it so hard to even imagine kissing someone else. because i feel i'll be thinking of him all the while. and i even think if i just did that and got it over with, it'd be the first one over, and i could come home and cry if i wanted to, but at least my ex wouldn't be the last person i'd been with. how sad is that?
loveleen Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 thanks for answering my question (: i guess it really does depend on if they truly meant everything they said and did in the relationship.. and from the looks of it.. my ex was one heartless mother f*cker! haha oh well. no more dwelling gotta kick myself in the rear and move onnnnnnnnnnn
LostLamb Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I will have cobwebs by the time I feel ok with being with a new man! Weekends are horrible as mine were full of being with him , even if we just stayed in doing nothing. I don't really go out at the moment unless I must so I am lonelier than ever. I am trying to talk to people online but it is hard. It seems so unfair that he has met someone who shares so many of my interests and quirks. I won't be meeting anyone anytime soon.
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 you don't know that for sure. i don't think you should enter into anything serious anytime soon, but i think you should definitely go out. even though i know i'm always looking for his face in the crowd, i feel better for just being out of the house (esp since currently unemployed) and talking to people. it's definitely helped. there's not one weekend since we broke up that i haven't been out. i was all determined in the first few weeks not to let this stop me living. ooooooooooooooooh but i was all bravado. look where it got me?! but you should DEFINITELY go out. you ruin your chances of meeting anyone if you don't go out.
LostLamb Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Going out isn't an option at the moment due to my issues so I am kind of stuck alone. I am working on my life but know I can't fix everything overnight. MSN and youtube are keeping me sane. Dating someone new won't work until I have tackled the problems which led to my break-up.. When someone you love tells you they felt like your father, a carer and that dating you was like having a second job..it kinda makes you think. Not once did he say he fell out of love with me. He once asked if I wanted him to lie . Gah
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 ouch. ok i see where you're coming from in trying to sort out things like that. but maybe you need to give yourself a break as well? you can't think about tackling your issues 24/7. going out and having a laugh with friends can help..................laughter is the best medicine! i was in a theatre show last week which was great, and the social side of it certainly helped. i actually sang on my own in front of them all which is something i've never done before and it felt great! i felt like i was getting away from the pain because none of them knew him, and i didn't have to talk about him. and i just enjoyed myself. like i was saying earlier, the peaks are getting higher, which makes the troughs seem deeper. when i do sink, i plummet! i think the fact that there was contact in the last few days, however brief, it makes him more real and the pain more real. like when i heard nothing he was getting further away and i was getting better. also stress of finding a job and moving out brings up all sorts of insecurities.
LostLamb Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I have wasted too much time as it is but I won't give up this time. Living like a hermit has ruined my life long enough. Will you be moving far away from where you live now? I'm not in the USA but know how big it is. A new start is always useful when you have a break up whether it is new hair or a new job!
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 not in the USA either, other side of the atlantic! moving about 2 hour drive from here, back to where i went to college. i didn't really want to move there but most of my friends seem to be there or heading back there. and i want my friends around me and a change of scenery. that's part of what hit me today, was that it felt weird to be applying there when i'd be hoping to move near him, it's like my head has to catch up with what's actually happening all around me! i've had too much time as a hermit too, it clearly hasn't helped. i'm a wallower at the best of times. but i've been out of a job so long that even the thought of an interview now sends me into shniffling mess mode. no wonder i was dumped. and i hate feeling so sorry for myself, i wallow, but i'm never normally near this bad! i've had way too much time on my hands, normally i'd pick myself up from any situation and say screw it, this won't beat me! just never felt this way before! new hair helps........................as do new clothes!!!
LostLamb Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Tell me about it! I finally let someone in and decided to believe that maybe someone like me could actually have a functioning relationship. I was wrong! Self pity ain't pretty but it is better than messing around with people or indulging in drugs/drink. You will be ok at next interview. Just remember to focus on what you want and wear killer shoes:p
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 killer shoes - check what i want - .............................i don't know anymore!!!
LostLamb Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 What type of job do you usually do? Are you in Australia? New Zealand?
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 ireland. pharmacist. recession. at least there'll always be sick people............ where are you?
LostLamb Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I guess you'd call it The mainland. England:)
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 i always think everyone here is either american or canadian!
LostLamb Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 i always think everyone here is either american or canadian! I usually assume they are American but your username indicates a British link so I assumed an aussie!
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 how long were you with your ex? i don't think i saw that earlier........
LostLamb Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Just over 3 years. We were friends for nearly a year first so he was part of my daily life for ages. What about you?
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